Our Daily Bread

Greetings!

Hello you! Yes, you! :) You're here on my page and yes, you will know me... maybe just a glimpse of me but since you're here, you can already see a part of who I am. I welcome you to my blogging world and I'm happy to have you here!

Thanks for dropping by!

Love to all!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Person I Have Become

It was the other night when I've suddenly felt a great flash back of my life. For the years that I have been existing in this unpredictable yet wonderful and colorful world, I suddenly asked myself,

"What person have I become?".

I closed my eyes and tried to remember the happening from the past...

Moments later, I heard a cry. A cry of a little girl. I took time to look for it and I did follow where the cry is coming from. Then, there I saw a little girl crying in one corner covering her face with her two hands and by the way she cries, I could tell that it was so real for some reason that even I can't understand. But, I can feel her. As I moved towards her, she turn her face away, as if hiding it more. Still, I approached her and tried to get her hands off her face. She was hesitant and said, "Go away! I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" But, I didn't give up. I was holding her wrists and felt her strength. The strength of a little child who seems to be knowing everything and believes that she can handle herself. I didn't let go of her and slowly the strength I felt before was getting weak now, though her cries were still so real. Her hands were tightly holding on to mine now and as she looked up and searched for my face, there I saw the pain on that little girls eyes. The way that her eyes looked at me is as if she's begging for something. Some what telling me, "Please, please help me." I asked her, "Why dear? What's wrong?" She answered back, "It hurts. It really does." Then I thought if she was wounded or something and had a quick look through her arms and legs and asked, "Where? Tell me where does it hurt dear." She took my hand and placed it above her chest and said, "Here. It hurts here. I feel so much pain here." I sighed. By then I knew, it was the little girl's heart feeling the pain.

The real story began when I asked her, "Why does it hurt there?" She said, "I don't know. But this started when I saw them part ways..." She was still crying, but in a soft manner now. She continued, " I'm wondering on why such thing has to happen. Why is it that it seems so sad that I can't even do anything about it even if how hard I would cry, still nothing would happen. I can't change the way it is now. Why does it has to happen that way?" I could somehow understand what she was trying to explain. She had witnessed two significant persons in her life part their ways and wishing that it didn't happen. I could feel that there are so many questions on this child's mind and I felt sorry for what she's into and on what she feels. Maybe she's now having some trouble on how to look at life in the future at a very young age. Then I started answering back, "Hush now my dear. You'll be alright. You know, I may not have the answers to your questions but I'll tell you this: often times, we may not understand why things happen but there are certain reasons behind what's happening. You do know Papa God right?" She nodded. "Just pray to Papa God always because it is Him who can give you the answers to your questions." Then she curiously asked, "When will Papa God tell me the answer? How long would it take? What if He'll never give it to me and would never talk to me about it?" I smiled to her and said, "You have to be patient my dear. In time, He will answer you. And believe me, He will always try to talk to you and one day you'll see the answers right before your eyes." Her face was still sad, but even though she didn't answer back to what I said, I knew that she was trying to convince herself to believe and hope that the things I've said were true. I gave her a warm embrace and she said a simple 'thank you' to me. I felt relieved when I saw her paint a simple smile on her face. By then I knew that this little girl would go a long way. . .

As I gently opened my eyes, I realized that I just had a self-talk to the five-year-old me. That little girl crying was me. Tears started to flow once again but I was uncertain on what made me cry. Was it about the pain that child felt from from the past or the pain that I am feeling now in present time? As I tried to find out, I know now that I am crying because of the present happenings in my life and said to myself, "Wow. Time flies so fast and a lot of things already happened in my life." But sigh. I figured out that the little girl's questions haven't been answered yet until now. . . Gosh. It would really take a long time. Longer that what I've expected it to be.

Oh, God until when will I be waiting for Your answers? I thought that I could already give an assurance to myself that You already did give me the answers, but why am I still in pain of knowing that it is really painful finding out the answers to my questions before? I thought that I had already seen the change that the real world would be better as I go on with life, but I still haven't stopped questioning 'why'. Maybe soon, I'm still hoping that soon I would still see the reasons on why things are happening this way now. Are all of these still part of the process of figuring out what the answers are? Because if it is, I will still continue to hold on to You, would endure everything and would not let go until the day that You would reveal to me the answers I am waiting for. . . and by then, I'll be holding to that 'One Piece' of treasure I am dreaming to grasp for a long time now. . .

I am now looking on this chapter in the Bible and prayed to God:

Psalms 139
O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me.
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. . .

- I could somehow answer the question I asked at the beginning of this writing. . .
That I have become a person who's still hoping.
A person that is having a deeper faith in God.
A person that still believes that one day I would be looking back and would say,
"Thank You for Your answer Lord."
I would never regret the day that I promised not to let go of You.

