heaven sent

CHANGE

2012-02-25T15:18:00.002-08:00

CHANGE; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But here's the truth.. The more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. And sometimes, change is.. everything. --Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy ♥

Sharing this wonderful quote from one of my favorite TV shows, Grey's Anatomy. I haven't been marathon-ing it for a while and I do miss it. I actually miss doing a LOT of things and this is in connection to this shared quote. Change -- it is inevitable. We cannot prevent it from happening. It happens everyday and often times we really don't want it happening but alas! It is there every single day. Sometimes it tends to stop us from the things we wanna do, things we wanna happen, things we are used to. It hurts knowing that it may lead us feeling troubled and worried but knowing and accepting that change is just there, maybe.. just maybe changing the way we think about it would make a difference. Looking at it in a more constuctive way rather than considering it as something that would destroy us. Trying to adapt to it rather than choosing to get stuck on the things we are usually doing. And it is true, sometimes change is good. We just have to deal with it in a better way. Yes, it is scary (espacially to me who's a very vulnerable person), but I am learning to feel good about it. It is amazing on how 'change' can make you a better person and I'm not saying this just for the hell of saying it but because my experiences says it all. And pfft! It is never easy, but that's how we learn and mature -- understanding that even if change may surprise you in different ways, if you know how to handle it, it could be the BEST thing!

So yeah, I am hopeful. A great change is gonna happen to me in this season of my life. I am terrified. I am scared. I am worried. I wouldn't deny all that. But I am full of HOPE, full of FAITH within myself and especially to My Creator that ALL IS WELL AND EVERYTHING IS UNFOLDING AS IT SHOULD! Now, I just remembered what my friend (Kat Casanova) told me one time, that something really good is happening and I am gonna hold on to that.

Universe, I've always wondered how wonderful my life has been since I've been present in the beauty of existing in you and though I've struggled a lot before and many more challenges are ahead of me, I should say.. It has been fruitful and my heart is grateful for EVERYTHING. God, thanks for taking care of my life in this universe You've made. Truly, I feel Your unconditional LOVE every single day.

*smiles from the bottom of my heart*

In The Mourning

2012-02-22T06:18:00.003-08:00

http://soundcloud.com/aiamiming/in-the-mourning-cover

...Because this song suits this crucial stage of my life. And yes, I do love this song from one of my favorite bands, Paramore.

I can't believe that I haven't been blogging for how many months now. 2012 kicked in and yet I didn't even bother to blog here again. That is just sad. As sad as how I feel right now. :(
I was talking to Him before and actually told Him these words -- "Life sucks." As I was crying my heart out. I knew right there and then that what I said was true and at the same time not right to say, especially to Him. But I thought, He knows what's in my heart and mind already, so might as well not pretend and say "Life is beautiful" where in fact I'm in a lonley state right now and actually having this feeling that the universe is being unfair. I still can't get over the thought of blogging all this now because this is my first blog of the new year and yet it's about lonliness and confusion and cries. It is actually 1.18 a.m. and I can't sleep. That's probably the reason why I am blogging all I feel right now because I just have to. God, I am sorry if at this moment I am feeling all negative and sad, but You know the situation I am in and I'm tired. Really tired. But despite all this, I am grateful. Why? Because I know deep in me that You are gonna save me from this awful state of lonliness. I am grateful because I know that everything happens for a reason and I may not know it now, but the day would come that I would get Your message for letting all this happen. I am grateful because even if I'm feeling this way, my FAITH is growing and my TRUST in You is not failing. Geez.. I'm really doing well on ending this blog. (Didn't expect that.)

So anyway, before actually ending this, here's the beautiful lyrics of the song:

You escaped like a runaway train
Off the tracks and down again
My heart's beating like a steamboat tugging
All your burdens, on my shoulders

In the mourning I'll rise
In the mourning I'll let you die
In the mourning, all my worries

Now there's nothing but time that's wasted
And words that have no backbone
Now it seems like the whole world is waiting
Can you here the echoes fading?

In the mourning I'll rise
In the mourning I'll let you die
In the mourning, all my sorries

T-T

90th Entry -- A Weakling.

2011-06-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

*sigh*
No blog entry for April, one entry for May and this -- first entry for June. Yes, I haven't been blogging too much. Wondering why. Wondering what's wrong. I don't wanna be too emotional yet here I am, starting this blog with a sigh.

June already?! How quick is the time? Can't even pause it for a while and do all the things that I have to do. You know, like when you watch a certain movie, where you can pause it for a while and just play it again after doing a certain thing. At this moment, I should be honest enough to say that I am tired of EVERYTHING! At this point, I am no longer certain on what I feel. It feels like I'm just floating on where I am, not knowing where to go, not motivated enough to reach the goal, not inspired to keep on moving forward. I say to myself, "What a weakling? You should be better than that! But look at you? Going no where." Yes, I am a weakling. Last month, I said my spirits are still high, but now I can say that it's falling down and that's not a good sign.

Today, on my way home, I gave in. I cried. Sign of weakness again. There's too much unwanted feelings hidden inside me and I don't know what to do or how to deal with it anymore. So yes, I prayed. I prayed hard. And you know what? He gave me a wonderful message for this day. That He is God -- God is God. He reminded me that He's just there. And then, I was ashamed of myself. I forgot that He's just there. Forgot that I should be thankful for a lot of things. Forgot that I should not just look on the hardships, but to every single blessing He's giving me. Forgot that I can't do anything without Him on my side, doing things on my own.

And so I said to myself that I shouldn't continue to be like this. I should be strong because I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. I know I can do better. I must prove to myself, especially to Him, that I am not a weakling. He didn't send me to this world to be weak and just fail. Whatever is the purpose on why I'm here on where I am, it's according to what He had planned for me. And I do believe that His plans are always great, always amazing.

(from Our Daily Bread, 7th of June '11)
Lord, help us trust You all the time
Regardless of what comes our way,
Accepting from Your goodness that
You always have the final say. —Sper

Life is hard, but God is good—all the time.

14th of May -- You can't always have what you want.

2011-05-13T19:35:00.001-07:00

Yes, I've been so bad. Haven't blogged for ages! :( I don't even have an entry blog for April. But oh well, what can I do? For the past weeks, I have been super busy. A lot of things happened and I don't know where to start. :/ Maybe I should just point out all the things that are keeping me busy. Sometimes I wonder, is it good to be busy and do a lot of things or just do nothing at all?

Well, last week my mum got sick and it went really bad. As I can remember, it started on Thursday, 5th of May. I haven't had enough sleep looking after her because I'm worried on what's happening to her. I sorta thought that it was just a flu bacause she has this flu-like-symptoms, but we eventually found out that it wasn't a flu at all. So she was referred to a hospital where further tests and treatment could be done. And yes, it was the day of my birthday when she was admitted to the hospital. :( But all is good now, medications are working on her and she's better than before. I'm still hoping for her fast, total recovery.

I also wondered why I felt that my birthday is nothing so special. I felt like I am not special at all. I even ended up comparing my birthday last year and this year and thought they're somehow the same. The same in a sense that last year, it was so difficult for me to celebrate for my birthday because I was broken hearted and now, a lot of things are bothering me and making me feel that I am not going anywhere to make me feel absolutely good about myself. But I'm still thankful about this new year given to me but hey, I am human and I have feelings and sometimes I do need some appreciation too. And yes, it feels good to make others happy, to make them feel loved and cared for, to be there for them always -- but like any other person, I wanted people to do the same as well. I know this is bad, I can see myself complaining and I'm being 'nega' again, but this is what I feel at the moment. I should really learn not to expect more from people because it hurts knowing that you can't always have what you want.

And this one more thing bothering my mind and my emotions! This is what I hate most at the moment. I am confused and this is really not the time to be emotionally confused or bothered because there are a lot of things happening already! -- The past is haunting me again and it sucks big time. :( Another reason for me to learn not to expect too much, 'coz I might end up in tears again.

So much for the 'emo' side, another thing that's keeping me busy is work, as usual, and the course I am taking related to that -- the Certificate 4 course. My birthday night ended up doing some study with my workmates, Teresa and Dylan. Assessments and research are needed to be done and it was so bad doing it the night before our class. But it was all good, we were able to complete the questions we needed to answer and it was also good that finally, we already have an idea for our major project which needs to be presented at the end of the course. So yes, we are gonna be super busy about this on the weeks and months to come.

Okay, I don't know what to say anymore and I might end this blog soon. But I still feel like saying something.. Hmm.. Maybe I just wanted to say this -- eventhough I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, I have to say that my spiritual level is still high. Faith that keeps me going, faith that is keeping me tough. And as long as this faith is burning in me, I know I can and I will succeed on anything. Go meeee! :)

30th of March -- Happiness Is A Choice!

2011-03-30T04:22:00.001-07:00

I am really sorry 'coz I said on the blog before this one that I'm gonna be blogging again but I didn't. Yeah, that was yesterday and yes, I was indeed too busy! >.< So anyway, I am here again and I'll try my best to blog some more. I don't know what exactly I should write in here now but as usual, I'll say what I have to say.

Hmmm. Where should I start? :s Ok, I'll start on some happenings today.
Usual routine really -- wake up, go to work, home, and sleep! -- more about work today? Well, I did had fun! :) Not too toxic today but tiring really, as usual, but I am happy. :) I remembered one of the staff asking me yesterday if how do I feel at work, how do I feel about work. I answered back a simple response and said, "I am happy! :)" and he was sort of surprised about my response. Well, that's really what I feel. Should I explain more? :) He further said that he was surprised and wondered why am I happy, saying that he hopes it'll stay long or it would last, and then I thought and said to myself, "Why won't it last? Happiness is a choice!" Yes, I knew what he meant. Thinking that the job we have is tiring and some other facts to be considered to say that happiness would be temporary on this field. But you know what? I don't care! :) 'Coz I am happy and I will be happy 'coz I am and will choose to be happy all the time!

A special friend of mine said to me before that happiness is a choice. At first, I didn't understand what it means but later on I realized that it is true. I would not be saying this just for the heck of saying it, but I am saying this now based on my own experience. Indeed, choosing to be happy is one of my everyday decisions. Whether I would like my day to be sad or just be happy. Yes, we couldn't avoid happenings which make us worried, troubled, sad, lonely, or down.. But still, it is in our hands if we would let these 'nega' feelings eat us in whole! So, should we let them? Of course not!

I'm pretty sure that I blogged something about this before -- that one of the secret ways to be happy is to appreciate every single thing in our lives. Every detail, every second -- because every second counts as a gift. :) Feel blessed, be blessed.

Nighty night everyone!

29th of March -- So Much To Thank For

2011-03-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, I've only got a couple of minutes to do this so I'm gonna be quick! I know I haven't been blogging but hey, I am just too busy. Anyways, I will blog again maybe tonight, after work.

So this is just a short one, I just wanted to express my happiness -- for all the blessings, for all the happenings in my life lately. For the people around me, for all the things I have, for the support and for the love. Yes, I am so blessed and I am more than thankful for everything! All credits to My King, He is indeed taking care of me, His princess.

Bye for now, gotta work! :)

2nd of March -- Can't Wait For The Weekend

2011-03-02T04:35:00.000-08:00

This day has been a good one. Well, of course it's a good one but I'll tell you more about it on why. ;)

This morning, at work, we did the papaer making program and I was with Faye, one of the staff at work and she's a lovely lady I should say -- inside and out. It all went good, everyone worked hard including the clients. After an hour or so of working, Lee, one of the staff, approached me because I had to head down to the reception office where Tanya is (a lady down the front office, who does most of the paper work on all client's profile updating and files). I head down there with my key client's profile from our staff room. So anyway, it was all good. My client's profile was updated already and I am happy about it. There were still some bits and pieces not done but it's pretty much alright as of the moment. Thank You Lord for that one. So after that, I went back to our room and continued with our paper making program. FF (fast forward) -- lunches were all good, we were on time on everything today actually and that is really a good thing. I had my lunch on time, as said on the roster. In the afternoon, I had a swimming program and today, I swam two clients (well, assisted two clients in the pool, in that sense). I was alright about it and we had fun down the pool. :) Thank God again.

Time to go home, but not yet, 'coz I had to meet Mum and Jc at Knox City to do some grocery shopping for the camping and yes, I AM REALLY EXCITED about the camping! I am going to a camp with Beck, my BBAF (best buddy Aussie friend), and I know that it is gonna be awesome! She said we'll be in a group, 15 people to be exact and that's gonna make it more fun! So now, I am really praying for God's guidance for everything that's gonna happen on the weekend. Before we did shopping, we ate at KFC first 'coz we were hungry, and after we enjoyed all our meals, we head down to Coles to do the grocery shopping.

When we got home, I started packing up -- yes, I haven't started packing yet 'coz I am super busy, I must say. Anyway, I am done with that now and I think I've got everything I need for the camp. Yey! I can't wait! :) Tomorrow, after work, Beck and I are gonna pop-in at our place and get all my stuff and head to their place up in Monbulk. I will spend all weekend with Becky and the rest of the group. Ooohh, how I miss camping. Just like my high school days. :)

Anyway, tonight, my Mum and I were able to ring my Utol and it was really nice. Having to hear my Utol's voice again over the phone makes me wanna hug him so tight and say, "Everything's gonna be alright!". Because at the moment, he is really nervous about the operation his son is goona have and that'll be on the 4th of March and it is a major one so we are really praying for that. May God be with my 'pamangkin' and may He guide all the medical team who are gonna be there to do the operation. I know it is not gonna be easy for my Utol and his partner, Mech, but God is good and He always is so I told them not to worry too much. I also promised Utol that I'll text Mech from time to time to monitor what's happening to them in Davao, at Brokenshire Hospital to be exact. So Lord, thank You for the success. We are claiming the victory now because I know You are that good. I am excited for my 'pamangkin's' wellness! I will be a prayer warrior for them tomorrow.

Now, I am ready for bed and I am glad that blessings were so visible on this day. All I can say is, "God, You are so great!".

Goodnight everyone! :)

1st of March -- So Much Things To Do!

2011-03-01T00:28:00.000-08:00

Hello March! Hello surprises! Hello busy-ness!

Dear, oh dear! I've got so many things to do and I've got tons of things running in my mind right now. Geez. Where should I start? This blog will definitely be a long one, 'coz first of all, I've got a lot of things to say and talk about, and second, I have decided to blog here more often -- like if I can, I will do it daily. If I'm not that good, it should be weekly then. Well, it is because of my memory (pretty pathetic actually), 'coz I keep on forgetting the things that happened weeks ago, days ago, and worst, hours ago. Yes I know that I'm too young to keep on forgetting things but this is 'me' and if it is gonna help me recall the happenings of my life through blogging, I will do it. I MUST do it. (I'm pretty bad on recalling things, to be honest -- I am forgetful!) So, with the help of my 'diary' which I got from work, it's more of an organizer really, where I write on the things happening, plans, work related stuff and places to go, I know that I can do this! So, help me God. :)

Alright, let's keep the ball rolling!

