Our Daily Bread
Sunday, June 24, 2012
It has been a while.. Oh, wait.. It has been a long while that I haven't been blogging. Too busy? Yes, that's always the reason. Or maybe I'm just forgetting that I actually have this blog site where I can say and write everything I feel. Hmmm.. Or maybe I just didn't want to blog because I am in total denial of what's happening in my life. Total denial that I am falling to pieces once again and I'm not coping very well with the changes that's happened and the decisions I've made. Kinda sad, yeah? Funny how what I feel right now is somewhat the same with what I've blogged last time -- "Change". Another change is gonna happen. Oh, let me rephrase that.. 'Changes' are gonna happen. Too many that the anxiety I'm feeling right now is doubled, or maybe tripled, with what I've felt before. When you think that life is gonna get better after a certain change, then you'll see that it doesn't and it's getting worse. So okay, I'm being too negative and this is wrong but I do think that sometimes. :/ But to be honest, I'm glad that in everything that's happening, all the changes and worrying on this and that, one thing remains.. And it is my FAITH. Faith in Him (God) and in myself. I often forget that He is there, that He is in control of me and I couldn't do anything without Him. He should be in control. And when I am reminded of that, I suddenly feel safe as if I can do all things! I am reminded of who I am and that I have a purpose that only He knows at the moment. I am also glad that I have friends who are there to remind me that the path with Him will never be easy but the path I've chosen is definitely worth all the pain. I remembered what He said in Luke 17.6, "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you!". I once asked my Papa about this, if this is true, and he said it is but with that faith He's saying there, that faith is pure. So pure that even if it is as small as the size of the said seed, it can make wonders! I didn't get that at that time and I can say that until now I'm still not getting it. Why? Because I do know that I have faith but it is not pure where I am not able to worry about anything at all. I can say that it is somehow blurry and not firm enough that is why I often times easily break and panic. In my heart, I know that faith is there and I have the desire to make this faith strong enough for me to be able to handle things in a better, smoother way. Not worrying, not over thinking, not panicking. And I will get there. I know this faith will get there. So much for all these changes. Let's see what happens in months time. Hopefully, it's gonna be a LOT better. So help me, God.