The Only Exception

[when I heared this song for the first time, I found myself in tears. the fact that I can relate to it, and the fact that I'm no longer sure if I could still sing this to someone. . .]

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk


Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Oh---
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing
~ this is why I love Paramore, their songs always give a different touch to my heart.
Here's the link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7J_IWUhls

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

A Caterpillar's Special Day

A week ago, I can say that it hasn't crossed my mind that my birthday would be coming soon. For some reason, maybe it has been hidden in my subconscious mind and doesn't wanna get out. Two days before my birthday Momi said, "Birthday mo na sa Monday On-g!" I answered back, "Birthday ko na pala?!" (kunyari hindi alam). And yes, I knew by then that I was already over the denial stage of knowing that the day after tomorrow's gonna be my birthday. Again, for some reason, I felt that my heart beat was unstable. Having that feeling, I knew that something's not right inside me. Wondering how my birthday would turn out. Maybe I'm just having this feeling because of the fact that it's my first time to celebrate my birthday here in Aussie and I know that my birthday would not be the same as before. Also, having the thought that it's gonna be a busy day. I would be alone in the house, and in the Philippines (where all my friends are), everybody would be occupied by the elections and they could forget that it's my birthday. And so having the thought that my birthday's not gonna be that special, I prayed.


Weeks ago, I was asking God for a sign. A sign that could tell me that something good is going to happen. A sign of hope. A sign that could change the unwanted feelings and negative outlook I have.


And so, my day came and Momi's voice had awakened me, singing the 'happy birthday' song. :) Isn't she sweet? I felt glad that my first kiss and hug on my birthday was from my pretty Momi. But another thing really surprised me. When I saw that she was holding a single white flower. A beautiful, white rosebud. Then she said, "I picked it for you On-g, because I know you'll be happy for this." Maybe you'll go questioning what's extra ordinary about that? But here's the thing, it was the SIGN that I was asking from God. :) Why? Because when we got here, and even when Mom and Tito Sarath transfered in this house, they have these rose plants in the backyard that were really not able to bloom even a single flower. I am even complaining every time Mom and I had to do gardening on why these rose plants doesn't have any flower at all! I would say, "Gahi-a ba aning mga tanuma oi! Di man jud mamulak!" But this certain day, a single flower bloomed for me. Then I was already in tears. Sabi ko, "Lord, thank You for this wonderful sign that you showed me today. I now know what you wanna tell me." Grabe diba? White rose pa talaga! This lovely rose is a sign that even if I'll feel hopeless because everything seems to be so rough, still, if I'll hold on, there would be something wonderful that's yet to come. :) And that was just one of His surprises this day.

Then afternoon came, nothing much to do. I'm alone again because everyone had gone. I was just in my room arranging things when all of a sudden the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone, except of course for my brother that would be arriving from school. When I came down to get it, there I saw Tito Alan and Tita Fely. I was really surprised by their presence. And yey! I got some presents! And what really touched my heart during that moment was the message from the card and of course my bouquet of pink roses. :) I felt so loved, so special. Wasn't having the thought of receiving a bouquet of flowers, and was like, "Wala naman kasing magbibigay sa 'yo ng bouquet ngayon Christine, so asa ka pa!" But haha! Pretty roses are now on hand! :) Thank You Lord for Tito Alan and Tita Fely. This lovely couple would always remind me of your love. And after some time, my brother came from school. After parking his bike in the garrage, he approached me and gave me a sweet kiss on my cheek and a long, warm hug as he say, "Happy Birthday Ate!" I was touched. Seriously! Kasi hindi cheezy yung kapatid kong yun! haha. :) Had some chat and a cup of coffee with Tito and Tita, and then they had to leave.

The time goes on. I was already having the thrill even when the day was just starting because I was already able to receive so many greetings, lalo na sa Facebook of course, where may notice naman na ipapakita sa home page, but even though it's like that, still people would take time to type some greetings for me, so, sweet gihapon! :) haha. Plus, text messages starting from 12:00midnight goes on. I am already loving this day na jud! :)
And oh! I took a photo of my birthday sunset. I had the idea of taking such because Choi (Kai) told me that it could've been really nice if I was able to take a photo of my birthday sunrise but I haven't. :( And so I said, "Sunset nalang. Hehe." And so I waited for sunset to arrive and tried my best to capture a photo of it na ang hirap kasi kahit lumabas pa ko ng bahay, I wasn't able to have a good picture of it. Then I eventually ended up capturing a picture from outside our room window! :)