I will start blogging on what happened last week:

21st of February, Monday -- Annoying.
So this was the day when I had to wake up 3am in the morning because of this stupid nightmare! Yes, a nightmare again. And who would like that? It was the worst nightmare I had ever with the same person over and over again! Gaaaah! I've had enough really. But oh well, I'm over it. Another annoying thing was about this person that I had to let go, 'coz I believe that it is the best thing to do for now. I won't say anything about that anymore 'coz i'm over it now, thank God. So moving on, I had to work this day 'coz I need to replace someone from work. I was running a bit late but got in at work just on time, 9am sharp. I immediately ran down to help with base group things with our clients and when I look up the white board just outside the team leader's office, I saw that I had to replace Bec C. that day, though she's in but she has this fracture on her right hand and she's on light duties. So anyway, in the morning we did bowling with our clients. First, we were outside but when it started to rain, we ended up heading back to our room. There was enough space to do it there so we managed to enjoy the game inside. After helping out with lunches and stuff, I had to go swimming in the afternoon. I sort of had a bit of a problem after having my lunch 'coz I don't have my bathers with me 'coz it's not my swimming day. Luckily, I found some spare ones in the laundry and ended up using those which were quite big for me, literally, but I managed to fit them to myself and adjusted them a bit. I swam with one of the clients and we had fun down the pool. When I got home, I was like, "oh no.. My back is giving me so much pain!" It will all start on my right shoulder and would radiate up to the neck, and all over my back. The pain is giving me so much pain really. And yes, this was the reason why I decided to have it checked the week before.

22nd of February, Tuesday -- Momi and On-g's day-off.
My mum took a day off to be with me this day. Well, we've got a lot of things to do so it's worth having a day off for mum. First, we went to see the doctor at the medical clinic down at Knox City and we were lucky to be attended by a nice and good doctor. And so I told the doctor my complains about the pain my back is giving me and she said I must do some X-rays. So I went to the X-ray department and the I've known that the results will be given the day after that. I decided to ring the team leaders to let them know that I will not be able to work the next day 'coz I need to go back to the doctor. Karyn, one of the team leaders, was alright with it. After that, my mum and I had lunch at this wicked place called "chocolate" and it was a blast! We enjoyed our lunch, we enjoyed our drinks (so yummy), and we enjoyed the place. :) Another date with mum, ey? And oh, I booked for an exam that I am gonna take the next day as well. Woah!

23rd of February, Wednesday -- God is super good!
I went back to the doctor in the morning to know about the results on the X-rays done the day before. The doctor said that the bones were all good but she still reffered me to do an Ultrasound of my right shoulder 'coz maybe the problem is with the muscles or tissues. I was happy to know that it is not a serious one, but I am still having that Ultrasound to check whether there are problems inside really. Better do it now than later on when it's worst I believe. Moving on, I went home and reviewed for this Learner's Permit Test that I have to take in the afternoon. This test is for learning how to drive. I was really nervous and who wouldn't be? I think everyone that is gonna have an exam or test will be nervous. Anyway, I felt like I was having a fever because of the anxiousness I feel inside. My heart is beating so fast! I was just praying and praying until my mum and I headed to Vicroads building, where the testing centre is. So I registered at around 2:30pm because my schedule was 2:45pm for the test. When I was already inside the test area where you can see all the computers where I was gonna have the exam, I can say that I was ready for it and I managed to settle myself and said, "This is it!" When I sat there infront of one of the computers, I prayed and started to answer the 32 questions. I finished like around 3:10pm and was quite confident on my answers though I wasn't very sure with few of the questions. When I head to the counter to see one of the supervisors, she was smiling and said that I passed the exam! Woohoo! Lucky me! :) I was so happy. "Thank God!", I said. And so I payed for the fees and had a photo taken for the Learner's permit card. Though this is just the first step to get the driver's license, I know I will have a license soon and will be a good driver. We headed back home and I treated the family with pizza for dinner. Yes, I am that happy. :) I am gonna hit the road soon!

24th of February, Thursday -- Fun-tastic Day with Becky!
This day, I had papermaking program with Beck and it all went good in the morning. In the afternoon, we sort of had a relaxing time outside with the clients. Beck and I had a deal. Because she wants me to sing for them, I told her I am gonna sing if she will eat the other half of my Snickers chocolate bar. Haha. I did that because I know she's avoiding sweets or chocos in that matter, 'coz of the diet thing. So anyway, she agreed and I ended up singing a few songs for them. Becky dear, I so love you! LOL. When I got home, my mum's friend was there, Tita Ev. They were doing karaoke and so I joined it of course! Nice warm up from work, I should say. Hmm, fast forward. I cooked filipino way of cooking pansit canton for dinner and everyone loved it, thank God for that. LOL. After dinner, I watched my favorite TV series, Grey's anatomy. My day was complete by then.

25th of February, Friday -- TGIF!
Outing day with Teresa at work. We went down to Bayswater Pub and had our lunches there with our clients. We had a lovely day saying, "This is work. Outing and having fun! Lol." and yes, we were happy, except for that drunk man who approached one of our clients. We immediately decided to haed back to the centre because of that. But it was all good. :) and... Hmmm. Yes, I don't know what follows that anymore. :( That's all I can remember for this day for now. No details in my diary 'coz I haven't written any about this day. :(

26th of February, Saturday -- Tita Mary's Birthday.
I woke up pretty early for a Saturday morning, around 9am I think. Gotta prepare and pack up 'coz I am gonna spend my weekend at Tita Fely's place! Woohoo! Fast forward a bit. I left home 11am and had to walk to Knox City to catch the bus heading to Chirnside Park where Tita Fely and I have to meet to go to Tita Mary's birthday party down at Lilydale. I arrived at Chirnside maybe around 12:30pm and was waitng for Tita. She was a bit late and was trying to ring her on her mobile but there was no answer. She was actually waiting for my call on their landline that's why she was a bit late. So anyway, she got there around 1:00pm and we started heading to Tita Mary's place. When we got there, she was alreay outside, near their gate, ready to welcome us. And so, holding the cake Tita Fely baked for her, which is what I was really excited to have a taste, we went inside and few of their friends were there already. Oh actually, they were waiting for us to start eating for lunch. That was a shame, but anyway, all is good. There were a lot of food! Woah! When I saw the table, I said, "Yes! Food, food, food!" because I am super hungry! LOL. All the food on the table were all YUM! i had a taste of everything. Haha. Typical me. I was so full and was still munching some fruits after having the main meal. After some time, we decided to dance with the tune of Filipino Music and some Abba ones too! That was good fun really, though I was the youngest among the group. It's pretty much like that when I am with Tita Fely and her friends, but I don't mind. They're all good, all lovely to be with anyway. They're all pinays, I should say. We also talked about a lot of things. About life here in Aussie and life in the Philippines. Talked about life's hardships and triumphs! All sorts of stuff. I really had fun this day. Will definitely hang out with them again soon. :) Before we headed back home, some of us were able to pick some 'kalamansi' on one of Tita Mary's trees at their front yard. I was also able to take some photos of the beautiful roses she has. Then it was time to say goodbye and we were able to take some of the food home! Yahoo! LOL. Another happiness! Haha. When we got home, to Tita Fely and Tito Alan's place, we watched one of Tito Alan's dvds called BBC Earth, featuring the nature and planet earth's beauty. We were amazed of everything we saw with that one dvd and the pack has got 6, I think. It caught my interests really. It is always interseting to know about the things you don't know, you know? :) while watching, we were eating some cake. Yes, eating again! Haha. And that was with coffee. Ooohh yes, this is life. Thank God for weekends! :)

27th of February, Sunday -- Black Swan.
I woke up quite early for a Sunday morning. Had a coffee and a chat with Tito and Tita. Then we decided to have a lunch out and so we got ready and headed to Tito's favorite resto called "La Porchetta". Pizzas are their specialties and as well as pastas. The three of us ordered different kinds of pastas and they were all very nice. I was so full again, and I know that I am eating so much. Well, I don't care. I am not on a diet anyway. LOL. So after having lunch, we dropped Tito at their place 'coz he didn't want to go to the movies with us. After that, we went to The Reading Cinema down at Chirnside Park but the movie Black Swan was not showing there so we decided to go to another cinema. We ended up going to Eastland Shopping Mall at Ringwood and went to the movie counter to check the schedule. We still have and hour and a ahalf to kill 'coz its showing time was 6:30pm and we got there at 4:00pm, so we roamed around the shopping mall. Went in Kmart and I ended up buying some chocolates again. Yes, because i love chocolates and no one is stopping me! LOL. Fast forward. Inside the movie house, there were only a few people there which is good, I think. When the movie started, I was focusing on it really. I loved the movie. There were some parts of it that I don't like but in totality, I loved it! And if given a chance, I will definitely watch it again. :) Tita Fely loved it too! The movie has to come to an end so we headed back home, to their place. When we got there, Tito was still awake watching the 'teli' and Tita asked him if he had some dinner. He said he didn't so Tita decided to cook us some yummy dinner. Haha. Eating time again! :) She cooked us some yummy bacon and egg for sandwich with some tomatoes. Ooohh yum! My tummy is really having a good time, ey? After dinner, Tita and I had a long chat about life again. I always love these kind of moments with her, 'coz it is indeed so fruitful and we can really relate to each other which is a very wonderful thing, considering our age gap [me - 24 and her - ermm, I don't wanna mention it here (;] We ended up having that chat around 12:30am! That's how good it was. :)

28th of February, Monday -- Last day of the month.
Time flies so fast and I am grateful for that. Weeeh. When I woke up, Tito and Tita were up already and Tita was a bit busy in the kitchen. This day, they are gonna have some friends to come over and also, Ate Kathy, Tito's daughter. I helped with everything to do in the kitchen and helped with the cleaning to be done too. Tita was cooking Shepard's Pie with sweet potatoes and having the smell all over the house is making me really hungry at that moment. The guests arrived around 1:00pm and everything was pretty much ready except for the table to be set. So I helped with that one too. Now, I am going o be really honest here 'coz again, I forgot the visitor's names, but the guy was an Aussie and his wife was a Filipina. They looked like a good couple and when everone was ready to have lunch, we went to the dining room. A few munites later, Ate Kathy arrived and helped herslef down the dining room as well. We had a lovely lunch and again that was filling! I know, I am eating goid food. Hmmm. :) Life is this good. After having lunch, I helped in the kitchen to do the dishes and pans and when everything was done, I prepared and packed my thngs 'coz I am heading home. Tita dropped me off at Chirnside Park where I will catch the bus heading to Know City. Of course, I said bye to everyone and will surely spend another weekend there soon. I love my Tito and Tita. Thank God for them. :)

1st of March, Tuesday -- Cooking and Fire Drill.
I had to work today because I had to replace someone who is in but on lights duties. The person I am replacing is Lee and her program in the morning is cooking with another staff, Bianca. But Helen has to replace Bianca 'coz she's not feeling well today. The morning started with a fire drill and poor me, I didn't even know that it was the fire alarm going making that loud sirene. It was a practice drill and everyone evacuated the centre. It went well, and it was good because I now know what to do when a real fire is already there. But anyway, all was good 'coz the cooking program went alright in the mornig as well. The clients loved the dish we cooked and yes, it was yummy. The recipe was an American one, chicken to be specific but again, I forgot the name of the dish. :( Poor me. Oh well, at least they loved it! :) In the afternoon, we hade the program called Body and Soul and it is actually a realxing program for the clients where they have a chat, enhance their memories and have a bit of stretching for the muscles happening. It was actually intersesting and the clients were attentive and was good on the things happening in that program. So, all went well for today.
=====

I know, this is long. My mind is actually tired now, as well as my fingers so I am gonna relax after posting this one. To all that had read every single thing I shared here, thank you! :) Now I know, having to blog almost every detail happening in my life is a good way to share and express how marvelous Our Creator is. Every moment is a blessing, and every single blessing is a reason to be thankful for.

Excitement

2011-02-18T04:20:00.000-08:00

Ok, this blog is gonna be short. Promise, i'll keep this one short. :)
I am just so happy today 'coz of many thins. I actually wanted to blog and say a lot of things but I have so much to do tonight, so maybe some other time for all the stories and details.
Hmm.. I just wanna share that I am really excited of my band's plans -- that we shall rock again soon when I could have a holiday in the Philippines! Woohoo! That is ganna be exciting! Really! I can't wait to be home. :)

So that's all for now.
Will blog again really soon. ;)

To God be the Glory!

^___^

Usapang Mag-Utol

2011-02-10T04:26:00.000-08:00

This blog would be about a conversation between me and me older brother, Utol Kuya Charles. I am gonna share this certain text conversation we had last 5th of February, 2011 because I wanna document it, though the text messages are still not deleted in my roaming phone. So anyway, here it goes:

(I will just start on the highlights of the covno and this is in our dialect, Bisayan, I should say)

Me: Pasalamat gihapon ta sa Ginoo tol kay naa pa tay kinabuhi. Tanan pagsulay, kaya jud. Wala man Syay ihatag na dili nato kaya diba? Mao blessed gihapon kaayo ta.

Utol: Mao man. Hehe. Kita pa na anad nag pagsulay? Hahaha. Karon pa ta mag give up? Atai! Hahaha

Me: Mao jud nay pinakatumpak sa tanan tol. Apir beh! Hahaha atai! Hindi tayo kailan man susuko dahil mga anak tayo ng Panginoon! Weee. Waaa. The victory is ours!

Utol: Mag prob ang prob sa atoa bah! Hahaha. Kapuyon ra na sya madugay, mulayas man na! Tan-awa ragud. Timan-i.

Me: Hahaha. Tumpak number two! Haha tumutumpak talaga tayo! Amen to that tol! Hahaha.

Utol: Basta dili lang jud ta mubuhi sa Ginoo kay Siya ang pinaka kuyaw diri sa kalibutan, wala nay lain pa.

Me: Hahaha. Tumpak number three! Haha. Kuyaw jud and Ginoo uy! Perting kuyawa jud! Tested and proven nato na! Haha

Utol: Hahaha. Tumpak na tumpak! Praise God! Hahaha kabantay ka tol? Gihinay-hinay Niya ug han-ay atong kinabuhi karon. One at a time lang daw ana ang Ginoo. Hahahaha.

Me: Kabantay mulang! Perting bantaya jud! Hehe. Ana man ng mga moves ni Lord basta musalig lang jud ta sa Iya. Pinaka gahut si Lord! Naunsa?! Hahaha.

Utol: Gahut mulang! Hahaha. Wala nay mu-gahut pa Niya tol.

-----

Yes, that's a text conversation I had with him that day and I am really happy to have that certain time we spent with each other texting, realizing how marvelous Our Creator is. Remembering every detail that happened in our lives in the past, being able to appreciate what's happening now at present time, and being sure that whatever may happen in the future.. We are gonna make it! Ooohh, tears are falling down my face now while typing these words. I am just very glad that God is working in our daily lives. We are proud to be His children and be a part of His family. And yes, I miss Kuya. :( I miss my utol. He's like my ka-barkada, he's also my bandmate (so in music, we also are together), he's also my ka-tagay (the one na mag-pas-an sa akoa or mukarga pauli sa balay 'coz I cannot walk anymore sa sobra ka-hubog), and he is my one and only older brother na hinding hindi ko ipagpapalit! I love him so much. God knows how much I love him. And now, seeing/knowing that he is happy with his family, his wife and son, I am really thankful to the Most High because of that. I am blessed to have him as my kuya, My Utol Kuya Charles. Malayo man kami, malapit parin sa puso.

-----

Life is indeed wonderful. Everything that God made possible is wonderful. And I am forever thankful that in my life, I have someone I call "Utol".

‎(7) Pitong Maling Dahilan ng Pagpapakasal

2011-02-06T05:17:00.000-08:00

‎1) SENIOR PANIC: lahat ng kaibigan, kaklase nagpakasal na ikaw na lang hindi..napilitang naghanap, kaya kahit sino na lang.

‎2) OLD MAID SYNDROME: lagi ka na lang kasama sa kasalan bilang "bridesmaid"..tumatanda ka na...kaya napilitang mag asawa na lang sa huling byahe. (or groom's men/maid of honor)

‎3) THE GREAT ESCAPE: Malungot bahay nyo laging may away, naghanap ka ngayon ng makakasama para maiba naman ang takbo ng buhay. Yung nakita mo ganun din pala ang sitwasyon, problemado rin sa bahay. kaya ang nangyari mas malaking problema-- ang dalawang problemado gumawa ng bagong pamilya na ganun din ang magiging problema.

