Our Daily Bread

Greetings!

Hello you! Yes, you! :) You're here on my page and yes, you will know me... maybe just a glimpse of me but since you're here, you can already see a part of who I am. I welcome you to my blogging world and I'm happy to have you here!

Thanks for dropping by!

Love to all!

Monday, December 13, 2010

LOVE by St. Augustine

As I was browsing the internet, I ended up typing the word 'love' in Google search. Huh?! Hang on... I am literally finding the meaning of love in Google?! Anyway, it seems that it was like that, but yeah... Maybe I just don't know anymore what to do while in the internet. Well, by doing that, I ended up reading this one definition by a Saint. Sometimes, it is also a good thing to search in Google on things that you are not sure about 'coz you might just end up finding something interesting that could answer your questions... Such as this one :) pretty awesome, I reckon. :)

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
 
-St. Augustine

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Unknown

I don't know..
The title of this blog says it all..

UNKNOWN.

I don't know what exactly am I feeling right now.

Or maybe, I am just denying it.

It is so hard when you have to fight for what you feel. The more you don't wanna think about it, the more it lingers in your mind. The more you escape, the more it leads you there. Why is that so? Now, this is not making me happy at all! But it doesn't make me sad either. It just makes me feel stupid really! And it makes me feel like the "old me" -- not sure. Not sure of what she feels, not sure of what she thinks. NOT SURE.

There must be a reason why I feel this way. I am asking God about this and yeah, I don't have the answers yet. And sometimes, being unsure is good for me. Why? Because it means that I have to hold on to Him more, which makes us closer together. I don't wanna make this long or I will end up saying stupid things again. But yeah, my heart just wants to scream! Or even if it does, will he hear it? Oh, never mind. If I will make this longer then more stupid things will be revealed in here so I must stop now.

Sighs.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

What Now?

It's been a while since the last time I've blogged here. Well, I do feel that way maybe because lately I have this feeling of wanting to blog here but I don't have the time, or maybe I just don't know what exactly I should put in here. Yeah, yeah.. I've been busy lately. With the recent IELTS exams -- I don't even wanna talk about it anymore. I left all my worries about that to Him already. And yeah, about the NBV (Nursing Board of Victoria) merging with the AHPRA ( Australian Health Praticioner Regulation Agency) -- I've been so down when I found out about this because I have to re-apply again because my current application expired already, not being able to comply with the requirements that i need to submit before the deadline. Also, they have new application forms, new policy, new requirements, NEW EVERYTHING! In short, i'm back to zero. Oh well, I guess that's just the way it is for now. Yes, it'll be hard and it'll be a pain having to start with everything all over again. But maybe, just maybe, God has a reason for it.

I sort of ended up asking Him a lot of questions then. Does He really want me to be a nurse here? What is His purpose on putting me in this dilemma? What should I do now? Should i continue with the application? Oh God, I still have a lot of questions! And this makes me feel not good enough on what I am doing. And so until now, I'm continually talking to Him. Confusing and I am really emotionally affected by this now, yet, my trust is always with Him. I know in time He will let me know what He wants me to do now. I am really lucky to have my job now becuase without it, I'll go crazy again!

Life would go on for me, of course. I am continually thanking Him for everything -- despite all the stress, all the worries, all the hurts. I know all of these are part of His shaping process on me and so I won't complain. I am also blessed with everyone around me, supporting and giving me the courage to go on -- God's love is made visible because of them and through them He is making my heart smile.

God is unpredictable... mysterious! That is the word! We should always try to seek Him and know Him more to know the things He wants us to do. Although I don't have the answers on what I should do now about my nursing career, I would still put my faith in Him... In Him alone.

Monday, November 8, 2010

In Someone's Subconscious Mind

Well, since today is my 'self-proclaimed' day-off, I will spend some time blogging here, which I'm finding hard to do now-a-days. Sheeesh. Busy much?

Anyways, I'm just overwhelmed about a certain thing from yesterday. A certain person suddenly made himself visible after some time. Well, I don't know his reasons but, avoiding me maybe? I really don't know. So yeah, I already have the thought that this person has forgotten me already.. But wait, maybe that's an exaggeration.. Let me rephrase.. I already have the thought that this person is not thinking about me anymore. Hmmm.. Which makes it clearer to me now because he said that I was in his dream last night, which means, I am in his subconscious mind. Well, literally, he might not think about me really.. But still i am there in that portion in his brain or mind in which he is not concsious about and is a good thing, or is it? Oh well, somehow, it means a lot to me.. Not really a lot but yeah, I felt good after knowing that. Maybe because this person is still and would always be a part of my life even if there were many not-so-good-things that happened between us. Life is a roller coaster ride really! It excites you.. Makes you feel sick and wanted to vomit.. Makes you high, makes you low. But what matters most is you enjoy the ride. Is that even connected to what I'm blogging here? Geez. I'm now having random thoughts. Typical me, I guess.

That's all for now. :)
Will continue doing some paper works after this, so help me God!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Secret to Happiness

Simple lang ang gusto kong mabahagi dito sa araw na 'to..

