Yes, I've been so bad. Haven't blogged for ages! :( I don't even have an entry blog for April. But oh well, what can I do? For the past weeks, I have been super busy. A lot of things happened and I don't know where to start. :/ Maybe I should just point out all the things that are keeping me busy. Sometimes I wonder, is it good to be busy and do a lot of things or just do nothing at all?
Well, last week my mum got sick and it went really bad. As I can remember, it started on Thursday, 5th of May. I haven't had enough sleep looking after her because I'm worried on what's happening to her. I sorta thought that it was just a flu bacause she has this flu-like-symptoms, but we eventually found out that it wasn't a flu at all. So she was referred to a hospital where further tests and treatment could be done. And yes, it was the day of my birthday when she was admitted to the hospital. :( But all is good now, medications are working on her and she's better than before. I'm still hoping for her fast, total recovery.
I also wondered why I felt that my birthday is nothing so special. I felt like I am not special at all. I even ended up comparing my birthday last year and this year and thought they're somehow the same. The same in a sense that last year, it was so difficult for me to celebrate for my birthday because I was broken hearted and now, a lot of things are bothering me and making me feel that I am not going anywhere to make me feel absolutely good about myself. But I'm still thankful about this new year given to me but hey, I am human and I have feelings and sometimes I do need some appreciation too. And yes, it feels good to make others happy, to make them feel loved and cared for, to be there for them always -- but like any other person, I wanted people to do the same as well. I know this is bad, I can see myself complaining and I'm being 'nega' again, but this is what I feel at the moment. I should really learn not to expect more from people because it hurts knowing that you can't always have what you want.
And this one more thing bothering my mind and my emotions! This is what I hate most at the moment. I am confused and this is really not the time to be emotionally confused or bothered because there are a lot of things happening already! -- The past is haunting me again and it sucks big time. :( Another reason for me to learn not to expect too much, 'coz I might end up in tears again.
So much for the 'emo' side, another thing that's keeping me busy is work, as usual, and the course I am taking related to that -- the Certificate 4 course. My birthday night ended up doing some study with my workmates, Teresa and Dylan. Assessments and research are needed to be done and it was so bad doing it the night before our class. But it was all good, we were able to complete the questions we needed to answer and it was also good that finally, we already have an idea for our major project which needs to be presented at the end of the course. So yes, we are gonna be super busy about this on the weeks and months to come.
Okay, I don't know what to say anymore and I might end this blog soon. But I still feel like saying something.. Hmm.. Maybe I just wanted to say this -- eventhough I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, I have to say that my spiritual level is still high. Faith that keeps me going, faith that is keeping me tough. And as long as this faith is burning in me, I know I can and I will succeed on anything. Go meeee! :)