‎4) ON THE REBOUND: Ahh, nag break kayo ng BF mo at biglang nag asawa, yung bestfriend mo pala ang secret relationship. Inisip mo kailangang gumanti, kaya yung Ex BF ng bestfriend mo hinila mo agad para pakasalan. Eka nga..gantihan lang yan.

‎5) PRESSURE PLAY: Naku si nanay gusto ang mapangasawa si Kapitbahay na mayaman eh ang pangit..pinakasalan mo na lang..Naging malungkot buhay mo kasi pera ang dahilan ng inyong pagsasama. (o kahit sinong pinapares ng magulang nyo sa inyo)

6) MEET MY NEEDS: Mahilig ka sa Gadgets at syempre nangarap ka ng magarbong buhay, ang problema ayaw mo namang magsumikap. Naisip mo maghanap na lang ng mayaman o foreigner para mabigay ang luho mo. Nakakalungkot kasi along the way marami ang mag aalok sa yo ng magandang buhay sa materyalismong pamumuhay, malaki ang possibility sasama ka rin sa kanya. Masama yan dahil ang pera nakaka uhaw, hindi maiibsan ang ano mang pangangailangan ng pera, merong higit na mainam sa pera..alam mo na kung sino..hmmm..Si Jesus..siya ang tubig na nagbibigay buhay.

7) CRISIS PREGNANCY: Naku nabuntis ka, nagalit ang magulang mo kaya kailangang pakasalan ka nang lalaki. Mali, di dapat nag dedesisyon nang ganun kabilis. baka ang isang pagkakamali madagdagan ng isa pang pagkakamali. Ang mahalaga pag aralan, pag isipan at humingi ng magandang payo sa mga higit na nakakaunawa sa ganitong bagay. Wag agad magpapakasal, ngunit wag din titira o mamamahay sa bahay ng lalaki kung hindi kasal dahil ito ay malaking kasalanan. Wag magsasama ang sino mang hindi ikinakasal. Kung may ganitong sitwasyon, ipaalam sa magulang , sa pastor at sa malalapit na kaibigan. Wag ipalalaglag ang bata, wala silang kinalaman sa problema. Ihanda ang sarili sa ano mang consequences ng pagkakamali at maging matibay sa ganitong panahon.

--Ang bawat puntos ay hango sa aklat ni Josh Mc Dowell..ang paliwanag ay kay Pastor Dodie..Pagpalain kayo ng Panginoon.

~ Naisipan ko lang i-share ito. Nabasa ko ang mga ito sa status message ni Kuya/Pastor Dodie sa Social network na Facebook. Ate oo, nakuha nito ang atensyon ko sa pamagat palang. Si Kuya Dodie nga pala ay service driver namin noon, nung nasa Malolos, Bulacan pa kami. Mahal na mahal at alagang alaga kami nyan noon at pinalad na natagpuan nya ako sa Facebook dahil sa loob ng mahigit 15 years, hindi na kami nagkita o nagkausap man lang, at eto, nahagilap nya ako sa Facebook at nalaman kong Pastor na pala sya ngayon. Kay buti ng Panginoon! :)

Tungkol sa Pitong Rason na 'yan, maaaring marami pa nga tayong maibibigay na rason/dahilan ng maling pagpapakasal. Sa panahon ngayon, marami ngang nagpapakasal at maghihiwalay lang din, dahil mula nga sa simula nito ay mali na. Para sa akin, ang pagpapakasal ay sagrado at isang sobrang laking bagay na kailangan talagang pag-isipan ng lilyong beses bago pasukin. Kaya para sa akin, hindi dapat minamadali ito at kailangan talagang masimulan sa taman paraan.

Magic 8 Ball

2011-02-02T02:08:00.000-08:00

Well, here I go again. I am so gonna blog about this one 'coz I find it freakin' cool! Lol.

It's this thing I bought from Chadstone Shopping Mall with JC (my brother) when we had our date! haha

So, I found this thing in this certain toy store down there and it suddenly got my attention 'coz I've seen this toy/thing in a movie called "And I Love You So" (a Bea A. and Sam M. movie) and it's really cool just watching it from the movie. So I was like, "Oh my gosh! I am so gonna buy this!" LOL.

And so, to make the story short, I ended up buying it and while we were in the bus stop waiting for the bus to get home, we were asking this thing already about some questions answerable by a YES and a NO. It has 8 possible answers and that's probably why it's called Magic 8 Ball. So, anyway, we were asking it some questions and my first question was, "Will we be able to have a vacation in the Philippines next year?" And this thing's answer was, "YES." So, I freaked out! hahaha. And right there and then I decided that I am gonna keep it! hahaha. I am loving it now actually. And I showed it to Momi and everyone at home and they were starting to ask questions, too. They enjoyed it! :D Hmmm, this thing is really interesting.

So, the other night, when I was lying on my bed having a hard time to sleep, I was thinking of this person and this blog is actually about this story. This Magic 8 Ball is just there on the bed beside me, not noticing it 'coz I was too busy thinking about this certain person. And so, the ball suddenly caught my attention and I ended up asking it, of course. I'm like, "Let's see if this really works..."

My first question that night was, "Is he still thinking about me?" and it's answer is shown in the photo below. So, I freaked out again! And my heart was beating really fast. I'm like, "Are you for real?!" LOL. I really took a photo of it's answer 'coz I couldn't get over it!

And so, I asked the ball another question again. The next question was, "Does he wants to talk to me?" And the answer, again is shown in the photo below. LOL. I was really having goose bumps when I saw the reply! Hahahaha. I took another photo of the answer 'coz again, I can't get over it! Hahaha.

I had the thought that maybe this thing's answers are for real 'coz the next day, the guy I was talking about sent me a text message and we texted the whole day. :) And so, I was happy then.

In conclusion, this thing for me is really good fun! hahaha. It made me feel and believe that everything it says or answers is real. hahaha. And oh wait, another question I asked when we were still in the bus stop at Chadstone was, "Am I gonna have a boyfriend this year?" And the answer really made me laugh out loud! The answer was, "Reply hazy. Try again later." LOL. It is freakin' funny! Even the Magic 8 Ball is confused about me or is having a hard time to tell me if I am gonna have a boyfriend this year or not. Hahaha. This thing is hilarious I must say! :D

But all kidding aside, as I said, this is just for fun. Of course I don't believe in what it says but it does make you smile and laugh and that's a good thing for me 'coz that's what I need. :D

All our questions are, of course, answered ONLY by the One Above and His answers are always the best and what is right. So cheers mates!

Neick

2011-01-30T15:47:00.000-08:00

-- Found this blog post in my FS account from year 2009. Hmm, decided to post it here 'coz I suddenly had the feeling of wanting to be in this certain place again. I miss this place. A place where I can be still and be at peace. Well, if ever the time comes that I could come back home, in the Philippines (Davao City specifically), I will definitely go to this place again. :)

-----

July 13, 2009

The sun is not shining outside and it made me think it’s gonna rain this day. though I have that thought inside my head, still it hasn’t gave me enough reason not to continue my plan for this day. I wanna be alone… again. Alone to think. Alone to write. Alone to cry and if I can, to shout real loud to say what I feel.

And so, I am now here in this certain place where I go whenever I wanna be alone. Actually before, I am not the only one going in this place. I have ‘him’ with me, but since ‘he’ left, now is my third time going here alone. I am here now not because I want to reminisce those times when ‘we’ usually go here and have ‘our’ serious talk about things. I know that I am here because this place is solemn and I can say that I can be with myself more. I can hear the chirping birds, I can feel the blowing wind, I can see these fine green trees and grass around, and most of all, I can feel the beating of my heart and could say that I’m alive and at peace even just for a short span of time.

But i couldn’t deny it. One of the reason why I’m here is because I’m bothered still. I wouldn’t be here if I’m not, right? My mind is battling with my heart and as usual, they don’t meet. I hate it! Yet, I am happy knowing that I am frighting. Particularly, my mind is fighting what this stupid heart feels.

After EVERYTHING that happened to ‘us’, from the time I was left behind to the first encounter after that and that serious talk, I MUST ALWAYS remember this principle,

“MIND OVER HEART.”

This is what I must do.

Nuwebe

2011-01-21T05:21:00.000-08:00

Anong buwan na nga ba? Enero na nga pala.. Bagong taon (2011). Unang blog ko dito sa blog site ko. Ang tagal ko ng gustong mag-blog dito. Di ko lang alam kung ano dapat isulat o sabihin sa sobrang dami. Ang hirap.. Mahirap ipunin lahat at ilagay sa isang blog lang lahat-lahat ng naramdaman at nararamdaman ko. Ang dami ng nangyari mula nung huli akong nag-blog dito.. Sobrang daming emosyon, maraming masasayang sandali, at sobrang dami ding pagluha. Oo nga naman, parte yun ng lahat ng kylangan kong pagdaanan. Nahirapan ako.. Sobrang hirap. Pero sobrang ganda din dahil sobrang buti ng May Likha Sa Akin. Sobrang mahal Nya ko kaya eto parin ako't nagbo-blog ngayon. (sobrang tagalog ko lang ngayon haha)

Pero, walang halong biro, nakaya ko lahat! At makakaya ko pa.

At bakit nga ba naging 'Nuwebe'? Aba, eh.. Subukan nating magbilang pabalik. Bilangin natin ang buwan pabalik.. Ano nga bang mga nangyare nun? Teka lang.. Ayos na ba 'kong magkwento tungkol dito? Preno muna.. Iisipin ko. Pakikiramdaman ko sarili ko...

(hingang malalim)

Eto na.. Ok naman. Mejo ready akong magkwento ng konte..

Abril nung nakaraang taon. Buwan ng sobrang paghihirap ng damdamin. Bakit? Aba, eh.. Na biyak lang naman ang puso ko.. Ulit. Pambihira nga naman. Paulit-ulit na nga talaga. Naiisip ko parin yung mga nangyare. Grabe lang. Na-i-imagine ko sa isip ko ngayon kung gano kahirap yun! Pero bumubuti na ko ngayon. Kasi naaalala ko man yun, pero 'di na kasing sakit gaya ng dati. Oo, aamiin ko.. Masakit parin. Pero 'di na ganun katindi gaya ng dati. Kapagka ang puso nga naman ang nabiyak at nadurog.. Naku! Malaking problema! Pero problema nga ba? Malamang oo, dahil dala-dala ko parin ngayon ang memorya ng lahat ng nangyare. Siguro kung ikwe-kwento ko lahat eh hahaba talaga 'to.. Na as in, mahaba. Pero, hindi nga, masaya ako dahil nakaya ko yun. Masayang malaman na kaya mo palang mawala sa 'yo yung akala mo dati hindi mo kayang mawala sa'yo, at oo, proud ako sa sarili ko! At alam ko yung Nasa Taas, proud na proud din sa 'kin syempre. Alam ko kasi Sya yung kasangga ko nun eh. Sa sobrang pagmamahal Nya sa 'kin.. Eh kinaylangan Nya 'kong batukan na sobrang lakas para mata-uhan daw ako! Naku! Kung mambatok nga naman Sya oh.. Delikado. Pero naman.. Eto ako ngayon. Nakatayo na ulit at mas matindi pa ang kapit sa Kanya. Oh db? Bonggang-bongga lang?

Ang Panginoon, alam kung kelan dapat ibigay sa'yo ang mga bagay na sobrang hirap na pakiramdam mo 'di mo kakayanin sa sobrang hirap at sakit, pero alam na alam Nyang ito yung magiging hakbang para maging matatag ka't kumapit pa ng husto sa Kanya. At eto na.. Nakangiti ako ngayon. :) Salamat sa Kanya.

So, ano na nga? Tatlong buwan nalang isang taon na. Anong pakiramdam kaya ang babalik sa akin? O ano kayang mararamdaman ko pagdating nun? Alamin nalang natin. Nasa dalawang bagay lang yan eh -- kung masayang-masaya ako o iiyak lang buong araw/gabi. Pero malamang din, yung dalawa diba? Hmmm. Na-curious tuloy ako. Pero kahit ano pamang emosyon o pakiramdam meron ako pagdating nun.. Isa lang ang alam ko at sigurado ako -- kasama ko parin Sya at nakahawak parin ako sa Kanya. Yun ang pinakamagandang bagay na ilu-look forward ko.

So pa'no? Mag-e-mote muna 'ko ng konte. Konte lang naman eh.. And sa Kanya parin ako mag-e-emote syempre.

Babalikan ko nalang mga nasabi't sinulat ko dito pagdating ng araw na yun na nag-isang taon na.

LOVE by St. Augustine

2010-12-13T05:57:00.000-08:00

As I was browsing the internet, I ended up typing the word 'love' in Google search. Huh?! Hang on... I am literally finding the meaning of love in Google?! Anyway, it seems that it was like that, but yeah... Maybe I just don't know anymore what to do while in the internet. Well, by doing that, I ended up reading this one definition by a Saint. Sometimes, it is also a good thing to search in Google on things that you are not sure about 'coz you might just end up finding something interesting that could answer your questions... Such as this one :) pretty awesome, I reckon. :)

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

Unknown

2010-12-05T03:30:00.000-08:00

I don't know..
The title of this blog says it all..

UNKNOWN.

I don't know what exactly am I feeling right now.

Or maybe, I am just denying it.

It is so hard when you have to fight for what you feel. The more you don't wanna think about it, the more it lingers in your mind. The more you escape, the more it leads you there. Why is that so? Now, this is not making me happy at all! But it doesn't make me sad either. It just makes me feel stupid really! And it makes me feel like the "old me" -- not sure. Not sure of what she feels, not sure of what she thinks. NOT SURE.

There must be a reason why I feel this way. I am asking God about this and yeah, I don't have the answers yet. And sometimes, being unsure is good for me. Why? Because it means that I have to hold on to Him more, which makes us closer together. I don't wanna make this long or I will end up saying stupid things again. But yeah, my heart just wants to scream! Or even if it does, will he hear it? Oh, never mind. If I will make this longer then more stupid things will be revealed in here so I must stop now.

Sighs.

What Now?

2010-11-28T04:39:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since the last time I've blogged here. Well, I do feel that way maybe because lately I have this feeling of wanting to blog here but I don't have the time, or maybe I just don't know what exactly I should put in here. Yeah, yeah.. I've been busy lately. With the recent IELTS exams -- I don't even wanna talk about it anymore. I left all my worries about that to Him already. And yeah, about the NBV (Nursing Board of Victoria) merging with the AHPRA ( Australian Health Praticioner Regulation Agency) -- I've been so down when I found out about this because I have to re-apply again because my current application expired already, not being able to comply with the requirements that i need to submit before the deadline. Also, they have new application forms, new policy, new requirements, NEW EVERYTHING! In short, i'm back to zero. Oh well, I guess that's just the way it is for now. Yes, it'll be hard and it'll be a pain having to start with everything all over again. But maybe, just maybe, God has a reason for it.

I sort of ended up asking Him a lot of questions then. Does He really want me to be a nurse here? What is His purpose on putting me in this dilemma? What should I do now? Should i continue with the application? Oh God, I still have a lot of questions! And this makes me feel not good enough on what I am doing. And so until now, I'm continually talking to Him. Confusing and I am really emotionally affected by this now, yet, my trust is always with Him. I know in time He will let me know what He wants me to do now. I am really lucky to have my job now becuase without it, I'll go crazy again!