Kung ano para sa 'kin ang sikreto sa pagiging masaya :)

Obviously, hindi pa katagalan bago ko fully napanghawakan 'to, but I'm proud enough to share it to all. And dahil din alam kong, grabe ang pag work sa akin ni Lord ngayong taon na 'to.

===

The secret to happiness?

Para sa 'kin, ito yung nagkaka-interes ka sa bawat detalye na nangyayare sa araw-araw ng buhay mo. Yung tipong, nasaktan ka man, tumawa o umiyak, alam mong lahat yun may rason at magiging insturmento para matuto at maging matatag ka. Hindi mo man malalaman kaagad kung ano ang mga rason, pero alam mo sa puso mo na malalaman mo din sa tamang panahon na itatakda ng Diyos.

===

Oh diba? Sobrang tagalog lang? :) I don't know if I could express it like that when I'll write it in English kasi feeling ko mas napapalabas ko ang nasa loob ko kapag Tagalog eh.

Lord, Ikaw ang tunay na kaligayahan. Kung sa English, You are the true happiness one could ever have. Ikaw mismo, Lord.. Wala ng iba. :)

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Anim-napu: Tag-lish Mode

Ito ang ika-anim-napu kong 'blog' dito sa 'site' na 'to para sa taong ito, at napagdisisyunan kong magtagalog sa hindi malamang rason (ang hirap pala talaga kung dapat Tagalog lahat!). Well, maguupdate lang ako ng konti.. Ewan kung konti lang ba talaga but I think ile-let ko nalang mag-flow ang mga sasabihin ko ayon sa sasabihin ng puso't isip ko.

Hmmm.. Mahabang weekend ako from work and masarap sa pakiramdam malaman na may mahabang pahinga ako :) o pahinga nga ba? Marami pa din kasing dapat asikasuhin eh. But anyways, ganun talaga. Masaya padin ako dahil long weekend :) Thank You naman sa Kanya :) Unang Undas ko nga din pala dito sa Aussie and well, nakakapanibagong hindi makadalaw sa puntod ng mga mahal namin sa buhay na sumakabilang buhay na kasama Sya :) na-miss ko yung pagluto ng 'biko' at pansit sa bahay.. Hmmm.. Na-miss ko yung pagtayo ng tent sa simenteryo :) na-miss ko mga pinsan kong makukulit! Na-miss ko ang dami at gulo ng mga tao, pati ang lupit ng traffic! Waaaa! In short, na-miss ko ang sa amin, bahay namin, ang Davao, at higit sa lahat ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Ito na yata yung moment na magdadrama na ko ang malamang dito ko mapapalabas ang kadramahan kong ito about sa pagka-miss sa amin. Haiz. Lord, magihintay ako sa perfect time Mo kung kelan nga ba kami makakauwi ulit para makasama mga loved ones namin..

Lately, ayos naman ako.. Masasabi kong I'm doing good and I'm better.. Not bitter, but BETTER than before.. About the adjustments, the proocessing of my registration here, sa trabaho, sa IELTS exam.. At higit sa lahat.. Ang kundisyon ng puso ko. Kung titingnan at tatanungin ko ang puso ko ngayon, sasabihin nyang masaya sya at mejo ok na.. Syempre dahil yun kay Lord :) si Lord lang talaga ang dahilan at nagbigay ng dahilan para muling mabuhay ang puso ko.. And Sya lang ang rason kung bakit tumitibok at buhay pa ito. :) grabe, ang galing ni Lord talaga! Kung close kami noon, mas close na kami ngayon.. As in super close!

Haaaay. Kahit nahihirapan talaga ako most of the time, alam ko naman na kasama ko Sya at 'di Nya ako iiwan kahit ano pa ang mangyare.. Madalas iiyak nalang ako (what's new nga naman?) pero 'di na katulad ng dati na matatagalan ang pagiyak ko.. :) meaning madali na akong maging ok dahil sa Kanya. Hay! Ang swerte ko! Mahal na mahal Nya ko, and mahal na mahal ko din naman Sya..

Well, siguro din panahon na para ma-share ko dito na may espesyal na tao sa buhay ko ngayon. Pinagdadasal ko Sya lagi and alam kong ganun din naman sya sa 'kin. Kaso, hindi ako umaasa kasi sa Kanya nalang talaga ako magtitiwala ngayon.. At masasabi ko ding takot na takot padin talaga ako. :( mahlaga itong taong ito sa akin, masaya kaming nakilala namin ang isa't isa.. Pero mahirap padin talaga, kaya ang Panginoon padin talaga ang dapat kapitan at pagkatiwalaan sa lahat dahil Sya naman talaga dapat ang nasusunod and ang lahat ng kagustuhan Nya ay tama.

Hanggang dito nlng muna siguro :) masyado atang napahaba ito eh..

Happy Halloween sa lahat!

Friday, October 22, 2010

The King and His Princess

Through all the pain and the sorrow, Lord, You've always been there. Often times I tend to forget and not notice this until You will come to me and embrace me with Your warm love by making me see the true essence of what is happening. Now, I cry for the thought of having You always whenever I feel down and so left out. You were there to tap my back, to let me cry on Your shoulder, to hold Your hand and just be me, Your daughter.. Your princess.

