Greetings!

Hello you! Yes, you! :) You're here on my page and yes, you will know me... maybe just a glimpse of me but since you're here, you can already see a part of who I am. I welcome you to my blogging world and I'm happy to have you here!

Thanks for dropping by!

Love to all!

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Road To Becoming A Butterfly~~~

For the month of Septmeber, I will post this blog entry from when I posted this on my social media platforms.



~The story of this painting is from last year. I painted this picture on the 2nd of February 2019, when I had a major turning point in my life where I started to realise that I, too, need to love myself. I huge turning point because then I have only realised that I am worthy of all the love I am able to give to others.

I have lived all my life trying so hard to please other people - family, friends, loved ones, and everyone around me... not realising that I am not loving myself enough. I'm in the bottom of the longest list you could imagine, trying to do this and that for others, attend to others' needs, be there for them no matter what... and not being able to even ask myself, "Are you okay? Are you really okay? Are you genuinely happy?".
So, when that realisation came... there was a huge chaos inside me where all that I could think about to stop all the mess and burden in my head and heart is to simply end my life - because it'll be a lot easier if I didn't exist, because if I do what I had to do, I will end up hurting people who I genuinely love and care about. The decision to say "NO, enough is enough!" was so difficult for me to do as I have lived all my life saying YES to everyone.
I am grateful that when I was able to acknowledge that I need help, I braved on and asked for help. I asked for professional help and went to see a therapist who has helped me clear my twisted mind around that time. That the answer to all the mess and burden is not ending my life but to simply acknowledge what I needed to see - to love myself and look after myself more.
Was it the hardest decision I have ever made? Yes. And by making that decision in choosing myself this time around, I have lost family and friends who doesn't speak to me anymore. Did it hurt so much? Yes. The hurt was like when I was back to a little girl, 4 years of age, hiding under the table because I'm so scared, covering my ears, crying so much because I can't make my parents stop from fighting. THAT HURTS SO MUCH! Losing people you love through this is a different kind of grief, because they didn't pass away. They simply cut you off and they're gone.
And so last year, I decided to paint myself... I imagined myself as being rooted on the ground firmly, roots that are becoming so strong underneath that even if it hurts so much, I will remain rooted on the ground, never forgetting my past because everything happens for a reason... slowly, slowly... blossoming to this beautiful plant with flowers - flowers are fragile but they can give us so much joy, don't they? Yes, I was fragile... so fragile that I was being so careful to not forget my self-worth. I am still fragile now, and I believe I will forever be... and that, too, is okay. Being so vulnerable and accepting all that I am. Being perfectly imperfect. Being able to love EVERYTHING about myself.
I also attached to this picture/painting a quote that struck me around that time I was painting...
"Allow her to cry. Hold her as she comes undone. Be patient as the pieces crumble away... She is not breaking, she is opening.
- L.E. Bowman 💛
And so, from then 'til now, I am still on that journey. I still beat myself up often times, but I am trying and I am dedicated to learning more about how to take care of myself. Like I said, I think I will always be on this journey of self-love. I have learned that because I was made the way I am, it also includes the fact that I am a person who would genuinely care and do everything I can for others when needed, but now, I know better - I need also to love myself more and do everything I can to look after myself. So here I am... not a single ounce of regret for making the hardest decision I have made in my life, because I owe it to myself - to actually love EVERYTHING about me. Also, from my favourite quote I get the chance to see in one of the post from a course that I took - for self-growth - The Four Fellowships:
"Growth is a dance, not a light switch." - John Kim
So, here I am... dancing 💃
-CC '2020
🐛➡️🦋

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

The Four Fellowships

 Wow! I missed month of August! Ahhh~~ 

Sorry, Little Christine... I know you have so many on your plate that you have missed an entry blog, and that is okay... You looked after yourself, did your very best, was renewed in Spirit, and that is worth everything!

So much has happened, guys. So much! But the greatest thing is that - my Spirit has been renewed and I'm now more closer to God than ever before! Hallelujah! Praise His mighty name!!!

Wow! Literally felt like I was resuscitated when God's work struck me, straight on the heart! I don't know how it feels to be resuscitated with getting the shock from a defibrillator, but man... it felt like that! Like I needed to be rewired again... that I needed to wake up from all the wrong messages in my twisted head! Ahh~~ God has been so gracious, full of mercy, kindness, love, and faithfulness... His faithfulness is everlasting! The God who looked after me since birth, is the same God who saved me this time around and it's like I have this new life... new breathe to take, with everything that God has to offer me. Wow! What an amazing experience it was. Don't get me wrong, I literally felt like I was gonna die -- thoughts of self-harm and suicide came again... and I am so grateful that I found that little hope in my heart to seek for help, and God did answer me. He is always there!!! What an amazing God I serve! I'm in tears typing away, not because I'm sad... but because my heart is genuinely with pure joy how God has been ever faithful and loving, to save me and wake me up!!!

Lord, thank You! Thank You for everything that You are!!! I am truly blessed by You~~~ 

I also took a course for self-growth to help me in my journey of becoming the best version of myself, the journey of self-love. And man... it's the best! The best course to take when you're looking for something to help yourself and make you realise that everything you need to become the best version of yourself is already in you! This course - The Four Fellowships - has taught me a lot!!! And the lesson that I will take to my grave is the fact that I learned that the very best tool we have, since birth, is our breath. How amazing that the most simple thing we have, we do it all the time... breathing! It's the best tool! And I was able to learn how to use it in a way to ground myself and find my breathe, taking a few minutes to just focus on breathing, and it'll help you for the rest of the day. Finding my breath was the greatest lesson I have learned! (So, if you wanna get same lessons I had, shoot me a message and I will send you the information about the course.) It's a 4-week course and it's amazing! Our Life Couch, Jova, is an incredible, beautiful, one of the most genuine person I know and have been so blessed to work with, in the 4-week course! My heart is truly grateful that a person like him exist, sharing what he has learned to others, so others can also live their life to the fullest, and become a 100% for others, but mostly to yourself. :D

What an amazing month indeed!

I can't thank You enough, Lord, but I am here... praising you with ALL my heart! That despite all the downfalls and heartbreaks, You are there... You have always been there and Your promises never fail. May you continue working in me, so I can serve you more, and be able to testify how great You truly are! Amen~

I would also wanna grab this chance to actually thank everyone who has helped me in one of my darkest times... I genuinely thank you all for being there, listening and reminding me that God is everything and all I ever needed! THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Know that I am truly, ever grateful to all of you! I am back, stronger than ever!!! Praise God! :D

Friday, July 31, 2020

GCIgnite!

What a wonderful way to end the last day of the month!
I had the opportunity to attend one of the breakout sessions organised by the church, GCI, through GCIgnite group today, and it was a much needed session :)

I'm filled with so much joy in my heart - meeting new people and hearing their stories about the topics that we're presented the past weekend. Topics about Spiritual Formation and Spiritual Practice, I was reminded about so many things that I needed to hear during these challenging times.
I am truly grateful of God's guidance and strength through this GCIgnite fellowship online.

Thank You, Father, for all that You are!

It has been such a challenging month for me, especially the physical side of things with me, as I haven't been so well due to major migraine attacks, where at some point I was so close to calling an ambulace ('coz I live alone). But, I am better now, and I thank God for making this possible.

It is a very challenging time for everyone with the Pandemic. It's not even close to being over yet, and I know people, including myself, are weary and over it. But I keep reminding myself to be grateful for everything, even the most simple things, in my everyday life... I've also been really keen to encourage others as well during these times, to hold on to HOPE and pray a lot. Yes, I have realised that as I remind myself to keep my hopes up, it's also vital to remind our friends, family, and loved ones to hold on to hope, and keep the faith in Jesus, because this Pandemic is taking its toll to everyone. So, to whoever reads this... I encourage you to pray for one another, encourage one another, and check in with the people we care for, because everyone needs it. Thank you!

Let me end this blog entry with one of the passages we had in the breakout session: John 15:1-8 (NIV)

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

I hope and pray that everyone will be well. Keep safe. And spread the love, not the virus.