Life would go on for me, of course. I am continually thanking Him for everything -- despite all the stress, all the worries, all the hurts. I know all of these are part of His shaping process on me and so I won't complain. I am also blessed with everyone around me, supporting and giving me the courage to go on -- God's love is made visible because of them and through them He is making my heart smile.

God is unpredictable... mysterious! That is the word! We should always try to seek Him and know Him more to know the things He wants us to do. Although I don't have the answers on what I should do now about my nursing career, I would still put my faith in Him... In Him alone.

In Someone's Subconscious Mind

2010-11-08T17:32:00.000-08:00

Well, since today is my 'self-proclaimed' day-off, I will spend some time blogging here, which I'm finding hard to do now-a-days. Sheeesh. Busy much?

Anyways, I'm just overwhelmed about a certain thing from yesterday. A certain person suddenly made himself visible after some time. Well, I don't know his reasons but, avoiding me maybe? I really don't know. So yeah, I already have the thought that this person has forgotten me already.. But wait, maybe that's an exaggeration.. Let me rephrase.. I already have the thought that this person is not thinking about me anymore. Hmmm.. Which makes it clearer to me now because he said that I was in his dream last night, which means, I am in his subconscious mind. Well, literally, he might not think about me really.. But still i am there in that portion in his brain or mind in which he is not concsious about and is a good thing, or is it? Oh well, somehow, it means a lot to me.. Not really a lot but yeah, I felt good after knowing that. Maybe because this person is still and would always be a part of my life even if there were many not-so-good-things that happened between us. Life is a roller coaster ride really! It excites you.. Makes you feel sick and wanted to vomit.. Makes you high, makes you low. But what matters most is you enjoy the ride. Is that even connected to what I'm blogging here? Geez. I'm now having random thoughts. Typical me, I guess.

That's all for now. :)
Will continue doing some paper works after this, so help me God!

The Secret to Happiness

2010-11-03T01:09:00.000-07:00

Simple lang ang gusto kong mabahagi dito sa araw na 'to..

Kung ano para sa 'kin ang sikreto sa pagiging masaya :)

Obviously, hindi pa katagalan bago ko fully napanghawakan 'to, but I'm proud enough to share it to all. And dahil din alam kong, grabe ang pag work sa akin ni Lord ngayong taon na 'to.

===

The secret to happiness?

Para sa 'kin, ito yung nagkaka-interes ka sa bawat detalye na nangyayare sa araw-araw ng buhay mo. Yung tipong, nasaktan ka man, tumawa o umiyak, alam mong lahat yun may rason at magiging insturmento para matuto at maging matatag ka. Hindi mo man malalaman kaagad kung ano ang mga rason, pero alam mo sa puso mo na malalaman mo din sa tamang panahon na itatakda ng Diyos.

===

Oh diba? Sobrang tagalog lang? :) I don't know if I could express it like that when I'll write it in English kasi feeling ko mas napapalabas ko ang nasa loob ko kapag Tagalog eh.

Lord, Ikaw ang tunay na kaligayahan. Kung sa English, You are the true happiness one could ever have. Ikaw mismo, Lord.. Wala ng iba. :)

Anim-napu: Tag-lish Mode

2010-10-31T04:22:00.000-07:00

Ito ang ika-anim-napu kong 'blog' dito sa 'site' na 'to para sa taong ito, at napagdisisyunan kong magtagalog sa hindi malamang rason (ang hirap pala talaga kung dapat Tagalog lahat!). Well, maguupdate lang ako ng konti.. Ewan kung konti lang ba talaga but I think ile-let ko nalang mag-flow ang mga sasabihin ko ayon sa sasabihin ng puso't isip ko.

Hmmm.. Mahabang weekend ako from work and masarap sa pakiramdam malaman na may mahabang pahinga ako :) o pahinga nga ba? Marami pa din kasing dapat asikasuhin eh. But anyways, ganun talaga. Masaya padin ako dahil long weekend :) Thank You naman sa Kanya :) Unang Undas ko nga din pala dito sa Aussie and well, nakakapanibagong hindi makadalaw sa puntod ng mga mahal namin sa buhay na sumakabilang buhay na kasama Sya :) na-miss ko yung pagluto ng 'biko' at pansit sa bahay.. Hmmm.. Na-miss ko yung pagtayo ng tent sa simenteryo :) na-miss ko mga pinsan kong makukulit! Na-miss ko ang dami at gulo ng mga tao, pati ang lupit ng traffic! Waaaa! In short, na-miss ko ang sa amin, bahay namin, ang Davao, at higit sa lahat ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Ito na yata yung moment na magdadrama na ko ang malamang dito ko mapapalabas ang kadramahan kong ito about sa pagka-miss sa amin. Haiz. Lord, magihintay ako sa perfect time Mo kung kelan nga ba kami makakauwi ulit para makasama mga loved ones namin..

Lately, ayos naman ako.. Masasabi kong I'm doing good and I'm better.. Not bitter, but BETTER than before.. About the adjustments, the proocessing of my registration here, sa trabaho, sa IELTS exam.. At higit sa lahat.. Ang kundisyon ng puso ko. Kung titingnan at tatanungin ko ang puso ko ngayon, sasabihin nyang masaya sya at mejo ok na.. Syempre dahil yun kay Lord :) si Lord lang talaga ang dahilan at nagbigay ng dahilan para muling mabuhay ang puso ko.. And Sya lang ang rason kung bakit tumitibok at buhay pa ito. :) grabe, ang galing ni Lord talaga! Kung close kami noon, mas close na kami ngayon.. As in super close!

Haaaay. Kahit nahihirapan talaga ako most of the time, alam ko naman na kasama ko Sya at 'di Nya ako iiwan kahit ano pa ang mangyare.. Madalas iiyak nalang ako (what's new nga naman?) pero 'di na katulad ng dati na matatagalan ang pagiyak ko.. :) meaning madali na akong maging ok dahil sa Kanya. Hay! Ang swerte ko! Mahal na mahal Nya ko, and mahal na mahal ko din naman Sya..

Well, siguro din panahon na para ma-share ko dito na may espesyal na tao sa buhay ko ngayon. Pinagdadasal ko Sya lagi and alam kong ganun din naman sya sa 'kin. Kaso, hindi ako umaasa kasi sa Kanya nalang talaga ako magtitiwala ngayon.. At masasabi ko ding takot na takot padin talaga ako. :( mahlaga itong taong ito sa akin, masaya kaming nakilala namin ang isa't isa.. Pero mahirap padin talaga, kaya ang Panginoon padin talaga ang dapat kapitan at pagkatiwalaan sa lahat dahil Sya naman talaga dapat ang nasusunod and ang lahat ng kagustuhan Nya ay tama.

Hanggang dito nlng muna siguro :) masyado atang napahaba ito eh..

Happy Halloween sa lahat!

The King and His Princess

2010-10-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

Through all the pain and the sorrow, Lord, You've always been there. Often times I tend to forget and not notice this until You will come to me and embrace me with Your warm love by making me see the true essence of what is happening. Now, I cry for the thought of having You always whenever I feel down and so left out. You were there to tap my back, to let me cry on Your shoulder, to hold Your hand and just be me, Your daughter.. Your princess.

The last two weeks have been CRAZY! These two weeks made me cry a lot for different reasons. But still, I knew that God is in everything that is happening and for that I know that I should be greatful. A certain verse strike me that says "don't give the devil a chance." Ephesians 4.27, and for me this means that we shouldn't give the devil a chance to separate us from our God. The devil knows our weaknesses, he exactly knows what acts should he do with us.. So for this, we should not allow him to come in between us and God. Yes, it will never be easy but this life with Our God is a continuous battle! So, it it up to us on how we would face each day. We just have to remember that we are not fighting alone, and even from the start the battle is not ours, it is God's. In short, WE ARE BORN TO WIN! -- 1 John 4.4. :)

I know you are working in me, Lord.
Thank You for always treating me as Your Princess.. You are My King.

What's Been Happening Lately?

2010-10-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

Oh well.. I don't actually have any idea on what to say here really. Guess I'll end up thinking as I type this blog..

What's happening to me lately? Well, I've been busy with..

Work and the IELTS exams.

Work -- it has been a great challenge! A great blessing, a great job to have! I am so thankful to My King of what's happening to me at work. Though I still find it hard sometimes, but I'm able to manage things pretty well compared before. True enough that there would really be people that would annoy you (seriously), but for me it's really a part of everyone's life. Also, a way to stretch your patience and understanding. Good thing, yeah? Aside from that.. Ouch! My back hurts. My hip hurts! My whole body hurts! :'( Manual handling with our clients really gives me pain (just think about my size, and how big they can be compared to me). But oh well, I believe that it's a matter of getting used to it and practicing good posture and body mechanics as I work. The pain is just another part of the 'nega' side of it, yet the feeling of being able to serve, assist and help others are the things that matters most to me. Being able to be there for them. I should say that this is one of the most extra ordinary experience of my life! As it says: Scope -- see the person, not the disability. :)

IELTS exam -- woah! I've been really pressured about this. Not just pressured but anxious as well. Having the fear of not passing this exam again. :( well, it was done already, yesterday (9th October 2010), and I've done what I can. Now I am praying to Him, I'm letting Him decide of what's going to happen, whether I'll pass the whole exam or the other way around. I have to remind myself not to worry about this because there are still things that I need to focus on. Well, guess I'll have this nervous feeling of waiting for the results then! But still, I am thanking Him for everything. :)

What else?

Oh yeah! I'm happy that now I have my Bible Study partner! Now, there would be this someone to reflect and share your thoughts with the word of God. Cool isn't it? Well, we're doing it through the Internet (hi-tech! Haha), because we're too far from each other. But still, we feel blessed that we are able to learn and understand God's messages to us. And I do believe that in this way our faith would burn more in our hearts. :)

And oh! I have my new Tumblr blog site.. A partner of this blog site, I should say. Because there, my followers and the people I follow are following Him too, Our King, so it's really nice! Meeting/making new friends there is really awesome. Blogging and posting photos about God. It inspires me too! :) and it's one of the things that makes me smile each day. God is just so amazing making us smile in the simpliest way He can. I just love Him so much! :)

Well, I guess that's all for now!

'Til then! :)

My Baby Chloe

2010-09-28T00:11:00.000-07:00

I'm indeed so grateful to the Most High for giving me such a wonderful gift!

Answered prayer! :)

I'll briefly tell you the story on how I got this 'baby' I have (using) right now...

One day, me and my momi went into this gadget store called JB Hi-Fi. It was my day-off from work and I was actually interested to go there because during that time, I was on search of something that I wanna buy. Something like a laptop/notebook maybe. Yet, I was led into this cool gadget and when I saw it, right there and then, I finally found what I've been looking for. It's kinda expensive really, and I asked myself then if I could buy that one day. I personally wanted to have something like that because I wanted to be connected, always, to my family and friends back in the Philippines, and having such thing would make it easier for me.

And so the day after that, I went to work. I was still thinking about 'that gadget' that I wanna have. And I prayed, 'Lord, if it is Your will for me to have that thing, please give me some extra shifts on work, so that I would be able to buy that soon. Thank you.' A few munites later, our team leader approached me, holding a piece of paper, asking, 'will you be able to work next week Monday-Friday, full day? And on the following week as well, Monday-Friday?' then I answered, 'Yes! That'll be great.' she gave me the piece of paper where the schedule was written. I was super happy about it and I thanked God right away, saying, 'LORD, ang bills naman ng sagot mo!' hahaha.

iPad on hand.
That was a month ago, and now, I am already having it, and literally using it while I'm typing this blog! Her name is Chloe, and I got her 17th of this month. I named her on the 18th, and her name's meaning is 'young woman for God'. Cool isn't it? :)

I therefore conclude that God is truly amazing! Sometimes it seems like He doesn't hear our prayers at all... But he does answer every single prayer but in different ways. And this time, my prayer was answered instantly. For that, I know that I am truly loved by HIM.

Cheers!

LSS mode: Bakit Ba Ganyan?

2010-09-25T02:21:00.000-07:00

Bakit ba ganyan,
Ang ibig ko'y lagi kang pagmasdan?
Umula't umaraw ay hindi pagsasawaan
Ang iyong katangian
Damdamin ko'y ibang-iba kapag kapiling ka, sinta.
Ewan ko, bakit ba ganyan;
Damdamin ay di maintindihan?
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita'y makilala.

Bakit ba ganyan,
Kung minsan ay nauutal sa kaba
Kapag ika'y kausap na?
Ngunit lumalakas ang loob kung ikaw ay nakatawa.
Ewan ko, bakit ba ganyan;
Damdamin ay di maintindihan?
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita'y makilala (oh)
Ewan ko, bakit ba ganyan;
Damdamin ay di maintindihan?
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita'y makilala.

~Hindi ko alamkung bakit napasok 'to sa isip ko this day, bigla ko nalang kinanta 'to habang naliligo ako :))
~Ang alam ko, yung linyang, "bakit ba ganyan? Ang big ko'y lagi Kang pagmasadan? Umula't umaraw ay hindi lagsasawaan, ang Iyong katangian. . ."--- para sa'yo yan Lord. :)

Let The Real Challenge Begin!

2010-08-01T05:05:00.000-07:00

Months ago, I can say that life has really been a challenge for me, and that means EVERYTHING that happened was a great challenge for me. Yes, I've been so down many times and those were possibly near the point of giving up. Yet, I was still sure that I'll be okay because I know who's in control of me. To think of the times that I was so melancholic, God made Himself visible through the people who were always there for me no matter what and for that, my heart's singing with pure joy!

I can still remember seeing myself being so sad, worried and crying, most of the time, about certain things and that includes not having something to do still, or not having a work/job for that matter, for the reason that I really wanted to be busy enough so that my mind would be occupied by something else and not just all those unwanted feelings and thoughts. Patience? I can say that I've been patient enough but I can't deny the fact that for how many times I asked God, "Lord, kelan pa ba?". And He would always answer me with, "Hintay ka lang. I know what I'm doing." And so, there I see myself patiently waiting for the things He'll soon reveal.

I tried to search and apply in some companies even to those unrelated to my profession (Nursing). And Nope! Wasn't lucky to get some job on those. But I didn't give up. Luckily, during the last week of June, I was blessed of having the chance to work as a volunteer at Scope (Knox), a disability care centre not far from our place. It was Tita Fida (one of my Mom's close friends) who helped and supported me so that I could get in there and work as a volunteer. The experiance there was really awesome! Having to meet new people and, at the same time, be there to support disbaled clients with their activities. I've learned a lot of new things, too. Though there were some times that I felt anxious because I have to adjust on so many things, especially with the persons that I would be working with and with the things that are really new to me. I'm not paid on doing this work, hence the word 'volunteer', but it's really worthwhile. :) Nasabi ko nga sa Kanya, "Gusto mo talaga 'ko maging nurse Lord noh?" God knows best indeed!

I've been volunteering for a month already when I had the chance to talk with the Scope's manager at Knox about any vacancies they might have and that I'm available if they would be needing someone. Again, luckily, they were willing to give me a job though I should first comply with the requirements needed to be done before I could get the job. One of the requirements was to have a First Aid Level 1 Training, and so I went through that. Another was the 3-day Scope Induction/Training at Kingston Centre, and I went through that as well. Applying for the 'Working with Children Check' was not a pain anymore because I've already done that before and I just have to apply for the employment card. Having everything done, I'm now qualified to get the job.