The last two weeks have been CRAZY! These two weeks made me cry a lot for different reasons. But still, I knew that God is in everything that is happening and for that I know that I should be greatful. A certain verse strike me that says "don't give the devil a chance." Ephesians 4.27, and for me this means that we shouldn't give the devil a chance to separate us from our God. The devil knows our weaknesses, he exactly knows what acts should he do with us.. So for this, we should not allow him to come in between us and God. Yes, it will never be easy but this life with Our God is a continuous battle! So, it it up to us on how we would face each day. We just have to remember that we are not fighting alone, and even from the start the battle is not ours, it is God's. In short, WE ARE BORN TO WIN! -- 1 John 4.4. :)

I know you are working in me, Lord.
Thank You for always treating me as Your Princess.. You are My King.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

What's Been Happening Lately?

Oh well.. I don't actually have any idea on what to say here really. Guess I'll end up thinking as I type this blog..

What's happening to me lately? Well, I've been busy with..

Work and the IELTS exams.

Work -- it has been a great challenge! A great blessing, a great job to have! I am so thankful to My King of what's happening to me at work. Though I still find it hard sometimes, but I'm able to manage things pretty well compared before. True enough that there would really be people that would annoy you (seriously), but for me it's really a part of everyone's life. Also, a way to stretch your patience and understanding. Good thing, yeah? Aside from that.. Ouch! My back hurts. My hip hurts! My whole body hurts! :'( Manual handling with our clients really gives me pain (just think about my size, and how big they can be compared to me). But oh well, I believe that it's a matter of getting used to it and practicing good posture and body mechanics as I work. The pain is just another part of the 'nega' side of it, yet the feeling of being able to serve, assist and help others are the things that matters most to me. Being able to be there for them. I should say that this is one of the most extra ordinary experience of my life! As it says: Scope -- see the person, not the disability. :)

IELTS exam -- woah! I've been really pressured about this. Not just pressured but anxious as well. Having the fear of not passing this exam again. :( well, it was done already, yesterday (9th October 2010), and I've done what I can. Now I am praying to Him, I'm letting Him decide of what's going to happen, whether I'll pass the whole exam or the other way around. I have to remind myself not to worry about this because there are still things that I need to focus on. Well, guess I'll have this nervous feeling of waiting for the results then! But still, I am thanking Him for everything. :)

What else?

Oh yeah! I'm happy that now I have my Bible Study partner! Now, there would be this someone to reflect and share your thoughts with the word of God. Cool isn't it? Well, we're doing it through the Internet (hi-tech! Haha), because we're too far from each other. But still, we feel blessed that we are able to learn and understand God's messages to us. And I do believe that in this way our faith would burn more in our hearts. :)

And oh! I have my new Tumblr blog site.. A partner of this blog site, I should say. Because there, my followers and the people I follow are following Him too, Our King, so it's really nice! Meeting/making new friends there is really awesome. Blogging and posting photos about God. It inspires me too! :) and it's one of the things that makes me smile each day. God is just so amazing making us smile in the simpliest way He can. I just love Him so much! :)

Well, I guess that's all for now!

'Til then! :)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

My Baby Chloe

I'm indeed so grateful to the Most High for giving me such a wonderful gift!

Answered prayer! :)

I'll briefly tell you the story on how I got this 'baby' I have (using) right now...

One day, me and my momi went into this gadget store called JB Hi-Fi. It was my day-off from work and I was actually interested to go there because during that time, I was on search of something that I wanna buy. Something like a laptop/notebook maybe. Yet, I was led into this cool gadget and when I saw it, right there and then, I finally found what I've been looking for. It's kinda expensive really, and I asked myself then if I could buy that one day. I personally wanted to have something like that because I wanted to be connected, always, to my family and friends back in the Philippines, and having such thing would make it easier for me.

And so the day after that, I went to work. I was still thinking about 'that gadget' that I wanna have. And I prayed, 'Lord, if it is Your will for me to have that thing, please give me some extra shifts on work, so that I would be able to buy that soon. Thank you.' A few munites later, our team leader approached me, holding a piece of paper, asking, 'will you be able to work next week Monday-Friday, full day? And on the following week as well, Monday-Friday?' then I answered, 'Yes! That'll be great.' she gave me the piece of paper where the schedule was written. I was super happy about it and I thanked God right away, saying, 'LORD, ang bills naman ng sagot mo!' hahaha.

iPad on hand.
 That was a month ago, and now, I am already having it, and literally using it while I'm typing this blog! Her name is Chloe, and I got her 17th of this month. I named her on the 18th, and her name's meaning is 'young woman for God'. Cool isn't it? :)

I therefore conclude that God is truly amazing! Sometimes it seems like He doesn't hear our prayers at all... But he does answer every single prayer but in different ways. And this time, my prayer was answered instantly. For that, I know that I am truly loved by HIM.

Cheers!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

LSS mode: Bakit Ba Ganyan?

Bakit ba ganyan,
Ang ibig ko'y lagi kang pagmasdan?
Umula't umaraw ay hindi pagsasawaan
Ang iyong katangian
Damdamin ko'y ibang-iba kapag kapiling ka, sinta.
Ewan ko, bakit ba ganyan;
Damdamin ay di maintindihan?
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita'y makilala.

