Our Daily Bread

Greetings!

Hello you! Yes, you! :) You're here on my page and yes, you will know me... maybe just a glimpse of me but since you're here, you can already see a part of who I am. I welcome you to my blogging world and I'm happy to have you here!

Thanks for dropping by!

Love to all!

Monday, March 18, 2019

Strength

These days, I have a heart that can praise God in all circumstance. I have a heart that puts my full trust in Him. If there is anything that is so wonderful and magical in what has happened in my life in the past few months, it is the awesome work of My King. He gave me a difficult challenge and that tough trial has lead me to rekindle my relationship with Him. He gave me the biggest challenge yet, and has shown me that I don't need anything or anyone else, only Him.. and Him alone. And, He is right. He is always right. He always manifests Himself with wonders, with questions left unanswered, with hurts that we cannot fathom, only to realise that HE IS GOD, AND HE IS MIGHTY TO SAVE ME!

So many times, I have fallen short of praising Him and calling His name.. and yes, He has missed me. He has missed me so much that He allowed heartaches and pains, just so I can call unto Him again. So I may realise that I have Him and that He is everything I need. Years went on and I was stuck. Stuck in a loop where I didn't even know I needed to be saved.. Until He's made me feel that I need Him. He's made me feel that in Him there is refuge, there is hope, there is true love.

People who knows what has happened to me would wonder, "How come I am okay?", "How can she be happy already?", "How can she act like nothing terrible has happened and that she has hurt people?". These are some of the questions I find people asking. And indeed.. it's fair to ask those questions. Although I may feel like answering them, "Why wouldn't I be happy?", "Can't I be happy or choose to be happy?". But instead of asking more questions, I look up and pray.. I pray that I will have a heart with so much strength, that I may accept the things that I cannot change.. That I may accept and understand how people react and feel. I wanted it so much to answer all their questions.. But, even if how much I try and tell them that there is only one answer.. I don't think they will ever understand that the only reason that I am breathing right now and able to smile is because I have a God that has saved me from my hurts and miseries. That I have a powerful God that I serve. That I have a God that is my true love and hope. I can only pray for others and lift them up to God. I can only pray and ask that one day, they will see, they will understand on how I am so grateful with the life I have, even though I have made mistakes, because the God I have is so loving and merciful and that He will never ever abandon me. How I wish people would know that. How I wish they will see how magical life can be when you're living in faith with God.

And so for the people that don't understand.. I have to let go, and let God. Not cutting them off in my life, but keeping a distance so I can focus on what a beautiful life is in front of me, not dwelling on the hurts and all the questions. I cannot simply dwell on the mistakes I have made, because I'm not gonna be able to move on. If I dwell on the past, it will only keep hurting me and I will continuously be stuck in that loop where I don't have an exit. I don't wanna be stuck in that. I don't wanna be in that place again.. Because now I am reminded that in God there is fullness of joy and healing. How wonderful life is! How great is my God!

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Praise and Worship

It's amazing that in whatever I do, wherever I am... I am able to praise and worship God. It's magical and full of wonders! With everything I feel... whatever it is, I am able to call unto Him and lift Him all of me.

Praising God does awesome things! You straight away feel good and at peace! So now, I always do it... like the most beautiful habit.

I have missed this. I have missed how close I am to God. HE IS ENOUGH FOR ME... MORE THAN ENOUGH! And I am so blessed to have such a powerful King that I serve!

HE IS MY EVERYTHING!!!

I will never, ever, get tired of praising Him! For He hasn't even once, gotten tired of looking after me, His princess. Thank You, Lord, for all your grace and love. It is new every morning!!! And you always make a way for me to feel your unending and unconditional love.

"My King, I pray, continue to give me a brave heart. A heart that can endure whatever it is that You want me to do. The strength to face every challenge with a grateful heart. The courage to stay positive on top of every difficulty life will bring. You know that I get weak, I get tired.. but I find refuge in You. I find home. So, be with me always, Lord. For you have already planned everything for me. So use me, and mold me to become the beautiful person You have always wanted me to be. I offer you all of me, Lord. In Jesus name I pray... Amen!"