As I look back, I can't help but smile and say, "Lord, ang galing-galing Mo po talaga! Para s'an nga ba yung lahat ng pag-iyak ko?! Eh alam Nyo naman po kung anong dapat sa 'kin. I just need to be patient enough and trust." He really does know what He's doing and what's ahead has already been planned:

I wasn't able to get a job on the companies unrelated to the line of my profession;

I was able to work as a volunteer first, to be aware on what's happening and have a period of adjustments in the work place where He wants me to be;

after a month of volunteering, I'm now qualified to get the job having the chance of completing everything they are requiring me to do;

and this week, I'll be a 'Disability Support Worker' officially! And hey, this is my first time of being employed with a job related to my nursing profession. For this, I could gain some experience and confidence in myself on working as a nurse. :)

I'm now saying to myself, "Let the real challenge begin, Christine!" Because I know there would be greater responsibilities ahead of me and stressors would always be around that could worry me. I still have to review and prepare for the IELTS exam that I would be retaking soon and that too, would once again be a challenge for me. But same as before, I know who holds my heart, my mind and my life, and for that I know everything will be alright.

So I say, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19.21

Escape

2010-07-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

It only happened this year that I've realized I do have a passion in taking photos. I like to take photos but unlike before, it now interests me to capture nice, beautiful scenes and things. When I find something intersting, I'll take a shot of it with my Sony Digital Camera (DSC-S730). This camera was actually given by my Tito Patrick and Tita Des, when I was still in Davao, when they had their summer vacation there last year. It's not as good as the other digi cams emerging these days, but I do love my cam. We have a sort of bonding already. And yes, I wanna learn more on taking photos, hopefully, with a better camera one day. (:

What I've been up to lately is joining some groups in my Flickr account. I'm really inspired with the photos these amazing photographers have and my heart longs more to learn such techiques on how they could capture such amazing shots! Most of them even melts my heart. When I see the picures of nature from different places, they seem to take me to a different world. I can say that God indeed made this world a very lovely planet to stay. (:

Here are some of my favorites:

By looking to these photos, it's as if escaping from the real world. As if wanting to actually be in these certain places where I could witness how wonderful this world really is. And yes, this is somehow, one of my escapes now. (: Reminding me that even though the world is indeed a troubled place to live in, still there are a lot of things to be appreciated and be thankful for. So, PRAISE YOU, GOD. (:

Here's a link of some of my favorite photos in my Flickr's 2nd account. Try to visit it and discover beautiful pictures. You might then find yourself escaping with me, too. :(

http://www.flickr.com/photos/angelbeauchris_ii/favorites/

My Song for HIM

2010-07-20T00:46:00.000-07:00

I can still remember that day when our band, '5sensez', was listing the songs that we would like to pactice on and play. Songs that we wanna play. I think that was the same time that we were kinda preparing for a said gig. I think it was for the 'Araw ng Dabaw' Festival in Davao, City. Yes, we were given a chance to play for that said event sponsored by San Miguel Beer Corp., along Torres Street. Well as usual, zepra dito, zepra doon. Marami na din kaming songs na na-practice or na-kapa and this certain song was included to those. We were not able to play this song doon sa event kasi 5 songs lang ang pwede and mas pinili ng bandang yung mejo kampante ang lahat sa tutugtugin. But I can say, ito ang pinaka-favorite ko sa lahat ng na-kapa ng banda, kahit nung nasa 'Section8' band pa ako

The first time I've heard this song, napamahal na kagad sa 'kin ang it was easy for me to memorize it's lyrics. Then, when I was already so in to the song, na-realize ko, pwede ko pala kantahin 'to for HIM. (: So, simula nun, this song is already listed in my favorites. The song is called 'My Heart' from one of my favorite bands, Paramore. (: Ermm, kung papakinggan nyo yung song for the first time masasabi nyo sigurong "rock" sya or loud or even some kinda "noise"! But, when you'll look deeper into it's lyrics, grabe! Mabigat sya and very profound. Bahalag murag "rock", hindi nman namimili si Lord diba? As long as it comes from the heart. Singing, "...this heart beats for only You, my heart is Yours!"

Hope maka-relate kung sino man ang nagbabasa nito now, hehe. I really love this video of the song kasi live sya. (Hay, imagine-in nyo nalang, nung ako yung kumakanta nitong kantang 'to, perti ka SCREAM jud! But nakaya naman.) Haiz. I missed singing this song with my band. sighs.

Making the Trade

2010-07-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so again, it has been almost a month now that I haven't blogged. What does this suppose to mean? I'm really sooo uninspired?! But hey, I know I am. Maybe I'm just being lazy. Oh well, before I'll be super busy in the days to come, I wanna share this one short story which made a difference in me and I'm really hoping that, to anyone who could read it, it could make a great impact too. This is from the book I've read months ago, 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' by Joshua Harris. The book is mainly about entrusting God your love life or boy/girl relationship. I believe that it is really a must-read book, specially to the singles out there. I can say that God really did used Joshua Harris well to come up with an awesome book such as this. Truly inspirational!

The story goes like this:

One day, a boy who has a bag of marbles proposes a trade with a little girl who has a bag of candy. The girl gladly agrees. But as the boy gets out his marbles, he realizes that he can't bear to part with some of them. Rather dishonestly, he takes three of his best marbles and hides them under his pillow. The boy and girl make the trade, and the girl never knows he cheated her. But that night while the girl lies fast asleep, the boy has no peace. He's wide awake, pondering a question that nags at him: " I wonder if she kept her best candies, too?" -- Like that little boy, many of us walk through life plagued by the question "Has God given His best?" But the question that we must answer is "Am I giving God my best?" -- You and I will never experience God's best, in singleness or in marriage, until we give God our all.

With this simple story, I can remember this verse in the Bible that says, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." -Matt. 6:33. So before we even worry about our love life or anything related to it, we should then ask ourselves first if we are giving God our ALL.

♥ Papeng's Girl ♥

2010-06-19T04:29:00.000-07:00

Dad, Daddy, Tatay, Papa... Whatever we call them, it's their day. :)

It has been almost a month that I haven't been blogging. Hmmm. Uninspired? Well, maybe. And not until today that I felt that I should be blogging this, for I believe that this day's special.

Papeng -- that's what I call him and a lot of people knows him by that alias too. I find it cool. :) When was the last time I saw him and was with him? It was the day when we, me and my younger brother, were about to leave our hometown. Sigh. The scenes are still so fresh in my mind. The moment when I was hugging him tightly, crying at the same time, and having the feeling that I don't wanna let go because I know it will take years for us to see each other again. When was the first time I felt that way? Maybe about 19 years ago, and by that time, I really don't know if when will I see him again. God is just so good that there have been times that I was able to spend some time with him during my younger years, yet goodbyes are always present. I'm kind of wondering why is it that it often happens between us? I've never been with him for that long really, but I do feel him always. For all the years that I was not with him, it felt different in a way that I'm always looking for something missing in me. As a child I felt that way and now, I feel the same way. Being apart from him is maybe a part of my life that I have to take. Communication is always present but it's really different having the person right there and there whenever you wanted it. Whenever you wanted to pour out everything or you wanted his shoulders for you to cry on. I can't deny the fact, I am a 'Papa's Girl', aside from the fact that I'm actually the only girl among his children, but I really can tell that I am such because of the connection we always have even though most of the time we are apart. For some reasons, he always reminds me of Our Father above. Far yet so close. ♥ Indeed, that's what he is like. Patient, forgiving, full of wisdom, and his love is unconditional. :)

To you Papeng: Happy Father's Day. No words could ever describe how much I am thankful to Our Father above because I have you as my Father here in this troubled world. No one could ever take your place as my papa here on earth and I will always feel blessed because of you. You inspire me in so many ways and your words are always kept in my mind and heart. I will always miss you, Pang. My love for you is always. You are my hero. ♥

The Person I Have Become

2010-05-23T22:56:00.000-07:00

It was the other night when I've suddenly felt a great flash back of my life. For the years that I have been existing in this unpredictable yet wonderful and colorful world, I suddenly asked myself,

"What person have I become?".

I closed my eyes and tried to remember the happening from the past...

Moments later, I heared a cry. A cry of a little girl. I took time to search for it and I did followed where the cry came from. Then, there I saw a little girl crying in one corner covering her face with her two hands and by the way she cries, I could tell that it was so real for some reasons that even I can't understand. But, I can feel her. As I moved towards her, she turn her face away, as if hiding it more. Still, I approached her and tried to get her hands off her face. She was hesitant and said, "Go away! I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" But, I didn't gave up. I was holdong her wrists and felt her strangth. The strength of a little child who seems to be knowing everything and believes that she can handle herself. I didn't let go of her and slowly the strength I felt before was getting weak now, though her cries were still so real. Her hands were tightly holding on to mine now and as she looked up and searched for my face, there I saw the pain on that little girls eyes. The way that her eyes looked at me is as if she's begging for something. Some what telling me, "Please, please help me." I asked her, "Why dear? What's wrong?" She answered back, "It hurts. It really does." Then I thought is she was wounded or something and had a quick look through her arms and legs and asked, "Where? Tell me where does it hurts dear." She took my hand and placed it above her chest and said, "Here. It hurts here. I feel so much pain here." I sighed. By then I knew, it was the little girl's heart feeling the pain.

The real story began when I asked her, "Why does it hurts there?" She said, "I don't know. But this started when I saw them part ways." She was still crying, but in a soft manner now. She continued, " I'm wondering on why such thing has to happen. Why is it that it seems so sad that I can't even do anything about it even if how hard I would cry, still nothing would happen? I can't change the way it is now. Why does it has to happen that way?" I could somehow understand what she was trying to explain. She had witnessed two significant persons in her life part their ways and wishing that it didn't happened. I could feel that there are so many questions on this child's mind and I felt sorry for what she's into and on what she feels. Maybe she's now having some trouble on how to look at life in the future at a very young age. Then I started anwering back, "Hush now my dear. You'll be alright. You know, I may not have the answers to your questions but I'll tell you this: often times, we may not understand why things happen but there are certian reasons behind what's happening. You do know Papa God right?" She nodded. "Just pray to Papa God always because it is Him who can give you the answers to your questions." Then she curiously asked, "When will Papa God tell me the answer? How long would it take? What if He'll never give it to me and would never talk to me about it?" I smiled to her and said, "You have to be patient my dear. In time, He will answer you. And believe me, He will always try to talk to you and one day you'll see the answers right before your eyes." Her face was still sad, but even though she didn't answered back to what I said, I knew that she was trying to convince herself to believe and hope that the things I've said were true. I gave her a warm embrace and she said a simple 'thank you' to me. I felt relieved when I saw her paint a simple smile on her face. By then I knew that this little girl would go a long way. . .

As I gently opened my eyes, I realized that I just had a self-talk to the five-year-old me. That little girl crying was me. Tears started to flow once again but I was uncertain on what made me cry. Was it about the pain that child felt from from the past or the pain that I am feeling now in present time? As I tried to find out, I know now that I am crying because of the present happenings in my life and said to myself, "Wow. Time flies so fast and a lot of things already happened in my life." But sigh. I figured out that the little girl's questions haven't been answered yet until now. . . Gosh. It would really take a long time. Longer that what I've expected it to be.

Oh, God until when will I be waiting for Your answers? I thought that I could already give an assurance to myself that You already did gave me the answers, but why am I still in pain of knowing that it is really painful finding out the answers to my questions before? I thought that I had already seen the change that the real world would be better as I go on with life, but I still haven't stopped questioning 'why'. Maybe soon, I'm still hoping that soon I would still see the reasons on why things are happening this way now. Are all of these still part of the process of figuring out what the answers are? Because if it is, I will still continue to hold on to You, would endure everything and would not let go until the day that You would reveal to me the answers I am waiting for. . . and by then, I'll be hoding to that 'One Piece' of treasure I am dreaming to grasp for a long time now. . .

I am now looking on this chapter in the Bible and prayed to God:

Psalms 139

O LORD, you have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me.

They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,

and abhor those who rise up against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting. . .

- I could somehow answer the question I asked at the beginning of this writing. . .

That I have become a person who's still hoping.

A person that is having a deeper faith in God.

A person that still believes that one day I would be looking back and would say,

"Thank You for Your answer Lord."

I would never regret the day that I promised not to let go of You.

The Only Exception

2010-05-23T03:29:00.000-07:00

[when I heared this song for the first time, I found myself in tears. the fact that I can relate to it, and the fact that I'm no longer sure if I could still sing this to someone. . .]

When I was younger

I saw my daddy cry

And curse at the wind

He broke his own heart

And I watched

As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that

She would never let herself forget

And that was the day that I promised

I'd never sing of love

If it does not exist

But darling,

You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere

Deep in my soul

That love never lasts

And we've got to find other ways

To make it alone

Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this

Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception

You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality

But I can't

Let go of what's in front of me here

I know you're leaving

In the morning, when you wake up

Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Oh---

You, are, the only exception

You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing

Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

~ this is why I love Paramore, their songs always give a different touch to my heart.

Here's the link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7J_IWUhls

A Caterpillar's Special Day

2010-05-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

A week ago, I can say that it haven't crossed my mind that my birthday would be coming soon. For some reasons, maybe it has been hidden in my subconscious mind and doesn't wanna get out. Two days before my birthday Momi said, "Birthday mo na sa Monday On-g!" I answered back, "Birthday ko na pala?!" (kunyari hindi alam). And yes, I knew by then that I was already over the denial stage of knowing that the day after tomorrow's gonna be my birthday. Again, for some reasons, I felt that my heart beat was unstable. Having that feeling, I knew that something's not right inside me. Wondering how my birthday would turn out. Maybe I'm just having this feeling because of the fact that it's my first time to celebrate my birthday here in Aussie and I know that my birthday would not be the same as before. Also, having the thought that it's gonna be a busy day. I would be alone in the house, and in the Philippines (where all my friends are), everybody would be occupied by the elections and they could forget that it's my birthday. And so having the thought that my birthday's not gonna be that special, I prayed.

Weeks ago, I was asking God for a sign. A sign that could tell me that something good is going to happen. A sign of hope. A sign that could change the unwanted feelings and negative outlook I have.

And so, my day came and Momi's voice had awakened me, singing the 'happy birthday' song. :) Isn't she sweet? I felt glad that my first kiss and hug on my birthday was from my pretty Momi. But another thing really surprised me. When I saw that she was holding a single white flower. A beautiful, white rosebud. Then she said, "I picked it for you On-g, because I know you'll be happy for this." Maybe you'll go questioning what's extra ordinary about that? But here's the thing, it was the SIGN that I was asking from God. :) Why? Because when we got here, and even when Mom and Tito Sarath transfered in this house, they have these rose plants in the backyard that were really not able to bloom even a single flower. I am even complaining every time Mom and I had to do gardening on why these rose plants doesn't have any flower at all! I would say, "Gahi-a ba aning mga tanuma oi! Di man jud mamulak!" But this certain day, a single flower did bloomed for me. Then I was already in tears. Sabi ko, "Lord, thank You for this wonderful sign that you showed me this day. I now know what you wanna tell me." Grabe diba? White rose pa talaga! This lovely rose is a sign that even if I'll feel hopeless beacuse everything seems to be so rough, still, if I'll hold on, there would be something wonderful that's yet to come. :) And that was just one of His surprises this day.