Bakit ba ganyan,
Kung minsan ay nauutal sa kaba
Kapag ika'y kausap na?
Ngunit lumalakas ang loob kung ikaw ay nakatawa.
Ewan ko, bakit ba ganyan;
Damdamin ay di maintindihan?
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita'y makilala (oh)
Ewan ko, bakit ba ganyan;
Damdamin ay di maintindihan?
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita'y makilala.

~Hindi ko alamkung bakit napasok 'to sa isip ko this day, bigla ko nalang kinanta 'to habang naliligo ako :))
~Ang alam ko, yung linyang, "bakit ba ganyan? Ang big ko'y lagi Kang pagmasadan? Umula't umaraw ay hindi lagsasawaan, ang Iyong katangian. . ."--- para sa'yo yan Lord. :)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Let The Real Challenge Begin!

Months ago, I can say that life has really been a challenge for me, and that means EVERYTHING that happened was a great challenge for me. Yes, I've been so down many times and those were possibly near the point of giving up. Yet, I was still sure that I'll be okay because I know who's in control of me. To think of the times that I was so melancholic, God made Himself visible through the people who were always there for me no matter what and for that, my heart's singing with pure joy!

I can still remember seeing myself being so sad, worried and crying, most of the time, about certain things and that includes not having something to do still, or not having a work/job for that matter, for the reason that I really wanted to be busy enough so that my mind would be occupied by something else and not just all those unwanted feelings and thoughts. Patience? I can say that I've been patient enough but I can't deny the fact that for how many times I asked God, "Lord, kelan pa ba?". And He would always answer me with, "Hintay ka lang. I know what I'm doing." And so, there I see myself patiently waiting for the things He'll soon reveal.

I tried to search and apply in some companies even to those unrelated to my profession (Nursing). And Nope! Wasn't lucky to get some job on those. But I didn't give up. Luckily, during the last week of June, I was blessed of having the chance to work as a volunteer at Scope (Knox), a disability care centre not far from our place. It was Tita Fida (one of my Mom's close friends) who helped and supported me so that I could get in there and work as a volunteer. The experiance there was really awesome! Having to meet new people and, at the same time, be there to support disbaled clients with their activities. I've learned a lot of new things, too. Though there were some times that I felt anxious because I have to adjust on so many things, especially with the persons that I would be working with and with the things that are really new to me. I'm not paid on doing this work, hence the word 'volunteer', but it's really worthwhile. :) Nasabi ko nga sa Kanya, "Gusto mo talaga 'ko maging nurse Lord noh?" God knows best indeed!

I've been volunteering for a month already when I had the chance to talk with the Scope's manager at Knox about any vacancies they might have and that I'm available if they would be needing someone. Again, luckily, they were willing to give me a job though I should first comply with the requirements needed to be done before I could get the job. One of the requirements was to have a First Aid Level 1 Training, and so I went through that. Another was the 3-day Scope Induction/Training at Kingston Centre, and I went through that as well. Applying for the 'Working with Children Check' was not a pain anymore because I've already done that before and I just have to apply for the employment card. Having everything done, I'm now qualified to get the job.

As I look back, I can't help but smile and say, "Lord, ang galing-galing Mo po talaga! Para s'an nga ba yung lahat ng pag-iyak ko?! Eh alam Nyo naman po kung anong dapat sa 'kin. I just need to be patient enough and trust." He really does know what He's doing and what's ahead has already been planned:

I wasn't able to get a job on the companies unrelated to the line of my profession;

I was able to work as a volunteer first, to be aware on what's happening and have a period of adjustments in the work place where He wants me to be;

after a month of volunteering, I'm now qualified to get the job having the chance of completing everything they are requiring me to do;

and this week, I'll be a 'Disability Support Worker' officially! And hey, this is my first time of being employed with a job related to my nursing profession. For this, I could gain some experience and confidence in myself on working as a nurse. :)

I'm now saying to myself, "Let the real challenge begin, Christine!" Because I know there would be greater responsibilities ahead of me and stressors would always be around that could worry me. I still have to review and prepare for the IELTS exam that I would be retaking soon and that too, would once again be a challenge for me. But same as before, I know who holds my heart, my mind and my life, and for that I know everything will be alright.

So I say, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19.21

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Escape

It only happened this year that I've realized I do have a passion in taking photos. I like to take photos but unlike before, it now interests me to capture nice, beautiful scenes and things. When I find something intersting, I'll take a shot of it with my Sony Digital Camera (DSC-S730). This camera was actually given by my Tito Patrick and Tita Des, when I was still in Davao, when they had their summer vacation there last year. It's not as good as the other digi cams emerging these days, but I do love my cam. We have a sort of bonding already. And yes, I wanna learn more on taking photos, hopefully, with a better camera one day. (:

What I've been up to lately is joining some groups in my Flickr account. I'm really inspired with the photos these amazing photographers have and my heart longs more to learn such techiques on how they could capture such amazing shots! Most of them even melts my heart. When I see the picures of nature from different places, they seem to take me to a different world. I can say that God indeed made this world a very lovely planet to stay. (:

Here are some of my favorites:


By looking to these photos, it's as if escaping from the real world. As if wanting to actually be in these certain places where I could witness how wonderful this world really is. And yes, this is somehow, one of my escapes now. (: Reminding me that even though the world is indeed a troubled place to live in, still there are a lot of things to be appreciated and be thankful for. So, PRAISE YOU, GOD. (:

Here's a link of some of my favorite photos in my Flickr's 2nd account. Try to visit it and discover beautiful pictures. You might then find yourself escaping with me, too. :(

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My Song for HIM



I can still remember that day when our band, '5sensez', was listing the songs that we would like to pactice on and play. Songs that we wanna play. I think that was the same time that we were kinda preparing for a said gig. I think it was for the 'Araw ng Dabaw' Festival in Davao, City. Yes, we were given a chance to play for that said event sponsored by San Miguel Beer Corp., along Torres Street. Well as usual, zepra dito, zepra doon. Marami na din kaming songs na na-practice or na-kapa and this certain song was included to those. We were not able to play this song doon sa event kasi 5 songs lang ang pwede and mas pinili ng bandang yung mejo kampante ang lahat sa tutugtugin. But I can say, ito ang pinaka-favorite ko sa lahat ng na-kapa ng banda, kahit nung nasa 'Section8' band pa ako

 The first time I've heard this song, napamahal na kagad sa 'kin ang it was easy for me to memorize it's lyrics. Then, when I was already so in to the song, na-realize ko, pwede ko pala kantahin 'to for HIM. (: So, simula nun, this song is already listed in my favorites. The song is called 'My Heart' from one of my favorite bands, Paramore. (: Ermm, kung papakinggan nyo yung song for the first time masasabi nyo sigurong "rock" sya or loud or even some kinda "noise"! But, when you'll look deeper into it's lyrics, grabe! Mabigat sya and very profound. Bahalag murag "rock", hindi nman namimili si Lord diba? As long as it comes from the heart. Singing, "...this heart beats for only You, my heart is Yours!"

Hope maka-relate kung sino man ang nagbabasa nito now, hehe. I really love this video of the song kasi live sya. (Hay, imagine-in nyo nalang, nung ako yung kumakanta nitong kantang 'to, perti ka SCREAM jud! But nakaya naman.) Haiz. I missed singing this song with my band. sighs.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Making the Trade

Ok, so again, it has been almost a month now that I haven't blogged. What does this mean? I'm really sooo uninspired?! But hey, I know I am. Maybe I'm just being lazy. Oh well, before I'll be super busy in the days to come, I wanna share this one short story which made a difference in me and I'm really hoping that, to anyone who could read it, it could make a great impact too. This is from the book I've read months ago, 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' by Joshua Harris. The book is mainly about entrusting God your love life or boy/girl relationship. I believe that it is really a must-read book, specially to the singles out there. I can say that God really did use Joshua Harris well to come up with an awesome book such as this. Truly inspirational!

The story goes like this:

One day, a boy who has a bag of marbles proposes a trade with a little girl who has a bag of candy. The girl gladly agrees. But as the boy gets out his marbles, he realizes that he can't bear to part with some of them. Rather dishonestly, he takes three of his best marbles and hides them under his pillow. The boy and girl make the trade, and the girl never knows he cheated her. But that night while the girl lies fast asleep, the boy has no peace. He's wide awake, pondering a question that nags at him: " I wonder if she kept her best candies, too?" -- Like that little boy, many of us walk through life plagued by the question "Has God given His best?" But the question that we must answer is "Am I giving God my best?" -- You and I will never experience God's best, in singleness or in marriage, until we give God our all.

With this simple story, I can remember this verse in the Bible that says, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." -Matt. 6:33. So before we even worry about our love life or anything related to it, we should then ask ourselves first if we are giving God our ALL.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

♥ Papeng's Girl ♥

Dad, Daddy, Tatay, Papa... Whatever we call them, it's their day. :)

It has been almost a month that I haven't been blogging. Hmmm. Uninspired? Well, maybe. And not until today that I felt that I should be blogging this, for I believe that this day's special.

Papeng -- that's what I call him and a lot of people knows him by that alias too. I find it cool. :) When was the last time I saw him and was with him? It was the day when we, me and my younger brother, were about to leave our hometown. Sigh. The scenes are still so fresh in my mind. The moment when I was hugging him tightly, crying at the same time, and having the feeling that I don't wanna let go because I know it will take years for us to see each other again. When was the first time I felt that way? Maybe about 19 years ago, and by that time, I really don't know if when will I see him again. God is just so good that there have been times that I was able to spend some time with him during my younger years, yet goodbyes are always present. I'm kind of wondering why is it that it often happens between us? I've never been with him for that long really, but I do feel him always. For all the years that I was not with him, it felt different in a way that I'm always looking for something missing in me. As a child I felt that way and now, I feel the same way. Being apart from him is maybe a part of my life that I have to take. Communication is always present but it's really different having the person right there and there whenever you wanted it. Whenever you wanted to pour out everything or you wanted his shoulders for you to cry on. I can't deny the fact, I am a 'Papa's Girl', aside from the fact that I'm actually the only girl among his children, but I really can tell that I am such because of the connection we always have even though most of the time we are apart. For some reasons, he always reminds me of Our Father above. Far yet so close. ♥ Indeed, that's what he is like. Patient, forgiving, full of wisdom, and his love is unconditional. :)

To you Papeng: Happy Father's Day. No words could ever describe how much I am thankful to Our Father above because I have you as my Father here in this troubled world. No one could ever take your place as my papa here on earth and I will always feel blessed because of you. You inspire me in so many ways and your words are always kept in my mind and heart. I will always miss you, Pang. My love for you is always. You are my hero. ♥

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Person I Have Become

It was the other night when I've suddenly felt a great flash back of my life. For the years that I have been existing in this unpredictable yet wonderful and colorful world, I suddenly asked myself,

"What person have I become?".