Monday, March 4, 2019

A Grateful Heart

The past week has been tough. Tougher than the past few weeks, I would say. It has to do with the recent happenings in my life, and though I try my very best to stay strong.. my fragile heart still hurts.

I am still learning the beauty of not allowing the opinions of people affect me.. because yes, I do care. I care a lot.. which has lead me to the position where I am now.

I say, my heart is still grateful. Grateful enough that despite the hurtful things that are said about me, I keep myself strong.. and although often times I am not successful in doing so.. still I offer them to God and I am grateful for them.

It just hurts knowing that with a mistake that you have made, people tend to forget all the good things you have done in your life and other people.. especially, the ones you love and hold dearly in your heart. I even felt frustration in the idea of being recognised as someone who has made a mistake, and because of that, they see you as a bad person.

I am only human. I make mistakes. We all do. I know I have done something wrong, but I'm not going to allow myself linger on my mistakes.. because, how am I gonna be able to move on? I don't wanna be stuck on my mistakes. I know my mistakes and I don't plan to repeat them. I didn't even mean to hurt people but in the process of finding myself again, and choosing myself above others.. I am the bad person.

I am not perfect and I'm definitely still in the works of becoming the best version of myself. I chose myself and my happiness and that is ultimately the best decision I have made all these years. I chose to be happier. I chose to live a better life. And I ask myself, is this the price I have to pay for choosing my own happiness? Maybe it is. Maybe this is all part of the process. People hating you and not wanting to see your face or be with you for a while. And that is absolutely fine. I do understand.. because I know they only want what's best for me and not do the same mistakes again.

It's all part of the 'people will have different reactions, feelings, thoughts, and opinions', which are all valid, and I can't change that. What I can do though, is continue to love and care for them. Continue to pray for them. Continue to wait until they heal, too. Like me, I am still in the process of healing and even forgiving myself. Accepting the things that I cannot change, and having the courage to change the things that I can. I'm not in control of others, but I am in control of myself and how I face certain situations.. and that is what I am sticking on. Choosing to do what is right when a difficult situation arises. When my heart is pained by how people see me. I don't wanna dwell in the idea of 'I am such a bad person', because I know that there is no truth in that. I'm a person who made a mistake and I will learn from it. I am a person who will rise up after falling. I am a person who trusts God completely!

So tonight, I offer my worried heart to God. How lucky am I to have a God that loves me unconditionally? That is the sole reason why I am grateful and I find happiness in that fact. That I have God.. so, who could ever be against me? I get hurt and worried but I am not sorry for choosing my own happiness. I am sorry, though, for people I have hurt in the process.

Lord, continue healing my heart and make it stronger than ever, because I know that there are a lot more challenges coming my way. Please continue to bless my heart that it continues to love and care for the people around me. Strengthen all of me that I will win this battle, for I am nothing without You. My faith remains on You, Lord, and I am grateful that I have You in my heart. Continue blessing the people I love and care for, that their hearts will heal, too, as You heal mine. In Jesus name I pray... Amen.

Monday, February 25, 2019

PAST

All caps for the title of this entry... because today, a revelation shocked me that has to do with the past.

PAST - I consider it as part of God's plan. That He has allowed everything to happen because He has a purpose. He has His reasons. And although I may not know the answers, I may not know His reason, still I have faith that it's part of His wonderful plans.

The past can definitely hurt me. In so many ways, that until now, I still wonder on how He allowed some awful things to happen. Broken family, broken promises. He allowed all of those to manifest. Why? Because He loves me. He loves us. There are definitely a lot of questions to ask still. But I offer them all to God. I offer all my questions, feelings, and emotions.. because I simply cannot do anything else but to trust Him. All I can really do is put my complete faith in Him. And I know that that is what He wants to happen. For me to only trust Him, nothing else. What I mighty God I serve!