Then afternoon came, nothing much to do. I'm alone again because everyone had gone. I was just in my room arranging things when all of a sudden the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone, except of course for my brother that would be arriving from school. When I came down to get it, there I saw Tito Alan and Tita Fely. I was really surprised by their presence. And yey! I got some presents! And what really touched my heart during that moment was the message from the card and of course my bouquet of pink roses. :) I felt so loved, so special. Wasn't having the thought of receiving a bouquet of flowers, and was like, "Wala naman kasing magbibigay sa 'yo ng bouquet ngayon Christine, so asa ka pa!" But haha! Pretty roses are now on hand! :) Thank You Lord for Tito Alan and Tita Fely. This lovely couple would always remind me of your love. And after some time, my brother came from school. After parking his bike in the garrage, he approached me and gave me a sweet kiss on my cheek and a long, warm hug as he say, "Happy Birthday Ate!" I was touched. Seriously! Kasi hindi cheezy yung kapatid kong yun! haha. :) Had some chat and a cup of coffee with Tito and Tita, and then they had to leave.

The time goes on. I was already having the thrill even when the day was just starting because I was already able to receive so many greetings, lalo na sa Facebook of course, where may notice naman na ipapakita sa home page, but even though it's like that, still people would take time to type some greetings for me, so, sweet gihapon! :) haha. Plus, text messages starting from 12:00midnight goes on. I am already loving this day na jud! :)

And oh! I took a photo of my birthday sunset. I had the idea of taking such because Choi (Kai) told me that it could've been really nice if I was able to take a photo of my birthday sunrise but I haven't. :( And so I said, "Sunset nalang. Hehe." And so I waited for sunset to arrive and tried my best to capture a photo of it na ang hirap kasi kahit lumabas pa ko ng bahay, I wasn't able to have a good picture of it. Then I eventually ended up capturing a picture from outside our room window! :)

Evening came and Tito Sarath arrived from work. When I went downstairs to see him, he greeted me. I will not deny that I was expecting for some present from him but there was none. But anyways, that's ok because I know he was too busy. Then he went off to get Momi from work. We had a candle light dinner for tonight with Tito's yummy soup and some hot bread. =9 Perfect for the cold weather. In addition to that, we had some rhum that could give extra heat for the night. After dinner, another surprise! Bumili pala ng cake si Tito for me! haha. Na-surprise talaga 'ko kasi 'di ko inaasahan eh. Haven't seen the cake when he arrived. But ei, hello yummy cake! :) Birthday celebration's now complete because I was able to blow my cake with a singing candle (haha) and was able to make a wish.

After the eating session, we gathered in the living room to watch another Adam Sandler movie (pede ma-inlove sa kanya? haha). Because recently the movies we're watching are Adam Sandler's movies. Woohoo! What a day, what a night! All I can say is THANK YOU LORD FOR EVERYTHING! Indeed, God never failed to make me feel His love on my birthday. I felt special and blessed. *tears of joy*

But yes, I can't hide the fact that a ceratin part of me now-a-days is not okay. Things that happened brought changes in me, and it's inevitable. But I remembered the text message my Papeng sent me the last Sunday I spent in Davao before we left. I was in so much pain during that time, and these times, I am really having a hard time like that one. I sent him a text that time while I was painfully crying, "Pang, sakit man kaayo uy." And his answer was this. . . (see the message in the cellphone photo)

Looking back to that certain time, I was able to remember the 'Parable of the Caterpillar'. The caterpillar was struggling everyday, in pain, for his existence not knowing that God had already planned everything that is going to happen and that one day he will be a beautiful butterfly, fluttering from flower to flower, drinking the nectar of daisies, and gloriously adore the colorful rainbow and the awsomeness of nature as he flies.

Recently, I said to Papeng, "Lisuda jud diay mahimong beautiful butterfly Pang uy. Sakit jud diay kaayo. (crying)" And he answered back, "Yes, anak it is. But that is all part of the process. Hold on because soon you will be that beautiful butterfly." I was relieved. Now, I may be the struggling caterpillar, but I will patiently live for the One who knows what's ahead and what's best.

-- Often times, we lose patience, we lose hope. Human as we are, we find ourselves at the very bottom, and would have the feeling of not being able to get up and face what's ahead. We get trapped, we get afraid. But God's promise remains. It's written in 1 Corinthians 10:13,

"Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps His promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, He will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out."

(Million thanks to Mr. Hans Jason for sharing this photo)

Love is in My Hair

2010-05-10T19:32:00.000-07:00

[My Barbie Doll's Birthday today! Happy Birthday to Miss Aia de Leon (as if mabasa ni niya noh? haha) I just couldn't set aside how you touch my heart with your songs (Imago songs) even until these times. You would forever be one of my idols.]

In fairness, I LOVE her hair here. Same kaming short hair. *winkz*

I've known you for quite awhile.

Never ashamed to tell you what's on my mind,

whether it's wrong or right.

When I feel like salting the ocean

You're fresh water for my eyes.

You give me this

you give me that

and this kiss is getting wild

and just maybe, just maybe.

When I get to my room

I'm still drowning from your stare

How could I now sleep

When love is in my hair?

Set aside some time to be with you tomorrow

Set aside some time to repeat what happened tonight.

Whenever I carry jars of regret

I stumble over and over again

The slip breaks me

and that kills your heart

When you feel like falling apart

I'd come running to catch you

Oh you give me so much hope

all the stars have agreed

Let my dreams somersault

Paint your rainbows here.

Panaginip Lang

2010-05-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

By: Paramita

[bigla ko lang silang naalala. . Na-miss kong pakinggan mga kanta nila. Sayang, 'di na zefra ng banda 'tong kantang toh noon]

Ngayon, sa 'king pag-iisa
Nahihibang sa kaiisip kung iiwasan ka
Hahayaan ko na bang tuluyan ng ibaon sa limot ang ala-ala mo

At ang lahat ng iyong mga sinabi sa akin
Maaari bang limutin ang nangyare sa atin

Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako
Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako, oh

Ako parin ay nagtatanong
Kung meron pang kaunting pag-asang
Magkabalikan
Pero ayoko ng maulit pa

Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako
Ngunit bago ka lumisan
Palayain ako

Ooh, sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw
Lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
Sumisigaw. . Aaahw

Ano ang iyong madarama
Kung malaman mong ito'y panaginip lang
Ano ang iyong ma-iisip
Kung bukas ay di ka na muling gigising pa, oh
Ano ang iyong madarama
Kung malaman mong ito'y panaginip lang, oh
Ano ang iyong ma-iisip
Kung di ka na muling gigising pa. . .

[graveh, kapuya type sa cp oi hehe memorize pa jud diay nako ang song, ü]

Cast Thy Burden

2010-05-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

By: Don Moen

[ Remembering this song, I see myself before as a young, little girl singing this song in their prayer meetings. Singing unto God with all her heart. . Knowing where all her worries and pains should go. ]

Cast thy burden upon the Lord
And He shall sustain thee
He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. .

As for me, I will call upon God
And the Lord will save me. .

Evening and morning and at noon will I pray and cry aloud. .
He shall hear my voice.

[ I am at peace. ]

Goodbye to My Long Hair

2010-04-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

I love my hair. =) I really do. Actually, first time kong nagpahaba ng hair na ganun kahaba. . .

I took care of it. I really did. Everyday, as it grows it gives warm joy inside me.

But then, suddenly, I felt that something went wrong.
Hindi na maganda pakiramdam ko sa hair ko. =(

Oh, no!

Even if how much I did care for it, how much I value it, how much I love it. . . ganun parin yung result. Still, not enough. Not lovely enough. Not pretty enough. Akala ko lang pala maganda na, pero habang tumatagal, hindi pala. And so, I've decided to cut it na.

It was hard. Really hard to decide. But then I thought, If I can't handle it now, how much more if it'll be longer? =( And as I've decided, I had this hope and desire deep in me. . .

That as I let it grow back like it was before, as time goes by, I would learn better things on how to really handle it to maintain it's natural beauty. =) Learn ways, brilliant ways to make it prettier than before. (Help me, God.)

And as it grows, I would not worry anymore because I know, Someone would always have His magic tough on my head/hair everyday. =)

True Happiness

2010-04-29T07:13:00.001-07:00

Matthew 5.3-12

"Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor;
the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!

Happy are those who mourn;
God will comfort them!

Happy are those who are humble;
they will receive what God has promised!

Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires;
God will satisfy them fully!

Happy are those who are merciful to others;
God will be merciful to them!

Happy are the pure in heart;
they will see God!

Happy are those who work for peace;
God will call them His children!

Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires;
the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!

Happy are you when people insult you and persecute you and tell all kinds of evil lies against you because you are my followers.
Be happy and glad, for a great reward is kept for you in Heaven."

Six Ways Pride Keeps Us From God

2010-04-26T22:54:00.000-07:00

By Angie Lewis

Pride is a dangerous emotion and can eventually lead us to sinful behavior. There are several areas in our life where we allow pride to take precedent over our life, and most of the time we don’t even know it – this is how pride works in a person. Pride is an excessive high opinion of one self and can lead to much destruction in our dealings with others and in our relationship with God.

1. Pride Keeps Us From Admitting Sin

Have you ever been confronted and rebuked about a sin that you committed? Sometimes because of our pride it’s hard to admit we sinned, but by admission we sometimes realize that we are sorry for that sin. It takes our heart to break down in humbleness before we can admit we sinned or were wrong in our actions. It’s good when a Christian brother or sister confronts us about our sin(s), and we should accept correction as a resource to our growth in the Lord.

Godly sorrow bring repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.
-II Corinthians 7:10

2. Pride Blinds Us To Our Faults

Pride keeps us from noticing our own faults. Perhaps we get into an argument with our spouse and we think it is their entire fault because we don’t have any faults. But everyone has faults and weaknesses. How can we have good relationships if we think were better than others or if we think we do everything right? We like to show others their faults, or we like to talk behind people’s backs and judge them, but that’s not our job.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
-Matthew 7:1

3. Pride Is An Obstacle To Our Faith In Jesus

Pride keeps us believing in our house, money, status, career, etc. If we allow pride to rule our heart, we will feel the need to match a certain status quo in society – its called the “keep up with the Joneses” attitude. Pride has a way of hardening our hearts and then we reject Christ for our life. Pride is definitely an obstacle to our faith in Christ.

People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wondered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
-I Timothy 6:7-10

4. Pride Makes Us Self-Righteous

Self-righteousness is dangerous. It leads to sin. It causes us to be hateful and bitter towards others and keeps us from wanting to learn anything from God for our life. Don’t let pride in your achievements cut you off from God. Your achievements are because of God.

The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself” ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men – robbers, evildoers, adulterers-or even like the tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breasts and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and he who humbles himself will be exalted.
-Luke 18: 11-14

5. Pride Is An Ingredient In Every Argument

Why do we fuss, fight, quarrel, and always have to be right? Pride does this to us. Pride keeps us protected where no one can come in and tell us what to do or how to live or how to behave – we already know all this stuff, right? The next time you are in an argument with a loved one, smile and walk away and see how good that feels. How about saying, I was wrong”, or “I need advice”.

Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
-Proverbs 13:10

6. Pride Keeps Us From Asking Others For Help Or Advice

Have you ever known someone who is so proud they won’t ask for help or advice, even if they really need the help! Next time you’re in need of help, advice, or just want to get a second opinion on something, don’t let pride stand in the way of your asking one of your fellow Christians for help. They will be glad to offer any service they can if it will aid in your trust and confidence in the Lord.

Then Phillip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. ‘Do you understand what you are reading”? Phillip asked. ‘How can I, he said, ‘unless someone explains it to me'? So he invited Phillip to come up and sit with him.
-Acts 8: 30-31

Then Phillip began with that very passage of Scripture and told him the good news about Jesus.
-Acts 8:35

Ferritin

2010-04-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

It was last Saturday that we went to the clinic to see the doctor again for the results of the blood tests done to me last April 3. Haven't been able to see the results yet, I know I've been bad concerning my health lately (nagpabaya ako).

Let me define some words related to this one blood test done to me: the Ferritin Level.

Ferritin - Serves to store iron in a non-toxic form, to deposit it in a safe form, and to transport it to areas that it is required.

Iron - The body needs iron so it can make hemoglobin -> a substance in red blood cells that carries oxygen from the lungs to body tissues. Brain activity, breathing, cellular respiration and every activity of the body depends on there being enough iron in the blood.

Ferritin Normal Range/Reference Range = 15 - 165 ug/L (as said in the report/results)

And my result revealed:

1 ug/L.

I was shocked. The doctor even said, "I'm even wondering how you can still stand in your situation right now!" She was kinda mad/upset in that sense. And me, I was so disappointed about myself. I'm a bad patient. I must have known how to take care of myself for God's sake! >.< How can I take care of others when it's actually me who needs to be well first?!

And so, I've come into my senses. Binatukan na yata ako ni Lord at sinabing,
"Christine! Umayos ka. That's not you anymore! Please take care of yourself. . ."
I was so guilty. =(

Now, bumabawi na ko. And alam ko makakabawi talaga ko with the help of God. He never left me, He's been always there watching me, my every move. So, nung kinaylangan na Nya 'kong batukan para bumalik senses ko, ginawa Nya! hehehe. Thank You sa dukol Lord, love jud kaayo ko Nimo bah. :))

* Christine -- POWERED UP and with LEVELED UP FAITH! Fight! =D

My Heart

2010-04-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

By: Paramore

[ Sa tanan na nakapa sa amung banda sa una, ito and pinakapaborito ko. It really seeped into my veins, into my soul. This song is for the Only One Above. ]

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to You
We could sing our own but what would it be without You?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope
This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to You
We could sing our own but what would it be without You?

This heart, it beats, beats for only You
This heart, it beats, beats for only You
This heart, it beats, beats for only You
My heart is Yours

This heart, it beats, beats for only You
My heart is Yours
(My heart, it beats for You)
This heart, it beats, beats for only You (It beats, beats for only You)
My heart is Yours (My heart is Yours)
This heart, it beats, beats for only You (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart, my heart is Yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)

(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is Yours
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is Yours
(Please don't go, please don't fade away)
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart is...

The Serenity Prayer

2010-04-07T02:49:00.000-07:00

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HIM Forever in the next.

Amen.

While I'm Waiting

2010-04-06T01:25:00.000-07:00

[Just wanna share this beautiful song, from the movie FIREPROOF. This song touched my soul, and have brighten up every corner my mind and heart in facing one of the most challenging days of my life. Though hurting and painful, but I was praising Him because I know, all these pain will be a way to make me a better person, preparing me for the mission I have to accomplish here on earth. So, I was at peace.

I asked, "God, how can I repay you for ALL Your goodness to me?"

And the answer was given to me and so I told God,

"Yes Lord. I will serve, I will worship, and I will praise You, while I'm waiting for your coming."]

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait.

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait.

Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord .

Majesty by: SPC Choral

2010-04-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

Just wanna share this wonderful song to everyone. It was last March 30, 2010 when I've finished readng the book of Hebrews in the Bible. And a certain verse struck me and filled my heart with emotions:
Hebrews 2:6-8 says, " ...What is man, O God, That you should think of him; mere man, that you should care for him? You made him for a little while lower than the angels; you crowned him with glory and honor, and made him ruler over all things."

After reading that certain passage, I just realized that it was from that passage where the song "Majesty" was taken. :) Memories lingered in my mind as I remember how we, the SPC chorale, were singing this wonderful song. And while I was singing the song in my mind, I just noticed that I was in tears already. And natingala ko, wala naman ko ka-memorize hinuon uy! haha. And so I decided to ask some help from some of my ka-members sa 'kural' hehehe

Thanks to Tillet and Micole. Nung gi-PM sa akin ni Micole ang song, sumaya din sya because I reminded her of that song, and she said that while she was typing the lyrics, she was teary eyed also. :'(
Ang ganda kasi ng song na toh. . .

Well, here's the lyrics:

When I gaze into the night skies and see the work of your fingers

The moon and stars suspended in space
(But what is man?)
What is man that you are mindful of him?