I closed my eyes and tried to remember the happening from the past...

Moments later, I heard a cry. A cry of a little girl. I took time to look for it and I did follow where the cry is coming from. Then, there I saw a little girl crying in one corner covering her face with her two hands and by the way she cries, I could tell that it was so real for some reason that even I can't understand. But, I can feel her. As I moved towards her, she turn her face away, as if hiding it more. Still, I approached her and tried to get her hands off her face. She was hesitant and said, "Go away! I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" But, I didn't give up. I was holding her wrists and felt her strength. The strength of a little child who seems to be knowing everything and believes that she can handle herself. I didn't let go of her and slowly the strength I felt before was getting weak now, though her cries were still so real. Her hands were tightly holding on to mine now and as she looked up and searched for my face, there I saw the pain on that little girls eyes. The way that her eyes looked at me is as if she's begging for something. Some what telling me, "Please, please help me." I asked her, "Why dear? What's wrong?" She answered back, "It hurts. It really does." Then I thought if she was wounded or something and had a quick look through her arms and legs and asked, "Where? Tell me where does it hurt dear." She took my hand and placed it above her chest and said, "Here. It hurts here. I feel so much pain here." I sighed. By then I knew, it was the little girl's heart feeling the pain.

The real story began when I asked her, "Why does it hurt there?" She said, "I don't know. But this started when I saw them part ways..." She was still crying, but in a soft manner now. She continued, " I'm wondering on why such thing has to happen. Why is it that it seems so sad that I can't even do anything about it even if how hard I would cry, still nothing would happen. I can't change the way it is now. Why does it has to happen that way?" I could somehow understand what she was trying to explain. She had witnessed two significant persons in her life part their ways and wishing that it didn't happen. I could feel that there are so many questions on this child's mind and I felt sorry for what she's into and on what she feels. Maybe she's now having some trouble on how to look at life in the future at a very young age. Then I started answering back, "Hush now my dear. You'll be alright. You know, I may not have the answers to your questions but I'll tell you this: often times, we may not understand why things happen but there are certain reasons behind what's happening. You do know Papa God right?" She nodded. "Just pray to Papa God always because it is Him who can give you the answers to your questions." Then she curiously asked, "When will Papa God tell me the answer? How long would it take? What if He'll never give it to me and would never talk to me about it?" I smiled to her and said, "You have to be patient my dear. In time, He will answer you. And believe me, He will always try to talk to you and one day you'll see the answers right before your eyes." Her face was still sad, but even though she didn't answer back to what I said, I knew that she was trying to convince herself to believe and hope that the things I've said were true. I gave her a warm embrace and she said a simple 'thank you' to me. I felt relieved when I saw her paint a simple smile on her face. By then I knew that this little girl would go a long way. . .

As I gently opened my eyes, I realized that I just had a self-talk to the five-year-old me. That little girl crying was me. Tears started to flow once again but I was uncertain on what made me cry. Was it about the pain that child felt from from the past or the pain that I am feeling now in present time? As I tried to find out, I know now that I am crying because of the present happenings in my life and said to myself, "Wow. Time flies so fast and a lot of things already happened in my life." But sigh. I figured out that the little girl's questions haven't been answered yet until now. . . Gosh. It would really take a long time. Longer that what I've expected it to be.

Oh, God until when will I be waiting for Your answers? I thought that I could already give an assurance to myself that You already did give me the answers, but why am I still in pain of knowing that it is really painful finding out the answers to my questions before? I thought that I had already seen the change that the real world would be better as I go on with life, but I still haven't stopped questioning 'why'. Maybe soon, I'm still hoping that soon I would still see the reasons on why things are happening this way now. Are all of these still part of the process of figuring out what the answers are? Because if it is, I will still continue to hold on to You, would endure everything and would not let go until the day that You would reveal to me the answers I am waiting for. . . and by then, I'll be holding to that 'One Piece' of treasure I am dreaming to grasp for a long time now. . .

I am now looking on this chapter in the Bible and prayed to God:

Psalms 139
O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me.
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. . .

- I could somehow answer the question I asked at the beginning of this writing. . .
That I have become a person who's still hoping.
A person that is having a deeper faith in God.
A person that still believes that one day I would be looking back and would say,
"Thank You for Your answer Lord."
I would never regret the day that I promised not to let go of You.

The Only Exception

[when I heared this song for the first time, I found myself in tears. the fact that I can relate to it, and the fact that I'm no longer sure if I could still sing this to someone. . .]