And so today, even though a revelation from the past has inflicted pain in my heart.. I am grateful.. so grateful that God made me the way I am. He made my heart the way it is. A heart that is capable of loving everything and everyone despite of the things that have hurt me. I am grateful on how God made me like this, although I feel like sometimes it's easier if I actually am capable of hating.. capable of having grudges in my heart. But no! He doesn't want that. He made my heart pure enough to accept the things that I cannot change. A heart that can embrace the reality that life can be so unfair and mean. A heart that can forgive. A heart that can heal.. and love more and more, and even some more!

Thank You, God, for this heart of mine. You made me how and what I am, and I'm grateful for it.. I truly am. And so, I am offering this fragile heart to You. You have looked after me all these years and I know that You will do the same for the coming years. I know that you will take care of my heart wherever I go, who ever I'm with, whatever I do.. So, thank You, Father God. Thank you for Your unending and unconditional love. You are the same today, yesterday, and forever! And I am so proud to be called Your princess. My King, You are the source of all the joy and love that is in my heart right now. I cannot thank You enough for making it possible for me to be genuinely happy! I am so inlove with You Lord!

Saturday, February 23, 2019

GENUINE JOY AND LOVE

All caps on the title itself as it needed to emphasized, although, writing it in all caps can't give enough justice on how these feelings are manifesting in me in a huge way!

I haven't felt like this in so long, and I am truly grateful for feeling like this right now. The God who made it possible for me to feel all this joy and love, He is so amazing and I cry in joy on how He is so great and how He loves me so much! As I am typing away at the moment, I can't help put cry for joy! The tears that I have waited in so long... the tears of pure bliss!

Lord, thank You for everything! I don't know what I ever did to feel this way at the moment... But I trust that it is You who made this possible. I wonder how I feel this way... yet, I am reminded that I have prayed for this. I have prayed for healing, joy, love... and again, You have answered me. You love me so much even at times I feel like I am not worthy... You never, even once left me... even if I was in a way distant from You. Thank You, Lord, for never giving up on me. Thank You for making me feel so beautiful and for making me fall inlove with myself again. It's a feeling that I haven't felt in so long, and I have forgotten how it feels... but You made it possible to happen. Thank You, Lord for everything! I simply cannot thank You enough. But, what I can do is to continue to call unto You, to continue praising You, continue loving and trusting You in everything that happens in my life, continue to serve you, and continue telling people about how great You truly are!!!

I'm on a high on how inlove I am to God. This feeling of being inlove to Him, I haven't felt in so long that I have forgotten how amazing it feels! It radiates!!! I feel so happy and beautiful as well. How amazing?!

So, before I end this entry for today, I will leave a message that has kept me holding unto God ---

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path."

My heart is genuinely happy and full of love.

Friday, February 22, 2019

Emotional

It's been about 3 weeks now that I haven't been able to write something in here, although, I've always had the desire to do so... and tonight, here I am :)

So, what's been happening lately?

A LOT OF THINGS!  As usual... but in a very, very good way.

I have been loving and living the dream of finally practicing my nursing profession. The love that I feel with doing my job is overwhelming and I have God to thank for for everything!

"Lord, I am beyond grateful for everything that You have made possible. You show Your love to me in ways that I can't describe sometimes, and I feel often times that I'm not worthy but Your unending grace and love just overflows, and I can't thank You enough. Thank You, Lord, for everything!!!"

I AM SO INLOVE WITH NURSING! Like, there is no day when I'm at work where I just feel the power of being able to look after people in need, and this is what I do for a living! Are you kiddin' me?! :D
My heart is full of joy and love that it shows! It radiates to the people around me and I am just so thrilled to be an instrument of His love and grace. To be able to do this as my job, is simply AMAZING!!!

Nurse Christine - that is who and what I am, and I am so damn proud to be one!!! To be rewarded by doing this... I cannot fathom how happy I am now, that when I have to look back a month ago, I was in such deep sorrows to the point where I'm at the very bottom, but God saved me and showed me that LIFE IS WORTH LIVING AND THAT HE IS GREATER THAN ANYTHING OR ANYONE IN THIS WORLD!