You have given man a crown of glory and honor
And have made him a little lower than the angels
You have put him in-charge of all creation

(the beast of the fields)
the birds of the air
(the fish of the sea)
But what is man.
Oh, what is man that you are mindful of him.

O lord our God, the Majesty and Glory of Your Name
Transcends the earth and fills the heavens.

O Lord our God, little children praise you perfectly and so would we,
and so would we.

Alleluia, alleluia, the majesty and Glory of Your Name.
Alleluia, alleluia, the majesty and Glory of Your name.

Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia,Alleluia, Alleluia

~Thanks din pala kay Micz dahil binigay nya din ang link kung san ko mapapanood/mapapakinggan ang song habang kinakanta namin sa chapel ng SPC! Grabe guys, na-miss ko na kumanta ng ganito kasama kayo mga KURALER'S! :))

Here's the link (di maganda ang pagkakuha pero maganda ang audio nito. Enjoy.)
just click it!
http://www.youtube.com/user/niji3#p/u/11/fGEaJHY-WlM

BETAMAX

2010-03-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

By: Sandwich

[gusto ko lang i-post 'tong kantang 'to dahil na-miss ko sya! haha this song has been popular in the Philippines year 2008, at tunay/buong puso kong hinahangaan ang bandang sandwich sa kantang 'to! >.< i really like this song dahil isinulat nila dito and mga batikang musikero ng Pilipinas! Kudos.]

chorus:
Wala pa nung myx wala pa nung MTV
Wala pa nung internet
Wala pa nung ipod at mp3
Wala pa nung cable
Wala pa nung cellphone
Wala pa ring cd or dvd
Meron lang betamax
Sa jingle magazine
Natutong mag gitara
Sinifra ang mga kanta
Sa cassettte at plaka
I.
Mula sa himig ni Pepe Smith
Mag blues si Wally Gonzales
Lumaki sa layaw ni Mike Hanopol
Bumalik ang kwago ni Bosyo
Kamusta mula sa Maria Cafra
Umistambay si Heber
Sa bahay ni Gary Granada
Nagbago ang lumad ni Joey Ayala

Nagreklamo si Chikoy Pura
Sa balita ng Asin
Ang anak ni ka Freddie
Kinontra ni Edu Abraham
Dumibidoo ang Apo Hiking
Mga kababayan ni Francis M
Beh buti nga sa Hotdog
Nosibalasi Sampaguita

chorus
Ipagpatuloy ang daloy ng alon
Ipagpatuloy ang daloy ng alon
Ipagpatuloy ang daloy ng alon
Ipagpatuloy...
Padayon
II.
Baby baby Rico J
Musikahan ni Ryan Ryan
Umiskul bukol kay Tito Vic and Joey
Sumayaw sa VST
Humataw kay Gary V
Bumilad sa ballad ni Martin Nievera
Request sa dj ni Sharon Cuneta
Nangako sayo si Rey Valera
Salamat sa the Dawn
Ang tatay ko, si Jack Sikat
Disyembre ni Binky Lampano
Nangarap ang Identity crisis
Wag kalimutan ang Wuds
Namatay sa ingay ng Dead Ends
Never meant to be Betrayed
Sa XB, NU at Club Dredd

chorus

* kung gusto nyong pakinggan ang kanta at makita ang vid, oh, eto:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNHwMpyyVHI&feature=PlayList&p=EB938B3DB38C8EB4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=22

If I Ain't Got You

2010-03-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

By: Alicia Keys

[been singing this song on weddings, and I really, whole heartedly, love A. Keys for this song]

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me

[chorus]

If I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

Unthinkable

2010-03-20T05:45:00.000-07:00

By: Alicia Keys

[thanks to my cuz, Ate Jo, now this song's running in my head now! haha we so love Alicia K.]

Moment of honesty
Someones gotta take the lead tonight
Whose it gonna be?
I'm gonna sit right here
And tell u while it comes to me
If u have something to say
U should say it right now

U give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I know I deserve it
It's become something that's impossible to ignore
And I can't take it
I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable will it make us look crazy
If you ask me I'm ready
If you ask me I'm ready

I know u said to me
"This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be"
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually
If we gonna do something about it
We should do it right now

U give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I know I deserve it
It's become something that's impossible to ignore
It's what we make it
I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable will it make us look crazy
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin
If you ask me I'm ready
If you ask me I'm ready

Why give up before we try
Feel the lows before the highs
Clip our wings before we fly away
I can't say I can't compare
I'm suspended it the air
Won't u come be in the sky with me

I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable will it make us look crazy
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin

If you ask me I'm ready
If you ask me I'm ready

His Way of Telling Me

2010-03-19T22:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day to remember. A day to look back.
I woke up with some feelings of uncertainty.

Then I said to myself, "You'll be facing a big thing this day."

Hours have passed and my heart's still tachycardic (rapid heart rate).
And I knew, I was waiting for that BIG THING to come.
A big thing that I don't know whether it is something for me to be happy about,
or something to make me cry. >.<
Again, deep in me, I was praying hard.
Praying for this certain thing to come that is beyond my grasp.

And then, it finally came. The BIG THING.
At first I don't know what exatly I'm feeling.
But later on, I found myself in tears.
And yes, I was sad. . .

Then, I could hear Someone telling me. . .

"Not now. Not yet."

I replied, "But when?" I was sobbing.

He answered back, "When the time is right."

I said, "When will that be?" Still crying.

And He said, "Patience My dear. We'll get there, just hold on."

There was silence.

I took a glass of water and forced myself not to cry anymore.
I took a deep breathe, inhale deeply-exhale slowly.
And, I found myself smiling again. =)
Looking back, I can tell that what happened was His way of telling me that:

"There are really things that are not easy to get. There are things that are hard to find.
Things beyond our control and all we can do is trust. Trust means having faith and holding on to that promise that somewhere, sometime, there is a woderful thing instored for us. Witnessing the fact of knowing that:
Everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING. =)"

At the end of the day, I was smiling. And I was thanking Him.
Thanking Him for His own way of telling me that He loves me.
And I knew, I am blessed.

Thank You Lord for everything. You surely have your own simple ways of telling me what You've always wanted me to learn. I love You always.

Everytime. . .

2010-03-13T20:28:00.000-08:00

Everytime I see you. . .
Everytime I read things about you. . .
Everytime I remember you. . .
All I can say is,
"Thank You Lord for allowing a person like this to be a part of my life,
'coz having a person like this makes me closer to You."

I can't hide the fact that eveytime you linger in my mind,
The things I've done, the things you've done,
I can somehow feel myself so down.
But unlike before, I have all the reasons to feel better.
And I know, God is moving in me. =)

I'm fighting. Really fighting this unwanted feeling,

But the battle is not mine. . .

The battle is the Lord's.

And when it's with Him,

I know in the end. . .

I will win. =)

* The hardest challenge for me is not physical or mental pain,
But the emotional and the Spiritual one.
I'll say more on the emotional one because it's dealing with people,
different and challenging persons that God would allow to shake your life,
And at the same time make you a better person closer to Him.
God is surely having His best moves.

Sweet Baby

2010-03-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

By: George Duke

When I think about your lovin'
The Sunday evenings, the fun we used to share
Looking through the memories in my mind
Since I've laughed and cried and thought it over
Now I realize that it's never over, it's only set aside

Oh, it's you, sweet baby
I will never be free from your embrace, sweet baby
Only hoping it's not too late to try again
It's true, sweet baby
Ever lost and captured by your smile, sweet baby
I will always be right there by your side
Right by your side

Lying here alone I'm dreaming
My mind keeps wandering, my thoughts are only you
Wandering through the memories in my mind
How could love so real have turned so empty
I just keep wondering why
Will I ever find the love we shared together, you and I

Oh, it's you, sweet baby
Though we had such a long hard road to climb, sweet baby
Only hoping it's not too late to try again
It's you, sweet baby
Won't u try belivin wat i say, sweet baby
I will always be right there by your side
Right by your side

Oh, it's you, sweet baby
I will never be free from your embrace, sweet baby
Only hoping it's not too late to try again
It's you, sweet baby
Ever lost and captured by your smile, sweet baby
I will always be right there by your side
Right by your side

Autumn

2010-03-10T03:47:00.000-08:00

The trees are already changing! The breeze is much cooler! These reminds me that Autumn is really here!

I am enjoying the start of this season here in Aussie :) and I can feel God all around me. . .

For more photos, see this link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/angelbeauchris_ii/

Romans 13:10

2010-03-05T21:26:00.001-08:00

-- just wanna share this verse from what i've read in the bible this morning. .

"If you love someone,
you will NEVER do him wrong."

a simple reminder from God to everyone of us.ü

Colossians 3:13

2010-03-01T03:47:00.001-08:00

"Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another
whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else.
Forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you."

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

2010-02-28T18:59:00.000-08:00

By: Annie Disney
-- just wanna share this piece of song that I've known since I was 6yrs. old. The very 1st song I ever sang infront of a crowd. And looking back to that, well, all I can say is that it wasn't until these days that I've fully understood the real meaning of the song. =) here it goes. . .

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck with a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And grin,
And say...

Oh
The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Tïl tomorrow
Come what may. . .

Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love yah
Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!

-- and yes! We may be so worried or stressed in one day, but another day would always come. A simple reminder from God that there is always hope and although the clouds may be dark this day, tomorrow's a day to see the sunshine and embrace God's promise of joy and love. =)

Took Another Single Step

2010-02-21T02:56:00.000-08:00

"One step at a time." A line that would now stay in my mind always. Spoken by my Tita Fely last week when I was in their place. Yes, I don't have to hurry. There is no need to rush things up. What's important is, I take the steps, even though slowly, but for sure I'll get to my goal.

So yesterday, I took the IELTS exam. Tito Sarath took me to Monash University, Clayton Campus where the written exam for the 3 areas of IELTS would be held. We left home early, at around 7.30 AM, and while I was in the car, I can't describe what exactly I feel! >.< I'm excited but nervous at the same time. And so I just prayed in silence and offered everything to HIM and telling myself, "Do your best, and He'll definitely do the rest." It took us about 20mins. to get there and we were the first ones to get into the exact building where the exam would happen. Holding a piece of map of that huge, mini-city campus, we got there easily. Just one of the things I should thank God for that day. =) Then, registration happened and I have noticed some Filos (Filipinoes) who were about to take that exam also. Haha. We went to our designated rooms and the examinees are preparing all the things to be used. The exam would start at 9 AM and it was still quarter past 8! The nervousness I felt before had gone away and I just can't wait to start the exam. It did start at exactly 9 and we first took the listening test, followed by the reading, and lastly the writting. It was the writting part which I really am confident with. Yeah! It was quite easy for me. =) I was glad enough that all those three areas were finished already. Still, the last area should be faced the next day.

When I woke up this morning, I was too lazy to get up! Tired from last night's engagement party that we have to go to, but I enjoyed it there. =) Thanks to Damien and kristy for having us around. Anyway, we have to leave the house this morning at around 10.30 AM because I have to be at the building where the interview would be held, for the speaking test, 30mins. before the said time of interview. And so I prepared myself and we were ready to go. I felt nervous but still I have to be confident about myself. Prayer was my best comfort during those times until the moment that I was walking through the hallway heading to the room where I would be interviewed. I kept praying, "Be with me Lord." The interview finished 11.10 AM, and thank God, it went out just fine. For whatever the results of all the four areas/tests that I took, I would be glad about it because I did my best and I know that God was by my side always. =)

The IELTS exam is just one of the steps that I have to take on reaching my goals. There are still so many things that I have to face, still so many things that I have to conquer. But knowing all these, I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Right Here Waiting

2010-02-21T01:26:00.000-08:00

Oceans apart day after day

And I slowly go insane

I hear your voice on the line

But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never

How can we say forever

Wherever you go

Whatever you do

I will be right here waiting for you

Whatever it takes

Or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times

That I though would last somehow

I hear the laughter, I taste the tears

But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby

You've got me goin' Crazy

Wherever you go

Whatever you do

I will be right here waiting for you

Whatever it takes

Or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive

This romance

But in the end if I'm with you

I'll take the chance

Akala

2010-02-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

Lumipas na ang panahon,
Bakit tila wala paring nagbago?
Ninais na maayos ang lahat,
Sapagkat ako sa 'yo ay lalayo.

Tinanggap ang lahat ng buong puso,
Pilit binura ang nakaraan na.
Niyakap ang lahat-lahat sa 'yo,
Dahil ayokong pagsasama nati'y matuyo.

Nasaktan mo na ko minsan,
Hahayaan ko pa bang muli ako'y masaktan?
Mahal kita, oo, walang duda,
Ngunit ako din ba'y mahal mo ba?

Sa paglipas nga naman ng panahon,
Akala ko'y magbabago na,
Ang pagtingin mo sa akin,
Ay tutulad sa pagtingin ko sa 'yo sinta.

Ngunit siguro kailangan kong matanggap,
Na 'di lahat ng gusto ko'y malalasap.
Dahil ang akala kong magbabago ka,
Yun nama'y hindi parin pala.

LOVE WILL SHOW YOU EVERYTHING

2010-02-13T06:24:00.000-08:00

Today, today I bet my life
You have no idea,
What I feel inside.
Don't, be afraid to let it show,
For you never know,
If you let it out.

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and don't ask why.
Cause if you, will let me. . .
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside.
And if you, ask me why,
I'm with you and why I'll never leave,
Love will show you everything.

One day,
when youth is just a memory
I know,
You'll be standing right next to me.

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you, will let me
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside
And if you, ask me why
I'm with you and why I'll never leave
My love will show you everything. . .
Our love will show us everything.

P B P G I N F W M Y

2010-02-10T01:44:00.000-08:00

The other day, when i was browsing the internet, I have read something that strucked me and thinking that I am the one that person is pointing out. After that, I was so bothered. I came to realize that if I was that person, I had been bad. Real bad for hurting that certain person. And yes, maybe human as I am, I make mistakes. I had hours of thinking that at some point, I had been insensitive on other people's feelings and emotions before. I was so down those hours and couldn't think well. Then, I prayed. I know that's the best thing to do without anyone to talk to but only Him. He that understands and knows what's in my heart. . .

I said to myself, ". . . that was so long ago. You're not even sure if it's you that person is talking about." And then, i said, "Yes indeed." Maybe I was just guilty of the wrong doings in the past years. . . And trying to reach out to some persons and being able to emy goals on patching up with them, still, I thought that there are still some that I haven't approached and haven't had the chance to apologize. :( And for that I'm sorry.

I am so sorry for being rude, for being insensitive and selfish. I'm sorry for hurting you and I am hoping I would be forgiven. Yes, I am not perfect. No one is. But I've realized my mistakes and had learned so many. I stumbled many times because of the things that I've done wrong and realized so many things. I hope these certain people can give me a chance to be better. And to let them see that I'm only human.

For that, I'm saying now: P B P G I N F W M Y.

"Please be patient, God is not finished with me yet."

Personality Test

2010-02-07T18:14:00.000-08:00

Well, having not much to do, someone just got me into this personality test thingy. Haha

It's nice to know and discover things about yourself and who you really are from time to time.
Thanks for the link Choi =)

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

-- Here's the link: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

♥ James 1:2 ♥

2010-02-07T17:13:00.000-08:00

"Consider yourselves fortunate when ALL kinds of TRIALS come your way,

for you know that when FAITH SUCCEEDS in facing such trials,

the result is the ability to ENDURE."

Will You Be My Valentine?

2010-02-06T04:18:00.000-08:00

Love is in the air!

I can feel that Valentine's Day is nearly coming! *Excited*

I painted a picture and may this remind each of us of God's Love.