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk


Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Oh---
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing
~ this is why I love Paramore, their songs always give a different touch to my heart.
Here's the link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7J_IWUhls

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

A Caterpillar's Special Day

A week ago, I can say that it hasn't crossed my mind that my birthday would be coming soon. For some reason, maybe it has been hidden in my subconscious mind and doesn't wanna get out. Two days before my birthday Momi said, "Birthday mo na sa Monday On-g!" I answered back, "Birthday ko na pala?!" (kunyari hindi alam). And yes, I knew by then that I was already over the denial stage of knowing that the day after tomorrow's gonna be my birthday. Again, for some reason, I felt that my heart beat was unstable. Having that feeling, I knew that something's not right inside me. Wondering how my birthday would turn out. Maybe I'm just having this feeling because of the fact that it's my first time to celebrate my birthday here in Aussie and I know that my birthday would not be the same as before. Also, having the thought that it's gonna be a busy day. I would be alone in the house, and in the Philippines (where all my friends are), everybody would be occupied by the elections and they could forget that it's my birthday. And so having the thought that my birthday's not gonna be that special, I prayed.


Weeks ago, I was asking God for a sign. A sign that could tell me that something good is going to happen. A sign of hope. A sign that could change the unwanted feelings and negative outlook I have.


And so, my day came and Momi's voice had awakened me, singing the 'happy birthday' song. :) Isn't she sweet? I felt glad that my first kiss and hug on my birthday was from my pretty Momi. But another thing really surprised me. When I saw that she was holding a single white flower. A beautiful, white rosebud. Then she said, "I picked it for you On-g, because I know you'll be happy for this." Maybe you'll go questioning what's extra ordinary about that? But here's the thing, it was the SIGN that I was asking from God. :) Why? Because when we got here, and even when Mom and Tito Sarath transfered in this house, they have these rose plants in the backyard that were really not able to bloom even a single flower. I am even complaining every time Mom and I had to do gardening on why these rose plants doesn't have any flower at all! I would say, "Gahi-a ba aning mga tanuma oi! Di man jud mamulak!" But this certain day, a single flower bloomed for me. Then I was already in tears. Sabi ko, "Lord, thank You for this wonderful sign that you showed me today. I now know what you wanna tell me." Grabe diba? White rose pa talaga! This lovely rose is a sign that even if I'll feel hopeless because everything seems to be so rough, still, if I'll hold on, there would be something wonderful that's yet to come. :) And that was just one of His surprises this day.

Then afternoon came, nothing much to do. I'm alone again because everyone had gone. I was just in my room arranging things when all of a sudden the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone, except of course for my brother that would be arriving from school. When I came down to get it, there I saw Tito Alan and Tita Fely. I was really surprised by their presence. And yey! I got some presents! And what really touched my heart during that moment was the message from the card and of course my bouquet of pink roses. :) I felt so loved, so special. Wasn't having the thought of receiving a bouquet of flowers, and was like, "Wala naman kasing magbibigay sa 'yo ng bouquet ngayon Christine, so asa ka pa!" But haha! Pretty roses are now on hand! :) Thank You Lord for Tito Alan and Tita Fely. This lovely couple would always remind me of your love. And after some time, my brother came from school. After parking his bike in the garrage, he approached me and gave me a sweet kiss on my cheek and a long, warm hug as he say, "Happy Birthday Ate!" I was touched. Seriously! Kasi hindi cheezy yung kapatid kong yun! haha. :) Had some chat and a cup of coffee with Tito and Tita, and then they had to leave.

The time goes on. I was already having the thrill even when the day was just starting because I was already able to receive so many greetings, lalo na sa Facebook of course, where may notice naman na ipapakita sa home page, but even though it's like that, still people would take time to type some greetings for me, so, sweet gihapon! :) haha. Plus, text messages starting from 12:00midnight goes on. I am already loving this day na jud! :)
And oh! I took a photo of my birthday sunset. I had the idea of taking such because Choi (Kai) told me that it could've been really nice if I was able to take a photo of my birthday sunrise but I haven't. :( And so I said, "Sunset nalang. Hehe." And so I waited for sunset to arrive and tried my best to capture a photo of it na ang hirap kasi kahit lumabas pa ko ng bahay, I wasn't able to have a good picture of it. Then I eventually ended up capturing a picture from outside our room window! :)


Evening came and Tito Sarath arrived from work. When  I went downstairs to see him, he greeted me. I will not deny that I was expecting for some present from him but there was none. But anyways, that's ok because I know he was too busy. Then he went off to get Momi from work. We had a candle light dinner for tonight with Tito's yummy soup and some hot bread. =9 Perfect for the cold weather. In addition to that, we had some rhum that could give extra heat for the night. After dinner, another surprise! Bumili pala ng cake si Tito for me! haha. Na-surprise talaga 'ko kasi 'di ko inaasahan eh. Haven't seen the cake when he arrived. But ei, hello yummy cake! :) Birthday celebration's now complete because I was able to blow my cake with a singing candle (haha) and was able to make a wish.
After the eating session, we gathered in the living room to watch another Adam Sandler movie (pede ma-inlove sa kanya? haha). Because recently the movies we're watching are Adam Sandler's movies. Woohoo! What a day, what a night! All I can say is THANK YOU LORD FOR EVERYTHING! Indeed, God never failed to make me feel His love on my birthday. I felt special and blessed. *tears of joy*

But yes, I can't hide the fact that a ceratin part of me now-a-days is not okay. Things that happened brought changes in me, and it's inevitable. But I remembered the text message my Papeng sent me the last Sunday I spent in Davao before we left. I was in so much pain during that time, and these times, I am really having a hard time like that one. I sent him a text that time while I was painfully crying, "Pang, sakit man kaayo uy." And his answer was this. . . (see the message in the cellphone photo)
Looking back to that certain time, I was able to remember the 'Parable of the Caterpillar'. The caterpillar was struggling everyday, in pain,  for his existence not knowing that God had already planned everything that is going to happen and that one day he will be a beautiful butterfly, fluttering from flower to flower, drinking the nectar of daisies, and gloriously adore the colorful rainbow and the awsomeness of nature as he flies.

Recently, I said to Papeng, "Lisuda jud diay mahimong beautiful butterfly Pang uy. Sakit jud diay kaayo. (crying)" And he answered back, "Yes, anak it is. But that is all part of the process. Hold on because soon you will be that beautiful butterfly." I was relieved. Now, I may be the struggling caterpillar, but I will patiently live for the One who knows what's ahead and what's best.

-- Often times, we lose patience, we lose hope. Human as we are, we find ourselves at the very bottom, and would have the feeling of not being able to get up and face what's ahead. We get trapped, we get afraid. But God's promise remains. It's written in 1 Corinthians 10:13,

"Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps His promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, He will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out."
(Million thanks to Mr. Hans Jason for sharing this photo)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Love is in My Hair

[My Barbie Doll's Birthday today! Happy Birthday to Miss Aia de Leon (as if mabasa ni niya noh? haha) I just couldn't set aside how you touch my heart with your songs (Imago songs) even until these times. You would forever be one of my idols.]
In fairness, I LOVE her hair here. Same kaming short hair. *winkz*

 
I've known you for quite awhile.
Never ashamed to tell you what's on my mind,
whether it's wrong or right.
When I feel like salting the ocean
You're fresh water for my eyes.
You give me this
you give me that
and this kiss is getting wild
and just maybe, just maybe.
When I get to my room
I'm still drowning from your stare
How could I now sleep
When love is in my hair?
Set aside some time to be with you tomorrow
Set aside some time to repeat what happened tonight.
Whenever I carry jars of regret
I stumble over and over again
The slip breaks me
and that kills your heart
When you feel like falling apart
I'd come running to catch you
Oh you give me so much hope
all the stars have agreed
Let my dreams somersault
Paint your rainbows here.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Panaginip Lang

By: Paramita

[bigla ko lang silang naalala. . Na-miss kong pakinggan mga kanta nila. Sayang, 'di na zefra ng banda 'tong kantang toh noon]

Ngayon, sa 'king pag-iisa
Nahihibang sa kaiisip kung iiwasan ka
Hahayaan ko na bang tuluyan ng ibaon sa limot ang ala-ala mo

At ang lahat ng iyong mga sinabi sa akin
Maaari bang limutin ang nangyare sa atin

Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako
Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako, oh

Ako parin ay nagtatanong
Kung meron pang kaunting pag-asang
Magkabalikan
Pero ayoko ng maulit pa

Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako
Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako

Ooh, sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw. . Aaahw

Ano ang iyong madarama
Kung malaman mong ito'y panaginip lang
Ano ang iyong ma-iisip
Kung bukas ay di ka na muling gigising pa, oh
Ano ang iyong madarama
Kung malaman mong ito'y panaginip lang, oh
Ano ang iyong ma-iisip
Kung di ka na muling gigising pa. . .

[graveh, kapuya type sa cp oi hehe memorize pa jud diay nako ang song, ΓΌ]

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Cast Thy Burden

By: Don Moen

[ Remembering this song, I see myself before as a young, little girl singing this song in their prayer meetings. Singing unto God with all her heart. . Knowing where all her worries and pains should go. ]

Cast thy burden upon the Lord
And He shall sustain thee
He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. .

As for me, I will call upon God
And the Lord will save me. .

Evening and morning and at noon will I pray and cry aloud. .
He shall hear my voice.

[ I am at peace. ]

Friday, April 30, 2010

Goodbye to My Long Hair

I love my hair. =) I really do. Actually, first time kong nagpahaba ng hair na ganun kahaba. . .

I took care of it. I really did. Everyday, as it grows it gives warm joy inside me.

But then, suddenly, I felt that something went wrong.
Hindi na maganda pakiramdam ko sa hair ko. =(

Oh, no!

Even if how much I did care for it, how much I value it, how much I love it. . . ganun parin yung result. Still, not enough. Not lovely enough. Not pretty enough. Akala ko lang pala maganda na, pero habang tumatagal, hindi pala. And so, I've decided to cut it na.

It was hard. Really hard to decide. But then I thought, If I can't handle it now, how much more if it'll be longer? =( And as I've decided, I had this hope and desire deep in me. . .

That as I let it grow back like it was before, as time goes by, I would learn better things on how to really handle it to maintain it's natural beauty. =) Learn ways, brilliant ways to make it prettier than before. (Help me, God.)
And as it grows, I would not worry anymore because I know, Someone would always have His magic tough on my head/hair everyday. =)