Evening came and Tito Sarath arrived from work. When  I went downstairs to see him, he greeted me. I will not deny that I was expecting for some present from him but there was none. But anyways, that's ok because I know he was too busy. Then he went off to get Momi from work. We had a candle light dinner for tonight with Tito's yummy soup and some hot bread. =9 Perfect for the cold weather. In addition to that, we had some rhum that could give extra heat for the night. After dinner, another surprise! Bumili pala ng cake si Tito for me! haha. Na-surprise talaga 'ko kasi 'di ko inaasahan eh. Haven't seen the cake when he arrived. But ei, hello yummy cake! :) Birthday celebration's now complete because I was able to blow my cake with a singing candle (haha) and was able to make a wish.
After the eating session, we gathered in the living room to watch another Adam Sandler movie (pede ma-inlove sa kanya? haha). Because recently the movies we're watching are Adam Sandler's movies. Woohoo! What a day, what a night! All I can say is THANK YOU LORD FOR EVERYTHING! Indeed, God never failed to make me feel His love on my birthday. I felt special and blessed. *tears of joy*

But yes, I can't hide the fact that a ceratin part of me now-a-days is not okay. Things that happened brought changes in me, and it's inevitable. But I remembered the text message my Papeng sent me the last Sunday I spent in Davao before we left. I was in so much pain during that time, and these times, I am really having a hard time like that one. I sent him a text that time while I was painfully crying, "Pang, sakit man kaayo uy." And his answer was this. . . (see the message in the cellphone photo)
Looking back to that certain time, I was able to remember the 'Parable of the Caterpillar'. The caterpillar was struggling everyday, in pain,  for his existence not knowing that God had already planned everything that is going to happen and that one day he will be a beautiful butterfly, fluttering from flower to flower, drinking the nectar of daisies, and gloriously adore the colorful rainbow and the awsomeness of nature as he flies.

Recently, I said to Papeng, "Lisuda jud diay mahimong beautiful butterfly Pang uy. Sakit jud diay kaayo. (crying)" And he answered back, "Yes, anak it is. But that is all part of the process. Hold on because soon you will be that beautiful butterfly." I was relieved. Now, I may be the struggling caterpillar, but I will patiently live for the One who knows what's ahead and what's best.

-- Often times, we lose patience, we lose hope. Human as we are, we find ourselves at the very bottom, and would have the feeling of not being able to get up and face what's ahead. We get trapped, we get afraid. But God's promise remains. It's written in 1 Corinthians 10:13,

"Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps His promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, He will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out."
(Million thanks to Mr. Hans Jason for sharing this photo)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Love is in My Hair

[My Barbie Doll's Birthday today! Happy Birthday to Miss Aia de Leon (as if mabasa ni niya noh? haha) I just couldn't set aside how you touch my heart with your songs (Imago songs) even until these times. You would forever be one of my idols.]
In fairness, I LOVE her hair here. Same kaming short hair. *winkz*

 
I've known you for quite awhile.
Never ashamed to tell you what's on my mind,
whether it's wrong or right.
When I feel like salting the ocean
You're fresh water for my eyes.
You give me this
you give me that
and this kiss is getting wild
and just maybe, just maybe.
When I get to my room
I'm still drowning from your stare
How could I now sleep
When love is in my hair?
Set aside some time to be with you tomorrow
Set aside some time to repeat what happened tonight.
Whenever I carry jars of regret
I stumble over and over again
The slip breaks me
and that kills your heart
When you feel like falling apart
I'd come running to catch you
Oh you give me so much hope
all the stars have agreed
Let my dreams somersault
Paint your rainbows here.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Panaginip Lang

By: Paramita

[bigla ko lang silang naalala. . Na-miss kong pakinggan mga kanta nila. Sayang, 'di na zefra ng banda 'tong kantang toh noon]

Ngayon, sa 'king pag-iisa
Nahihibang sa kaiisip kung iiwasan ka
Hahayaan ko na bang tuluyan ng ibaon sa limot ang ala-ala mo

At ang lahat ng iyong mga sinabi sa akin
Maaari bang limutin ang nangyare sa atin

Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako
Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako, oh

Ako parin ay nagtatanong
Kung meron pang kaunting pag-asang
Magkabalikan
Pero ayoko ng maulit pa

Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako
Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako

Ooh, sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw. . Aaahw

Ano ang iyong madarama
Kung malaman mong ito'y panaginip lang
Ano ang iyong ma-iisip
Kung bukas ay di ka na muling gigising pa, oh
Ano ang iyong madarama
Kung malaman mong ito'y panaginip lang, oh
Ano ang iyong ma-iisip
Kung di ka na muling gigising pa. . .

[graveh, kapuya type sa cp oi hehe memorize pa jud diay nako ang song, ΓΌ]

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Cast Thy Burden

By: Don Moen

[ Remembering this song, I see myself before as a young, little girl singing this song in their prayer meetings. Singing unto God with all her heart. . Knowing where all her worries and pains should go. ]

Cast thy burden upon the Lord
And He shall sustain thee
He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. .

As for me, I will call upon God
And the Lord will save me. .

Evening and morning and at noon will I pray and cry aloud. .
He shall hear my voice.

[ I am at peace. ]