I am definitely happier and feeling so much better than a month ago!
THANK YOU, FATHER GOD, FOR GIVING BACK MY JOYFUL HEART! I can't help but be emotional with all that's been happening in my life right now. I know sometimes I feel like I'm not worthy to be happy, questions like, "Should I be feeling happy right now? Do I have the right to feel this way?", but then again, I say to myself... I have prayed for this. I have prayed for my sorrowful heart to heal... to feel good again. To be happy again. To feel LOVE again... and all of this are exactly the ones evident in my heart right now. No lies. No doubts. Just purse bliss.

I AM GRATEFUL.

So, Little Christine... smile... because YOU DESERVE IT!!! WOOHOO :D

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Training Day

Today was a struggle. Like, I thought I was going to be free of migraine attacks today because the weather is nice and not too hot... but nope! I had a massive migraine attack on our manual handling taring today T-T

I struggled so much especially this morning, but I was able to excuse myself to but some meds down at the chemist, near the hospital. The meds did help a bit, but I still struggled all day :(

It only eased up on my way home, which I was so thankful about (Thank You, Lord!) So when I got home, I immediately decided to cook us dinner 'coz if not, we have nothing to eat for tonight LOL

Anyways, today has been challenging but it was still amazing! Learnt a lot of stuff, especially from the manual handling training this morning.

I am grateful for today, and I have God to thank for it. Tomorrow, I'm gonna be working on the floor for the first time!!! Woohoo! I'm really excited, but a bit nervous too! I just have to remind myself all the time that I am not alone and I have all the support that I need when I emerge myself on the floor. The staff has been so supportive to me before when I did my placement there, and I feel like everyone around me is there to support me, so I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I know... it's hard for me not to be too hard on myself, 'coz I expect myself to know a lot of things already.. and I do! I know a lot of things... but there are certainly things that I'm still not confident about. Like A LOT OF THINGS. But, I am doing this for Him, and I know that I have Him on my side no matter what. So, I'm gonna try my best to take it easy and to give my full trust in Him. I know He will look after me.

So, today has been okay all in all. My heart is grateful.

THANK YOU, LORD!!!

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Nursing

I've been meaning to blog but it has been really busy lately. I know. Excuses, right? I'm trying though, so that's good.. I guess.

Anyway, it has been busy. I started work yesterday, and was very grateful for yesterday. I have fallen in love more on the profession that God has set for me, and most especially, I have fallen more in love to the hospital I'm in. Yesterday made me feel like I am in the perfect place where I felt like, yes! God is truly amazing on putting me in a place where my values align with theirs. How cool is that?!

They now call me "The compassion lady" and I feel good about it. The story behind that is quite long. But just know that it comes from a very good place. Also, the CEO recognised me and knows me, including the Mission Director (actually the nickname came from the Mission Director lady hehe). Anyway, these people I've mentioned are truly an inspiration. I felt like I am in good hands and in a good place. Not just from these two people but from the Graduate Nurse Coordinators and the support we get from the Practice Development Nurses. They are all truly amazing! I feel so supported already and I am truly grateful for everything and everyone! Including my colleagues, the new grad nurses from our batch in 2019. We are a bunch of great people who will be serving people in need.

"God, You are amazing! And I feel so overwhelmed on how Your work is full of love. I can feel them all, oh My Lord! You are amazing! And Papeng is right, the dawn is coming and I can nearly see it! I can nearly see the light out of all these darkness. I cry on how You make me feel so loved and cared for. That all these years... since I was in my Momi's womb, You have looked after me until now. Thank You, Lord, for everything and for everyone that surrounds me. I will keep working hard to be a better version of myself so I can give it all back to You! All the glory and praise that You deserve... because You are My King!!!"

Tonight, I will rest with a grateful heart. I thank God for all the blessings... may it be the darkness or the light... He knows what He is doing, and I praise Him with all of me.

I am so excited to embrace the Lord with this new chapter in my life. That maybe, just maybe... He took away something from my heart, and everything that I have... so I can see that He is the only one left. That He is the only one I can turn to. And yes, I humbly thank the Lord for everything that He made possible to happen, just because He loves me that way. And so, I trust in Him.. and on Him alone.

Signing off with a grateful heart.

HALLELUJAH!!! MY GOD IS FULLY ALIVE (AGAIN) IN MY HEART!!!

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Grief

A strong word. A strong feeling. A strong emotion. Something that can take over you and eat you as a whole - Grief.

Yes. I am still grieving inside. As much as I don't wanna feel it, it's there. It comes in as a tiny wave or a huge storm in my heart... and all I can do is to let myself feel it.

At this recent happening in my life, I've realised that grief comes in different forms. You can say you grieve when someone you love so much passes away. But this, this kind of grieving, I don't know how to face it sometimes. I don't know how to manage it. All I know is to allow myself to feel it and face it!

As I let myself flow with grief, I offer this intense sorrow and heartache to God, because I know that He allows us to feel anything... even grief, to remind us that He is greater than all of this. That He is mightier than grief. And so, I offer my heart unto You, oh Lord! Be with me in this tough journey, because I am nothing and no one without You! I trust in You that You are already far ahead and You know and can already see me in the future. You have made everything possible for the best of me, and for me to become your perfect child. Keep molding me Lord, so I may be able to serve you a 100%!

And so... I am grieving, but this too shall pass.

*cries*

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Reflections of Little Christine

Wow! I haven't been blogging for I don't know how many months now...

IT HAS BEEN CRAZY!

But, I have God to thank for everything.

There are so many things to say, so little time. If I have to write it all down, it's gonna be really long... But, I'm gonna start it with saying...

GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS! I know, 'coz He just answered mine.

Life hasn't been perfect, I get that. To the point where, you start asking God, "Why is this happening to me?! Why?! :(" He definitely doesn't give you the answer right away. Nope. He will do a lot of things to show you that He is God... and that right there is simply amazing!

I'm writing this all down now like nothing tragic has happened to me recently. Like everything has been well, and everything is happy, and good. But nope. It hasn't been. And so far, it has been one of the most tragic events of my life :(

But, it has all been planned by Him. He planned it all 'coz He knows what's best for me, what I need... and it's amazing that after all these years that I have been distant from God, He never gave up on me. He watches over me, He makes sure I am loved and that He is there... He is God. I don't even know how I can express how overwhelmed I am from everything that has happened to me so far, but He continues to show me that He loves me and He has never abandoned me.

HE HAS HEARD MY PRAYERS!!!
My God is an amazing God and now I feel like I can face the world with so much power! I feel so inspired, motivated to move forward for whatever God gives me. It's amazing on how I can stand up and put my chin up, despite the fact that is has been really hard to even get out of bed, like 2-3 weeks ago... But, His love overflows. He reminds me that He is greater than all of this! Greater than whatever life throws at me... and I'm crying while typing away... because I am loved by the most amazing God in the universe. He is there. He is alive. So alive in my heart that I feel like I can conquer the world!!!

Amazing things are coming and I can't freakin' wait!!!

Thank You, Lord for everything!

And thank You for always making me feel Your love and care through people that surrounds me who embraces all of me, accepts everything that I am. I am truly grateful!

MY HEART IS FULL OF LOVE and this is all You, my God. All YOU!!!

So, how is little Christine doing? Little Christine is not a 100% yet, but she is definitely getting there. She is smiling more, laughing more, and embracing all the blessings. She still cries, and she's still hurting, but little Christine has got God, so what more can she ask for, right?

Aaaaaaaahhh~ I can't stop tears from my eyes falling and this is not because I am sad, but because I feel all the love, I feel all the joy. So, thank You Lord for everything that You have made possible, because I simply prayed for it! I prayed for it and have forgotten about it, but still, You answered it and I am simply amazed in wonder of Your love and majesty. Majesty... one of my favorite words. 'Coz when I hear it or speak of it, I simply remember the God that has looked after me from the day I was born, up to this day, the same God has nurtured me and has molded me to be His perfect child. So, yes! Today, little Christine is HAPPY!!!

Praise God and His Majesty! Praise His name above the earth!!!

YOU ARE MY GREAT GOD AND I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE YOU IN MY HEART, SO ALIVE, AGAIN!!!

Signing off for now,

Little Christine