When our Lord Jesus streatched His arms wide and died on the cross, it was a way of Him saying:

" I love you this much! "

Yes. Not just to one person but to all of us. God has never made a person He doesn't love. His unconditional and unfailing love is for everyone. And being so inspired be the thought of His love, I realized that above everyone else, He will be my date! He will be my Valentine, not just for the coming V-day, but in evryday of my life. =)

How about you? Do you already have a date? or are you still searching for your perfect Valentine? You don't have to be worried, sad, or troubled looking everywhere. There is this Someone who's totally willing to be your partner.

Feel Him, and you'll know that He's been already asking:

" Will you be my Valentine? "

God Is Good All The Time

2010-02-02T23:23:00.000-08:00

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time

If you're walking through the valley
And there are shadows all around
Do not fear, He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
'Cause He's promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you and His Word is true

We were sinners - so unworthy
Still for us He chose to die
Filled us with His Holy Spirit
Now we can stand and testify
That His love is everlasting
And His mercies - they will never end

Lord, I may not understand
All the plans He left for me
My life is in your hands
And through the eyes of Him I can clearly see

Overflowing

2010-02-01T00:25:00.000-08:00

Iba na talaga kapag punong-puno ka ng pagmamahal Niya. . .

nag-o-overflow ang LOVE.

Happy love month to everyone!

Salamat

2010-01-28T15:19:00.000-08:00

Sa sandaling panahon na tayo'y nagkasama,
Hindi ko maikakaila na akoy' naging masaya.
Nung gabing unang nakilala ka,
Aking nakita ang mga ngiti sa iyong mga mata.

Hindi ko wari maisip kung paano naging panatag ang loob ko,
Marahil dahil ito sa pagmamahal na ipinakita mo.
Sa panahong lumalapit ako sa'yo,
Prati kang handang makinig sa sasabihin ko.

Siguro nga'y ngayon na,
Ang tamang panahon na pasalamatan ka.
Buong puso kong inaalay ang tulang ito para sa'yo,
At sana'y maging masaya ka sa araw na ito.

[ Oh diba? hehe gift nako sa imo Te En. For being such a nice friend maski kadali ra ta nag-uban, na-feel nako imong love. I wish you all the best, good health, many bdays to come and luck in LOVE. hehe. I love you Te and I miss you. Miss tamu tanan. T_T See you all soon. xoxo --- Christine ]

YOUR LOVE

2010-01-27T17:08:00.000-08:00

Oh, how I am delighted by you,
Oh, how my soul longs for you.
You allow your grace to overflow,
With You, I am complete as I grow.

Though I may feel sorrows in me,
Still your there to grasp the aches.
In Your arms I found the warmest embrace,
Oh, how I love to see your face.

Stay near me, Lord
Don't ever go.
My heart shouts your name above,
All I need is Your love.

Many times of searching,
Many times I cried.
But all was finally well,
Until I had you by my side.

Feeling Your hand holding me,
I know You'll never let me go.
Having You is more that enough,
I'll hold on eventhough life is too tough.

Stay near me, Lord
Don't ever go.
My heart shouts your name above,
All I need is Your love.

[ I know soon malalapatan din 'to ng tugtog with musical instruments and a great melody! Amen. ]

Amazed

2010-01-27T16:14:00.000-08:00

Amazed

YOUR LOVE

2010-01-26T20:06:00.000-08:00

[ another song composition of me ]

Oh, how I am delighted by you,
Oh, how my soul longs for you.
You allow your grace to overflow,
With You, I am complete as I grow.

Though I may feel sorrows in me,
Still your there to grasp the aches.
In Your arms I found the warmest embrace,
Oh, how I love to see your face.

Stay near me, Lord
Don't ever go.
My heart shouts your name above,
All I need is Your love.

Many times of searching,
Many times I cried.
But all was finally well,
Until I had you by my side.

Feeling Your hand holding me,
I know You'll never let me go.
Having You is more that enough,
I'll hold on eventhough life is too tough.

Stay near me, Lord
Don't ever go.
My heart shouts your name above,
All I need is Your love.

Greatest Enemy

2010-01-24T21:09:00.000-08:00

today, i just realized...
that one of the greatest enemy is

YOURSELF.

but believing that God is with you always,
all will just be made well. :)

Butterfly Kisses

2010-01-20T21:47:00.000-08:00

There's two things I know for sure:

She was sent here from heaven and she's

daddy's little girl.

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and

I thank god for all the joy in my life

Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."

"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."

In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today

She's looking like her mama a little more everyday

One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

Better Days

2010-01-20T21:37:00.000-08:00

I really can remember my late Grandme with this song.
I iss My Lola Nanay. . .

*Silver gray hair neatly combed in place.
There were four generations of love on her face.
She was so wise, no surprise passed her eyes,
She'd seen it all.

I was a child, oh, about three or four.
All day I'd ask questions.
At night I'd ask more.
But whenever; she never, would ever, turn me away.

I'd say how can I be sure what is right or wrong ?
And why does what I want always take so long ?
Please tell me where does God live
And why won't He talk to me ?

I'd say, Grandma what is love ?
Will I ever find out ? and
Why are we so poor, what is life about ?
I wanna know the answers before I fall off to sleep.

She sort of smiled as she tucked me in.
Then she pulled up that old rocking chair once again.
But tonight she was slightly, remarkably, different somehow.

Slowly she rocked, lookin' half asleep.
Grandma yawned as she stretched.
Then she started to speak.
What she told me, would mold me, and hold me
Together inside ahahahahah yeah yeah.

She said all the things you ask
You will know someday.
But you have got to live in a patient way.
God put us here by fate
And by fate that means better days.

She said, child we are all moons in the dark of night.
Ain't no morning gonna come 'til the time is right.
Can't get to better days lest you make it through the night.
You gotta make it through the night, yes you do.

You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night.
Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
(Be patient) oh baby, be patient.

Later that year, at the turn of spring,
Heaven sent angels down and gave Grandma her wings.
Now, she's flying, and sliding, and gliding
In better days
And although I'm all grown up
I still get confused.
I stumble through the dark
Getting bumped and bruised.
When night gets in my way
I could still hear my Grandma say
I can hear her say,
I can hear her say.

(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night baby.
(Be patient) Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
Child, do you hear me, yeah.
(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it, you got to make it
you got to make it
You got to make it through the night

(Be patient) Oh Grandma, oh Grandma
Do you see me now, lady
Oh oh oh oh oh...
(Be patient) She used to sit me on her knee
She used to comb my hair
She used to tell me stories..
My Grandma took me everywhere

A Month Already?

2010-01-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hmmm. I've been counting the days since we left. . .

Shox! It's been a month already?! 0.0

Whew! Time flies so fast indeed! Yosh!

Better than slow, right? (para maka-uwi kagad?!) Lol.

Loving every single day that God has given. . .

Here in this new place. :)

I la-la-la-la-love You, Lord.

Arms of An Angel

2010-01-17T03:15:00.000-08:00

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel “not good enough?
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel, far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

Here's a vid of me singing this song. Don't expect to see me in this vid haha --
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX9HuHDB2qE

Idlip

2010-01-17T03:10:00.000-08:00

Neither away nor asleep
Dwell somewhere in between
Neither someone or something
Be it life alone
I walk it like a park
Half real, half fancy

A million tonight
A million to fight
A million to light
A million is right

Yonder wails on my sleeve
In the arms of make-believe
Sleep will set you free
In the arms of make-believe
In the arms that let me be

Abide by a dreamer's flight
Cheater misfit on high
Alone in the landscapes
Periwinkle skies
A worried pretender passes me by

A million tonight
A million to light
A million to fight

Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart

2010-01-17T03:08:00.000-08:00

Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me
And even in the bottom of the sea
I can still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time you were telling me lies

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart
Well you can try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, only, nobody ever shut it down like you
You wore the crown, you make my body feel heaven-bound
Why don’t you hold me, need me, I thought you told me
You’d never leave me

Looking in the sky I can see your face
And i knew right where I’d fit in
Take me, make me
You know that I’ll always be in love with you
Right til the end

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could have told you right from the start
It’s bout fall apart
So rather than hold onto a broken dream
Or just hold onto love
And I could find a way to make it
Don’t hold on too tight
I’ll make it without you tonight

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Love Will Show You Everything

2010-01-17T03:04:00.000-08:00

Today, today I bet my life
You have no idea
What I feel inside
Don't, be afraid to let it show
For you never know
If you let it hide

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you, will let me
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside
And if you, ask me why,
I'm with you and why I'll never leave
Love will show you everything

One day,
when youth is just a memory
I know,
You'll be standing right next to me

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you, will let me
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside
And if you, ask me why
I'm with you and why I'll never leave
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
Our love will show us everything

My Prayer for the IELTS Exam

2010-01-16T19:24:00.000-08:00

For the four areas of IELTS:

May my ears be like Yours to listen,

like how You attentively hear all of Your people at same time;

May my eyes be like Yours to read and see,

like how You read each of us and see everyone's actions and deeds;

May my hands be like Yours to write,

like how You wonderfully write each of our life's adventures and stories;

May my mouth be like Yours to speak,

like how You say and deliver words for people to understand what You always wanted to say;

and lastly;

May my mind be like Yours to understand and comprehend,

letting me have the wisdom that I need to surpass this test.

AMEN.

My Planet Pandora

2010-01-14T20:55:00.000-08:00

My first movie experience in one of the cinemas in Aussie was a wonderful adventure that everyone must experience, too. The fantastically, imagined, futuristic epic was really one of the best films I've ever seen!

Many people were already talking about how great the movie was and I was like saying to myself, "How I wish I could never be too late to watch Avatar." Well, my wish was granted by my fairy Tita Fely. :)

We went to The reading Cinemas last Sunday and luckily, Avatar was still showing. :D We were 10mins. late but when we got inside the cinema, I can tell that we haven't missed that much. As the movie goes on, I was really hooked into the magical realm of the Pandora with its weird and wonderful creatures, and its marvelous view of nature. Having been hooked inside this world of fantasy, I can see myself right through the lead actor named Jake in the movie. Be it the real person Jake or the Avatar Jake. Exposed to a different new world, he has to take charge of himself in the world he was not used to. He did experienced to be an allien in the midst of those ue people there. Learn their language, learn their ways. Differnet but real people with real feelings and doings. Eventually, Jake became one of them purely and has been chosen by their god to do something great for all of them.

I've really seen myself in this movie. I felt like being chosen to be a part of a certain place. Not just an ordinary place, but something new, and real beacause I have a certain mission to accomplish. A place where I was never used to be in and with people Iwas not used to be with. Like Jake, I have to take charge of myself. Strive to survive and learn everything that I must learn.

There would always be some things that would try to destroy the things you treasure most, like your dreams and goals. They can be people like those that carried guns and bombs with them in the movie; they can be things like those huge machines and air crafts, and it can also be you own self having the lack of confidance inside you that could criple you like Jake, having to be on a wheelchair. But even though some things might pull you down and seem to take away your hopes, one thing should remain:

FAITH.

Jake did prayed. He prayed into the tree of the ancients, trying to be heared by them and asking for help for them to win the battle, to overcome the impossible.

When everything seems to be impossible, I pray.

When when everything seems to pull me down, I pray.

When I feel that I have no one, I pray.

And when I feel that I can't do things, I pray. . .

And I say, this is FAITH.

Great faith that can trumple everything that may come along the way. . .

Well, this is me being in my planet Pandora, a new planet.

Have you ever been in your new planet? :)

Maybe one day we'll meet and would be able to say. . .

"I see you."

Pon and Zi

2010-01-07T01:48:00.000-08:00

i simply love them. ^___^

Overwhelmed

2010-01-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

I can pretend to others that I am ok.
That I am smiling,
that I can smile in the midst of every single thing happening. . .
But, I can never fool myself,
and I can never hide the tears from HIM above.

So, with all the pain, sadness, and emptiness I felt that day, I locked myself inside the room and poured out eveything I feel to HIM. Being able to say all that is inside me, being able to shout all I wanted to say in silence. Asking HIM same questions, "Why? Why? Why?". And then, I just asked HIM to take the pain away at this very moment, take the tears away. Then I closed my eyes. . .

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes again. Then I saw photos scattered on the floor because I wasn't able to fix and keep them the other day when I was making some photo arts. A single photo struck me and this photo made me realize so many things in my life. This was my own photo taken during my 1st birthday. And there was a note behind it that says,

" Bing, this is Carla on her first birthday, cute isn't she?

Well that's how she laughs when you smile at her. Ellen ".

(Then I remembered, Tita Ellen did actually gave this photo to Tita Bing, and I asked this photo from Tita Bing when I was still in Davao.)

And after reading that, all I felt were tears falling again on my face, but this time these were tears of joy. Joy of realizations. Joy of Our Father's unconditional and unending love. I was overwhelmed! And I remembered this one passage form the bible which says, " If God took care of you before, He will take care of you now. He is the same yestaerday, today, and forever. " So I said to myelf, " I am His child. " Then, I saw myself smiling again. Like that little girl in the photo, so happy holding that balloon on her hand, standing firm and strong, being able to laugh because God is always with her. God moves in mysterious ways indeed.

New Year, New Me

2009-12-30T05:39:00.000-08:00

New Year is coming!

I can feel and I'm having faith that the coming year will be one of my greatest years!

Yeah! Good vibes come to me!

We were at the beach this afternoon, at Phillip Island of Aussie. We had so much fun. The water was cold though (haha). Good thing I don't have any plans of swimming there. But I did liked the coolness of it. :) It's a new beach! I'm in a new beach. Whew! The last time I was in the beach was at Mergrande Ocean Beach Resort having the Feast of WCG. :) That time, I had so much fun, too. Well, what's with beaches that I could feel sort of different kind of joy and excitement? Maybe, it's the child like in me that gives me that certain feeling. :) And then I realized, not only the beach is new, the people around me is new, what I see everywhere is new. So many new things are coming my way. Thank you God.

Then I was thinking, tomorrow would be New Year's Eve already. I can still remember this year's new year's day. (haha) praying to God about something. And ending the year 2009, I can say, God has been so good in His own ways on writing my life story this year! It was a BANG! :D So this coming year, 2010, what could happen to me?

I know what will happen. There would be a new me. 'New' in a sense that I would be better in everything I do having God by my side.

This coming year I would:

- be a better person: a better daughter, a better sister, a better partner, a better friend, a better person to everone around me, a better child of God;

- be having a job! Weeeh!;

- have many blessings; and

- be used by God in the ways that He wants: to love and care more for all the people around me, could be the old ones or new ones in my life, explore his goodness in this new place, seek Him with all my heart and see what He has instored for me here.

New me but would still be the Carla, the Aiamiming, the On-g, the Christine you know that loves you truly.

Happy New Year to everyone!

Brick by Boring Brick

2009-12-27T19:50:00.000-08:00

She lives in a fairy tale

Somewhere too far for us to find

Forgotten the taste and smell

Of the world that she's left behind

It's all about the exposure the lens I told her

The angles were all wrong now

She's ripping wings off of butterflies

Keep your feet on the ground

When your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle; bury the castle

So one day he found her crying

Coiled up on the dirty ground

Her prince finally came to save her

And the rest you can figure out

But it was a trick

And the clock struck 12

Well make sure to build your house brick by boring brick

or the wolves gonna blow it down

Keep your feet on the ground

When your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well you built up a world of magic

Because your real life is tragic

Yeah you built up a world of magic

If it's not real

You can't hold it in your hand

You can't feel it with your heart

And I won't believe it

But if it's true

You can see it with your eyes

Or even in the dark

And that's where I want to be, yeah

Go get your shovel

We'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle